Procrastinator Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I know this sounds like the most ridiculous thing I could ever do, but obviously it's one of the reasons for us breaking up. Thanks in advance for your advice and reading this, objectively. When it comes to emotions all my objectivity is out the door Basically I dated him for a year, we were happy. He had to move to Hawaii. We both planned on going to law school together. We both go into Hawaii (ranked 106) and Tulane (ranked 51). He chose Hawaii because it would only cost him less than $40,000. He thought I would chose the higher ranking school, costing $150,000 for me. So he broke it off because we would never live in the same place again. Emails later he also mentions that even though we are in love, we can't be compatible because I don't challenge him spiritually and we'd frustrate each other in the long run. God's put us on different paths and if he wanted us on the same path it would be unmistakable. So I offer to go to Hawaii. He says its foolish. But then after watching a video message I sent him. He's been starting to have a harder time with the breakup. Should I throw caution to the wind and bind myself to Hawaii for the rest of my life on the off chance that he might change his mind?...or do i stay miserable on the mainland? Tulane$150K for me Hawaii $150K for me. Do I risk it...has he already made his decision? ...im still hoping...
FitChick Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Sounds like neither of you have heard that job prospects for new lawyers are practically nonexistent unless you go to a top ten school. Do you want to pay off student loans for the rest of your life while you are working at Starbucks? A lawyer friend of mine, who went to Harvard Law and is working as a lawyer, told me some law school, I forgot the name, is being sued by its students because it claimed that graduates were 90% employed or something. They were employed, but not as lawyers. I'd pick another career if I were you.
TMichaels Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Procrastinator, I think the most pivotal and important issue isn't how much your law degree costs or where you should pursue it, it's how do you feel about this "God's put us on different paths and if he wanted us on the same path it would be unmistakable" business? If you don't see eye to eye with him on this issue, then he's right. You're not compatible and every other decision you're trying to weigh are moot points. Having said that however, be very careful you're not letting "the haze of love" cloud your decision making. Because to be honest, I think this guy no matter how well the two of you may have gotten along in the past either: a) Already knows "you're not the one," may be slightly relieved you went your separate ways in terms of choice of law school, and is trying to let you down gently by saying things obviously aren't meant to be. Or, b) May be more manipulative than you know or suspect. Sorry, but if he's having second thoughts about the breakup due to the distance, there's more than one option (i.e. you moving and pursuing your degree *there*) yet it sounds like that's the only option that's on the table. Why is that? Sounds unnervingly like it's "his way, or the highway." Not good. If I were you, I wouldn't be toddling off to Hawaii. If *he* wants this to work, then he needs to get off his butt and demonstrate he's willing to do his part to pursue the relationship and you. You chasing after him "in an effort to save things" isn't going to make him love you more. And finally, you need to come to grips with what's at stake here is more than an affair of the heart. The decision you make about what profession to pursue and where to get your schooling will have a much more profound effect on your life than a guy you've been in a relationship with for a year. Yeah I know... "They say" money can't buy happiness and it's love that makes the world go 'round, but the truth is, money indeed may not buy you happiness but it does give you options -- and your alma mater, especially in a professional field like law, does make a difference when it comes to employability and one's lifetime earning potential. My advice to you would be go to the school that will put you in the best position career-wise so no matter what happens in your life you will always be in a good position to support yourself and/or your family -- and make this your first priority. And, to take a page out of your bf's book, if your relationship with him is meant to be, it won't matter if the two of you are geographically together or apart while you both pursue your degrees. The distance is just a means to an end if *you both* are committed being together in the long run. Best, TMichaels 2
neiljohnson85 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I say don't move because he has already said he doesn't want to try and have a family. He moved away to have his life and he is happy. There is nothing you can do to bond this father with his son, so don't even try this is on him. I know that all mothers want their children to be happy, but you son will be very happy because he has a mother that is putting his best interests to heart. Go on with your life and be the best mother you can be. Don't worry about your ex, this will hit him years from now when he wants a relationship with his child and your son turns his back on his father like he did to him. Move on and let him be the one to stay in contact, don't waste your time on this man.
Recommended Posts