delight Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 So I met my boyfriend who is in the American army, 8 months ago. He's based in Germany and I in Ireland. When he went back to the states last Christmas, we were only together 1 month and a female friend who he had slept with posted pictures of her hugging him on facebook. I was so jealous because number 1 I knew she had wanted to get back with him, he never told me the extent of their relationship but I gather it was something. She texts him every 2 weeks even though he has a female best friend of about 5 years that he rarely talks to. On Patricks weekend I discovered texts from her asking how our relationship was going and that long distance relationships are hard.He can't see how manipulative she is, he said she moved to his town and only has him and his friends - that hers are 2.5 hours away. I'm relocating to live with him in the states from Ireland. What to do ?
justwhoiam Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Well, if he's open with you enough and has nothing to hide, he can give you his facebook password and you can access it whenever and see what happens in real time. The same goes for texting, most providers can let you see the texting online, so you can see what goes on between them. If she crosses the line, you two cut her off. Bottom line. Beware: this can be painful if he's flirty. He might not do that on purpose, as he knows you can read everything, but it's just a personality trait. Good luck 1
pettie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Well, if he's open with you enough and has nothing to hide, he can give you his facebook password and you can access it whenever and see what happens in real time. The same goes for texting, most providers can let you see the texting online, so you can see what goes on between them. If she crosses the line, you two cut her off. Bottom line. Beware: this can be painful if he's flirty. He might not do that on purpose, as he knows you can read everything, but it's just a personality trait. Good luck Wow. I find this quite intrusive, even if he has nothing to hide. While I would be definetely jealous, I wouldn't ever suggest doing what's written above: first of all, because there *you* would be the one crossing personal boundaries and second, he'd see you as desperate and especially, that you don't trust him. You mention that you have "discovered' many things of their relationship. He is with you right now, I would address the issue directly and have a honest talk about it. All the best. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 If you trust him what's the problem? If you don't trust him why are you with him? He should however tell her he's with you now and that there need to be boundaries IF she's trying to take things too far. From what you've said here though it doesn't sound like she's done anything out of line. No reason why ex's have to stop all contact with each other once they split up if they want to remain friends. My partner's ex was emotionally dependent on him after they split up and he probably was with her as well, I trusted him, knew they were just friends, but she was staying over every weekend and even sleeping in the same bed for a while as she used to have nightmares (yes I know it sounds dodgy, but it actually wasn't, and we got it sorted out a long time ago) and I told him he needed to be clear to her where his boundaries were as he's with me now, and that's what he did I think if you've only spent a month with each other it's far too soon to talk about moving countries, especially as you sound like you don't trust him. So I met my boyfriend who is in the American army, 8 months ago. He's based in Germany and I in Ireland. When he went back to the states last Christmas, we were only together 1 month and a female friend who he had slept with posted pictures of her hugging him on facebook. I was so jealous because number 1 I knew she had wanted to get back with him, he never told me the extent of their relationship but I gather it was something. She texts him every 2 weeks even though he has a female best friend of about 5 years that he rarely talks to. On Patricks weekend I discovered texts from her asking how our relationship was going and that long distance relationships are hard.He can't see how manipulative she is, he said she moved to his town and only has him and his friends - that hers are 2.5 hours away. I'm relocating to live with him in the states from Ireland. What to do ? 1
HeavenOrHell Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Far too intrusive!! And there's no point in a r/ship without trust. Well, if he's open with you enough and has nothing to hide, he can give you his facebook password and you can access it whenever and see what happens in real time. The same goes for texting, most providers can let you see the texting online, so you can see what goes on between them. If she crosses the line, you two cut her off. Bottom line. Beware: this can be painful if he's flirty. He might not do that on purpose, as he knows you can read everything, but it's just a personality trait. Good luck 1
justwhoiam Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I did not consider it's just been a month. Some sharing should be done only further in a relationship, but I don't see any problem with it. I go with the saying: what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. It's just a different point of view. But I also value privacy. But some women can be scheming, that's a fact. 1
TMichaels Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I'm relocating to live with him in the states from Ireland. What to do ? Jealousies aside, I'm curious how you are planning to relocate to live with him in the States. Do you have dual citizenship? If not, what kind of visa will you be entering the country with? You realize, don't you, you simply can't pack you bags and move to America just because your boyfriend lives there and you want to... (?) Best, TMichaels
Author delight Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Hey huys thanks for all the answers I'm with him 8 months, I have dual citizenship as I was born there so guess thats handy
TMichaels Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I'm with him 8 months, I have dual citizenship as I was born there so guess thats handy Yes, quite. Just wanted to check since so many people are under the assumption they can just up sticks and move to America if the mood suits. However, even if you can enter the country and live there legally, do you have a source of income, or do you have a job already lined up? Many people are also under the assumption that finding a job in America is a piece of cake. Depends on what part of the country in which you're living and looking and the type of job you want, but by and large, Unemployment rates are still high in the States and there are plenty of people still out of work. Unless you've accepted a transfer from a company that has locations in Ireland and the U.S. be prepared to be unemployed for a while after you arrive and/or the need to accept a very low-paying job if you can find one. If that's the case, is your b/f prepared to support you? Have the two of you discussed that? How will you feel about having to ask him for a few quid every time you want to buy yourself a fizzy drink? Best, TMichaels
Author delight Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks all the same Michael but my question was not about employment or the purchasing of fizzy drinks that's why its posted in the long distance relationship forum.
TMichaels Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks all the same Michael but my question was not about employment or the purchasing of fizzy drinks that's why its posted in the long distance relationship forum. That's all well and good, delight. But relocation and living arrangements ARE a big deal in any relationship, especially when you're talking about an LDR where one half is moving country to bridge the gap. If you don't believe me, spend some time reading past posts in this forum and you'll find a fair number of them that deal with the problems and challenges of closing the distance, living together, working and supporting oneself in another country and culture, and on and on. If you're independently wealthy or have assurance that your partner's income is sufficient to support the two of you and he's committed to doing so, fair play to you. However, most LDR couples aren't that lucky and in the excitement of closing the distance once and for all, they often overlook the day-to-day practicalities involved. It's those very same "realities" that frequently cause the most tension and drive people apart. You've known this guy eight months and are moving half-way around the world to live with him. You're already suspicious and jealous of this guy's FB friends. Just wait until an issue like money rears its ugly head, then the sparks will really fly. If you don't care, that's your prerogative. But the time to think about "Plan B" isn't when you're sitting on the curb in a country not your own when things have gone arseways. Best, TMichaels
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