john7474 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me stating her feelings changed for me. We were together for 18months. We had issues with communication and it seemed like we were never on the same page. I would speak and express feelings through some logic but also with feelings and emotion, you know coming from my heart. She would return back with fact and no emotion. I tried to speak reason with her and express my feelings that would should try and work through our problems but she was not open to that. We work in the same place so no contact was difficult for me to handle in the begining but have done my best to avoid her and not contact her for the past two weeks. During this time, I proceeded to try and work on myself and read a book on attachments that was very useful. Looking back now, I realize that she has an advoidant attachment style and mine was secure before we met. After being with her, I became more insecure/anxious because of her attachment style and was bending way to much. She fits all the criteria of having an avoidant attachment. Below is a link that explains that attachment style. Top Ten Signs Your Partner is Avoidant | aloftyexistence I believe that our relationship truly started to fall apart when I started to express how I feel about her and we not get any type of response back in return except statements that felt cold. I know she recently signed onto a dating site attempting to meet new people and date again. She is aware that she carries emotional baggage but probably not that she is advoidant. I do still care for her but am not sure if I should talk to her about this. It might just anger her further. She views me as needy because I wanted to feel loved and appreciated in our relationship and I see know she doesn't know how to reciprocate those feelings because she is out of touch with her emotions. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have handled the situation much differently. Should i speak/write her about this avoidant tendency she possesses?
Samilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me stating her feelings changed for me. We were together for 18months. We had issues with communication and it seemed like we were never on the same page. I would speak and express feelings through some logic but also with feelings and emotion, you know coming from my heart. She would return back with fact and no emotion. I tried to speak reason with her and express my feelings that would should try and work through our problems but she was not open to that. We work in the same place so no contact was difficult for me to handle in the begining but have done my best to avoid her and not contact her for the past two weeks. During this time, I proceeded to try and work on myself and read a book on attachments that was very useful. Looking back now, I realize that she has an advoidant attachment style and mine was secure before we met. After being with her, I became more insecure/anxious because of her attachment style and was bending way to much. She fits all the criteria of having an avoidant attachment. Below is a link that explains that attachment style. Top Ten Signs Your Partner is Avoidant | aloftyexistence I believe that our relationship truly started to fall apart when I started to express how I feel about her and we not get any type of response back in return except statements that felt cold. I know she recently signed onto a dating site attempting to meet new people and date again. She is aware that she carries emotional baggage but probably not that she is advoidant. I do still care for her but am not sure if I should talk to her about this. It might just anger her further. She views me as needy because I wanted to feel loved and appreciated in our relationship and I see know she doesn't know how to reciprocate those feelings because she is out of touch with her emotions. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have handled the situation much differently. Should i speak/write her about this avoidant tendency she possesses? Why would you want to do that? To "open her eyes" and have her back into your life? She'll finally understand she's the reason you broke up and will decide to be back with you? Personally if an ex I don't love anymore was to be back into my life holding a book in front of my face explaining that I am "faulty" I'd ask him who the heck he thinks he is and walk away. Beside, what if your neediness is what made her act that way?.. You said you broke up 2 months ago and have been in nc for 2 weeks. So for a month and half you were trying to maintain contact, showing yourself to be needy, again? Think about it .. I would really leave it alone and keep on working on getting better. It's over, maintain NC.
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