sypoy Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) We’ve been together for about a year. I love her so much & I know that she loves me too. About a month ago I asked her to consider me for marriage & asked her to talk about it but she refused. She said that because of our cultural differences her father wouldn’t agree to that. And at the end she told me “You’re not the person that I want” & refused to talk to me about this subject, stating that she doesn’t want to talk about something that won’t happen. The reason that I told this to her was her own behavior & words. I was sure that she’s trying to tell me that “If you want to marry me, it’s time to ask me” During the relationship I tried to be great in every way that I could think of. After that (which was during texting) whenever I try to talk to her about this she just says that she doesn’t want to talk about this and refuses to do so. Since I don’t like the path that this relationship is going, I’m considering breaking up with her. We were friends at first, then we became close friends & now BF & GF. THE PROBLEM is that she has a different (unique) personality. She’s not a social person, rarely talks about her feelings or shows them. It’s like she doesn’t have the ability to do so. Her personality is so different that I considered taking her to a physiologist & I will do this. (I feel like I own her to do this for every moment that she made me happy) At the start of our relationship I was thinking about breaking up with her because I thought her behavior was very indifference. But then I saw that it’s because of her personality. What I’m worried now is that maybe there is something else but she just can’t say or express it. She had other suitors too & she talked with them a lot, but refuses to do so with me. I really see no other alternative if that’s the case, because I’m getting involved toooooo much. Any suggestions, explanations, etc. would be appreciated. (There are other small problems too, but they can be solved.) Thanks. Edited July 4, 2012 by sypoy
Ingridf Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I was in a similar situation to yours, I mean hers.. Although I don't know the gravity of the situation it kinda relates to my own. My parents never accepted my bf, now my ex because of his past. He was separated and had kids. That was all fine by me and not them. At all costs they did not want me with him and for the last couple of months I tried saving somehow all I had with him to the extremity of keeping my relationship with him a secret from my parents. This is we're it all kicked off and he then went ahead and made his own decision to break up with me, and tell me not to come back. And it's been 4 days I've not heard anything from him now. I loved him with all my heart but honestly am lost. As everything I tried doing for us was just thrown back to me. Whatever you do, any decision you take I think it's best you both sit down and have a long chat about the situation and how her father will be of influence to your relationship. Don't just blurt anything out or come to any decision unless you're sure of it...
blotter Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Sounds like she is emotionally unavailable. Good luck with that, cause it ain't gonna change anytime soon.
Samilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I am a bit shocked to see you suggesting "taking her to see a physiologist".. you're not her family, her husband, and she doesn't have suicidal tendencies.. That would really get me mad if someone thought he could "take me" to see a shrink because he thinks he has a word to say about how I handle my life. If anything share your thoughts, but be very careful about the way you handle the conversation... Anyway.. she doesn't want to marry you, the father might be an excuse, or not, but in both cases her answer was clear. You guys are just dating, she doesn't see a long term future with you, that's simple enough. Yes, I would break up and find someone more in line with me.
Author sypoy Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 I meant counselor & don't be shocked, her problems are serious (that's one of the reasons that I have doubts, because I care about her). I talked about her with a few counselors & physiologists & all of them suggested the same thing. I will TRY to convince her. And don't worry, I know how to handle such conversations.
Author sypoy Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) I was in a similar situation to yours, I mean hers.. Although I don't know the gravity of the situation it kinda relates to my own. My parents never accepted my bf, now my ex because of his past. He was separated and had kids. That was all fine by me and not them. At all costs they did not want me with him and for the last couple of months I tried saving somehow all I had with him to the extremity of keeping my relationship with him a secret from my parents. This is we're it all kicked off and he then went ahead and made his own decision to break up with me, and tell me not to come back. And it's been 4 days I've not heard anything from him now. I loved him with all my heart but honestly am lost. As everything I tried doing for us was just thrown back to me. Whatever you do, any decision you take I think it's best you both sit down and have a long chat about the situation and how her father will be of influence to your relationship. Don't just blurt anything out or come to any decision unless you're sure of it... She also told me that “You’re not the person that I want” Were you in the same situation? Also we didn't contact each other for a while (happened a few times). Every time because she was too sensitive to listen to me & didn't want to talk about something & I was the one to blame. And each time I tried to do whatever I could. Edited July 4, 2012 by sypoy
Ingridf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 He's never bluntly said that to me. And if I had to hear those words from him, then yeah I'd probably see it as a waste of time continuing with the relationship... Then again I'm a softie myself and would always have doubt whether those words said were honest or just out of anger.. We've always spent days apart after every break up we had, and all because he was too proud to ever give in or try act like he gives a s.... My ex he was very stubborn and and no matter how much and how hard I tried my best to talk or communicate with him, it only got a point were it would all go silent. Small things would change but other than that it always been same same for me.
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