spinaroonie Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 HB7 is sitting across the aisle from me on the train that I just got on. I scoot over to my left, lean towards her and... Me: Excuse me. I thought you were really cute and I just wanted to say hi. HB7: Oh haha Me: So where are you headed? HB7: I'm sorry what? Me: I said I thought you were really cute and I just wanted to say hi HB7: Oh haha. I'm headed to work in [city] as a part-time [assistant of some sort] Me: Oh cool what's your name? HB7: -- Me: Nice to meet you. I'm --. Conversation was a bore. We had very little in common. Conversation often came to a lull, but we still kept it going throughout the 40 minute train ride. I learned about her major, her irish and italian roots, her taste in classical and ska music, her career plans, where she goes to school, her sister's plans to stay in college an extra year, the town she grew up in, jersey shore TV show, where she is working this summer, and how sketchy the city that she works in is etc. She told me a story about how once, while walking to or from work in the city, a short guy approached her from behind with the same line I used and asked for her phone number, which creeped her out. I was like "hey that's what i did", while scratching the back of my head. She also commented about how weird the people on the train are, while a ton of passengers crowded onto the train at a stop; she also added "i don't mean you" at the end of this remark. Likewise, I talked a bit about where I went to school, where I work, and experiences I had in the city. When we finally arrived at our last train stop, I let her step onto the aisle to exit first. As we walked on to the platform, I whipped out my phone and... Me: "Hey what's your phone number?" HB7: Oh sure! it's -- Me: Got it HB7: Text me so I have yours too! (leaves) Me: Will do Fast forward 2 days laters, when I finally text her. Our conversation via text happened like this: Me: Hey -- this is --, guy from the train. Happy 4th of July! How are you? HB7: Hey --! I'm doing fine, just doing typical 4th of July stuff lol Me: You mean nothing right? Jk though that is what i'm doing on 4th of july. you free this friday or saturday around 7? HB7: I'm actually not, sorry I have plans Friday and a Grad party Saturday Me: That's cool. You free any other day? HB7: I'm really really sorry I probably shouldn't, I've been in a serious relationship for a while and I don't think he would like to see me out with a guy I just met. I'm so flattered that you noticed me and you're very cute and nice, I'm just taken at the moment, I'm sorry about that Me: No worries! I wish you the best Was she honest? What did I do wrong?
neowulf Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Conversation was a bore. We had very little in common. Conversation often came to a lull, but we still kept it going throughout the 40 minute train ride. See above. That's why it didn't go anywhere. As for what you did wrong, nothing at all. You rolled the dice and it didn't go anywhere, because you guys just didn't click. No biggy. Next! 3
Author spinaroonie Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 What you did is not recognize the glaring signs that she wasn't interested in you from the get go but was nice enough to entertain your awkward conversation. She probably viewed you as aggressive and pushy, and didn't expect to be hit on on the train on the way to work. She is not a flake, she was honest with you about having a boyfriend and afforded you that opportunity to that knowledge. Get over it. Most girls with legitimate boyfriends with drop their boyfriend somewhere in the convo. Especially if it's 40 minutes long. In this case I doubt she really had a boyfriend, but she gave me her number to avoid confrontation and lied about the bf to turn me down nicely. 3
Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I still don't know why guys continue to "chase" females. None of them are worth it. When they are interested in you, they usually make it clear; ie: starting a conversation, "accidentally" bumping into you, lingering in your proximity for longer than usual, repeatedly crossing by you.... They do tons of things trying to get noticed. Why not just pick from the ones that are actually demonstrating interest? There's usually tons of them that do this and I'm not even a model looking guy. I'm 6'0", 190lbs, and 17" arms. Chasing is a fool's game. And most guys are fools. 2
lino Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 See above. That's why it didn't go anywhere. As for what you did wrong, nothing at all. You rolled the dice and it didn't go anywhere, because you guys just didn't click. No biggy. Next! I agree with this. I also don't believe she had a boyfriend, was just a way out for her. Doing cold approaches like that is always high risk. What does hb7 mean? Didn't understand what you meant there OP.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 HB7 is sitting across the aisle from me on the train that I just got on. I scoot over to my left, lean towards her and... Me: Excuse me. I thought you were really cute and I just wanted to say hi. HB7: Oh haha Me: So where are you headed? HB7: I'm sorry what? Me: I said I thought you were really cute and I just wanted to say hi HB7: Oh haha. I'm headed to work in [city] as a part-time [assistant of some sort] Me: Oh cool what's your name? HB7: -- Me: Nice to meet you. I'm --. Conversation was a bore. We had very little in common. Conversation often came to a lull, but we still kept it going throughout the 40 minute train ride. I learned about her major, her irish and italian roots, her taste in classical and ska music, her career plans, where she goes to school, her sister's plans to stay in college an extra year, the town she grew up in, jersey shore TV show, where she is working this summer, and how sketchy the city that she works in is etc. She told me a story about how once, while walking to or from work in the city, a short guy approached her from behind with the same line I used and asked for her phone number, which creeped her out. I was like "hey that's what i did", while scratching the back of my head. She also commented about how weird the people on the train are, while a ton of passengers crowded onto the train at a stop; she also added "i don't mean you" at the end of this remark. Likewise, I talked a bit about where I went to school, where I work, and experiences I had in the city. When we finally arrived at our last train stop, I let her step onto the aisle to exit first. As we walked on to the platform, I whipped out my phone and... Me: "Hey what's your phone number?" HB7: Oh sure! it's -- Me: Got it HB7: Text me so I have yours too! (leaves) Me: Will do Fast forward 2 days laters, when I finally text her. Our conversation via text happened like this: Me: Hey -- this is --, guy from the train. Happy 4th of July! How are you? HB7: Hey --! I'm doing fine, just doing typical 4th of July stuff lol Me: You mean nothing right? Jk though that is what i'm doing on 4th of july. you free this friday or saturday around 7? HB7: I'm actually not, sorry I have plans Friday and a Grad party Saturday Me: That's cool. You free any other day? HB7: I'm really really sorry I probably shouldn't, I've been in a serious relationship for a while and I don't think he would like to see me out with a guy I just met. I'm so flattered that you noticed me and you're very cute and nice, I'm just taken at the moment, I'm sorry about that Me: No worries! I wish you the best Was she honest? What did I do wrong? You did nothing wrong. She was being a typical woman. She should've just spared you the phone number and told you this the other day, or at least found a way to sneak having a boyfriend into the conversation, but that's women for you. I can't be sure if she really has a man. If she was cute and sexy then yea, she probably does. I think you messed up doing the 2-day dating rule. Any excitement from the previous conversation on the train has fizzled out and the 48 hour lapse hurts its chances of bringing it back. By the way, the girl didn't flake on you. That's a wrong title to use. I'd be more than happy to say "yea, she flaked like all women" but in this case it was a simple blow-off. Next time, don't hold such long chats with women. Go for the jugular within seconds. At best, a few minutes of talking so you don't feel so invested in these dames. 2
Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 What exactly would that make you then? Your superior.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 This is actually disturbing when I think about it. Most guys are pussy-beggars. Especially that Kaylan clown. It's ass kissers like that keep women expecting everything to be handed to them while they sit around doing nothing. They know that there's so many desperate dudes who would do anything for pussy. Don't even get me started on the pussy beggars. By my estimation, at least 70% of North American men fall in that category. Primitive, sexually frustrated betas salivating at every pair boobs that falls in their line of vision. In their slavish stupidity, these morons have upset the pussy supply/demand equilibrium and created a "pussy inflation" of unimaginable proportions. And then they wonder why some average looking chick flakes on them after being subjected to a 40 minute long lame-ass pickup attempt. 3
NYC-BigKat Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Most girls with legitimate boyfriends with drop their boyfriend somewhere in the convo. Especially if it's 40 minutes long. In this case I doubt she really had a boyfriend, but she gave me her number to avoid confrontation and lied about the bf to turn me down nicely. Um...if thats the texts she sent u about having a boyfriend she didn't lie. I can tell she was being honest to u so please dont be mad at her ok? I'm in here struggling just to get a date & u get numbers so u doing better than me .
mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Good for you for taking such a chance! But, for whatever reason, she is just not interested. Move on but don't loose that sense of courage.
MrCastle Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Sometimes it's not about you doing something wrong. Cold approaches are a numbers game. Some women are going to be interested, some aren't. I will say this though; of all the men I know in real life that are successful with women, not one has cold approached a woman.
counterman Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 That's just the nature of the game. Sometimes you don't do anything wrong and sometimes you do. If the conversation was boring that probably had something to do with it. I've tried to pick up a girl on the train before. It was BORING and she was really shy and conservative. I knew nothing would eventuate from it, and that's just the way it is. One thing I would suggest is just asking a girl to hang out or on a date before you leave, then get her digits. This has worked heaps well for me. Girls either tell me upfront they're not interested or they're 'busy' or they agree to going out. Bare in mind, they could still slip in the boyfriend line to show there disinterest. Just move on if that's the case
fishtaco Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I've done more than that only to have it meant nothing. Because that's just how it is. People pull the vanishing move all the time. Hell sometimes I pull it on women. It is what it is. In the beginning, it's all a game. Then if things progress, and only IF THINGS PROGRESS, then you can start to take things a bit seriously, a little bit at a time. Keep rolling that dice. The more you roll, the more you win.
Author spinaroonie Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Of the last 13 girls I number closed, 5 didn't text back. Not even 1 text. I'm going to experiment with time bridging wherein at a conversational high point, I tell her I must leave but would love to continue the conversation over coffee before requesting the number. I think this would lead to a much more solid number close. I'd much rather have a woman reject me to my face than rather than hand me her number and ignore my texts afterwards, but I suspect many women are too meek to do this. It's far more cruel and emotionally draining to give a man false hope! 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 She told me a story about how once, while walking to or from work in the city, a short guy approached her from behind with the same line I used and asked for her phone number, which creeped her out. I was like "hey that's what i did", while scratching the back of my head. This also could have something to do with it. Take a hint - these canned "pitches" are not working! Or, at least consider that she probably knew exactly where you were coming from and maybe felt sorry for you so could not just reject you offhand. I think if a girl knows that she's getting a "line" she is either going to scoff or pity. Is scratching the back of your head part of the recommended "closing" behavior? Just wondering why you included that. What is "HB7"? It sounds like a model number for a printer or something.
joystickd Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Next time try to meet women in places where you are able to talk for a little give your number then leave because sometimes long drawn out conversations can be an attraction killer. Oh Yeah! Totally ignore the pussy begging crew. What do they know about approaching? I bet they got Popeye forearms lol
NYC-BigKat Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Sometimes it's not about you doing something wrong. Cold approaches are a numbers game. Some women are going to be interested, some aren't. I will say this though; of all the men I know in real life that are successful with women, not one has cold approached a woman. Maybe that's why I'm doing so bad . I'm always doing cold approaches to girls in streets & in stores & in parks & anywhere I can find them. I do have 2 buddies that I hang out with. We play football together & then we go look for girls in the city but I'm doing most of the cold stuff. They only stand there & laugh or they'll say stupid comments to them but I'm only doing the real walking up to them. How can I improve my chances?
MrCastle Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Maybe that's why I'm doing so bad . I'm always doing cold approaches to girls in streets & in stores & in parks & anywhere I can find them. I do have 2 buddies that I hang out with. We play football together & then we go look for girls in the city but I'm doing most of the cold stuff. They only stand there & laugh or they'll say stupid comments to them but I'm only doing the real walking up to them. How can I improve my chances? Well the best way to meet girls is through social circles. Clubs, jobs, school, friends of friends, big get togethers, etc. If you do approach, you have to use a sniper rifle not a shotgun. Pick the girls that are giving you signs of interest. Eye contact, maybe a smile or something. Approach those if you're keen on approaching and go from there. Some dudes just walk up to any girl they find attractive, regardless of whether or not the girl gave them the green light. There are too many variables to that. She can be disinterested, she can have a bf, she can be having a bad day, she can be shy, she can be creeped out, etc etc. The success for anything meaningful happening outside of landing a phone number are pretty slim. You increase your chances by approaching girls that are giving body language signs that say "come over here"
MikeyBe Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 HB7: Hey --! I'm doing fine, just doing typical 4th of July stuff lol Me: You mean nothing right? Jk though that is what i'm doing on 4th of july. ... What did I do wrong? Well for one, a date with you doesn't sound so thrilling. You don't ever seem to be doing anything. Or that's kinda what you're implying. i.e you free this friday or saturday around 7? You free any other day?
Shaun-Dro Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) Well the best way to meet girls is through social circles. Clubs, jobs, school, friends of friends, big get togethers, etc. If you do approach, you have to use a sniper rifle not a shotgun. Pick the girls that are giving you signs of interest. Eye contact, maybe a smile or something. Approach those if you're keen on approaching and go from there. Some dudes just walk up to any girl they find attractive, regardless of whether or not the girl gave them the green light. There are too many variables to that. She can be disinterested, she can have a bf, she can be having a bad day, she can be shy, she can be creeped out, etc etc. The success for anything meaningful happening outside of landing a phone number are pretty slim. You increase your chances by approaching girls that are giving body language signs that say "come over here" That's good advice, but it seems Bigkat isn't getting any signs from any of the women he wants to hit on. That may be the whole problem right there if you think about it. I think going the escort route is best for him right now, just to get up his confidence when around women. Not all men need to do this, but certain types, like Bigkat, One goal, etc. can definitely use this tool for a while. Edited July 5, 2012 by Shaun-Dro missed a space
ThaWholigan Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 That's good advice, but it seems Bigkat isn't getting any signs from any of the women he wants to hit on. That may be the whole problem right there if you think about it. I think going the escort route is best for him right now, just to get up his confidence when around women. Not all men need to do this, but certain types, like Bigkat, One goal, etc. can definitely use this tool for a while. Bigkat strikes me as a very emotional young man. He needs a channel for that, and he will have more confidence. He sounds fragile.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Bigkat strikes me as a very emotional young man. He needs a channel for that, and he will have more confidence. He sounds fragile. So do you agree with me on the escort route for him and few others, but more for him, because he comes off pretty decent but can't catch a small break with women? If you have a better suggestion, I'm all ears.
ThaWholigan Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 So do you agree with me on the escort route for him and few others, but more for him, because he comes off pretty decent but can't catch a small break with women? If you have a better suggestion, I'm all ears. Well, it's up to him, I or you can't tell him what to do. The way I see it, he certainly can go and see an escort if he wants. It's a quick release, and he'll get some pent up frustration out of himself. Maybe he will even experience a lift in his confidence - but this isn't a certainty, and it is a gamble. I wouldn't do it personally, otherwise I would have done it already. He could do it the hard way though, the way I have chosen - that is simply to man up. Make the steps to become an attractive man and realize that rejection happens and people will play many social games on many levels, understand the power plays of women (and other men), and act accordingly. I have acquired a level of emotional mastery I never thought I would reach. This is what needs to be done. Leave your ego at the door when you are dealing with dating. Sh*t will happen.
Seneca Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Here are my humble thoughts on ways to improve... Me: Excuse me. I thought you were really cute and I just wanted to say hi. Stop dishing out compliments. Creepy pursuer guys do this all the time... Look. It's nice to say nice things about people. But only if you just say it and then leave. If you are using it to pick up on girls it will get interpreted as you seeking their attention... Next time you want to talk to a girl. Do NOT compliment them on their looks. Despite all the "pick up" guru advice out there. Conversation was a bore. We had very little in common... She told me a story about how once, while walking to or from work in the city, a short guy approached her from behind with the same line I used and asked for her phone number, which creeped her out. I was like "hey that's what i did", while scratching the back of my head. She also commented about how weird the people on the train are, while a ton of passengers crowded onto the train at a stop; she also added "i don't mean you" at the end of this remark. Likewise, I talked a bit about where I went to school, where I work, and experiences I had in the city. Conversations are only boring... if you take it seriously. You have to find ways to entertain yourself. For example, when she comments about people being weird on the train. You could say... "Yeah, I had a feeling this was a weird train. I was walking down the aisle and somebody grabbed my ass..." So if you want to have more fun conversations. Learn to banter. It takes practice, but the next time when you are talking to people. Try to joke around more. They won't always laugh or get some of your jokes. But when you are having fun, they will be having fun as well... I will say this though; of all the men I know in real life that are successful with women, not one has cold approached a woman. Very true. I wear clothes now because the cold approach hasn't worked very well for me.
dispatch3d Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 The phone is not a place to sell yourself to the girl. Its a logistics thing. Work out if she's single and if she'd like to get a bite to eat/drink/etc before you get the number. Honestly the number isn't worth anything, and if she isn't interested she will enjoy the ego boost of giving you the number then giving you the cold shoulder. 1
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