supermanthatho Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 My ex and I were together for 3 years everything was great then by accident she fell pregnant and had a miscarriage a month and a bit later. Take in mind we used protect and she took the morning after pill. Anyway, after the miscarriage she became a different person. Unrecognizable. She was more insecure, less confident, wanted attention from guys. The way her behaviour was, was totally different from girl i was going out for 3 years with. I supported her through the pregnancy and the miscarriage but she changed afterwards. She broke up with me a month later saying the spark is gone and doesnt have the same feelings. We have been broken up for a month and everyday is killing me because i need her back. Now shes seeing someone and its just hurtful im in so much pain. This isnt anything like the girl i have 3 yrs of memories and love with. What do I do? How can i get her back? Im tryin to move on but i have an unfinished vibe between us and its strong too. Ive never had a vibe like that about any other relationship ive had and some of them were long serious relationships too.
Pod81 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 You're not going to like what I say but unfortunately, there's nothing you can do . Once a girl has lost her feelings, the only person who can help regain those feelings back is HER. Nothing you can do will make her change her feelings, but you can do things (like begging, pleading, crying, yelling, blaming, bargaining, sending flowers, serenading her, etc.) that will push her away. The best you can do is tell her you respect her decision, wish her well, and go NC. Take this time to heal yourself. Secondly, she needs to realize what life is like without you. It's like that old saying - if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. Don't be too hopeful, though, and be prepared for the likelihood of life without her. I know this sucks so bad to hear, but you have all our support on LS and know that there's been millions (possibly billions) of people who have gone through what you're going through (myself included). Keep your head up and start regaining your old self before you met her! Below is a guide that will help you go through this process. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances
Mariana345 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 As Pod81 said, there is nothing else that you can do It happened the same to me, my ex is not the guy I felt in love with anymore, and I think me neither for him. People change, and after a shocked event is more difficult to remain or get back. You have to take space, for both of you. She to recover herself if possible, and you to heal and be prepared to be happy, with her or with other person. It really hard!! But sometimes things are just over our control, and we have to let them be... Good luck
KathyM Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Miscarriage has the power to either damage a relationship, or bring you much closer together. For many people, they want to disassociate themselves from the event in order to cope with it, and they feel a need to disassociate from the person they were in a relationship with in order to emotionally heal from the miscarriage and not be reminded of it. For some, they would rather leave all those bad feelings in the past that remind them of it, and that would include, unfortunately, the person they experienced the event with. This is relatively common to feel this way. I know a couple who were very serious about each other and talking of marriage, but when an unplanned pregnancy happened and a subsequent miscarriage, the trauma of that caused them to break up. Same thing with a married couple I know that went through a couple of miscarriages--the trauma of those events made them want to disassociate themselves from that whole difficult time in their life, and caused them to emotionally distance themselves from their SO. I'm sorry, but in your case, distancing is your gf's way of putting this unpleasant experience in her past, and you are a reminder to her of that difficult event in her life, and that is why she is distancing herself from you. For some, it brings people closer together. For many, especially if they are not married, it proves to be too much of a strain on a relationship to go through such a traumatic event, and people would rather distance themselves from it than have to look at a constant reminder of it, which is you. Sorry, but that is often the case, especially for people that are not married. The stress and hurt that comes from a miscarriage is something people want to distance themselves from in order to cope with the loss.
flitzanu Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 She broke up with me a month later saying the spark is gone and doesnt have the same feelings. you need to pay attention to what she said. there's no hidden meaning, she told you she doesn't want to be with you.
Zammo25 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 My ex and I were together for 3 years everything was great then by accident she fell pregnant and had a miscarriage a month and a bit later. Take in mind we used protect and she took the morning after pill. Anyway, after the miscarriage she became a different person. Unrecognizable. She was more insecure, less confident, wanted attention from guys. The way her behaviour was, was totally different from girl i was going out for 3 years with. I supported her through the pregnancy and the miscarriage but she changed afterwards. She broke up with me a month later saying the spark is gone and doesnt have the same feelings. We have been broken up for a month and everyday is killing me because i need her back. Now shes seeing someone and its just hurtful im in so much pain. This isnt anything like the girl i have 3 yrs of memories and love with. What do I do? How can i get her back? Im tryin to move on but i have an unfinished vibe between us and its strong too. Ive never had a vibe like that about any other relationship ive had and some of them were long serious relationships too. There is no " unfinished vibe " here she is with someone else.
kyle77 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 People change in life...maybe thats just the direction she is going to go in for right now....take it from a guy who wasted 10 months of his life trying to get a girl back your best bet is just to try and move on and enjoy life as much as possible without her. Believe me! thinking back on it now i wonder if I had tried to move on sooner whether or not me and my ex would have gotten back together. Its not worth it to cry over someone who isn't crying over you. Who knows this may just be an opportunity to meet someone better or improve upon yourself to make her come back and stay with you forever.
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