LoverOfDance Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I have been trying to get over this guy I really like cause he has a gf. The last time I saw him was a month ago. I have made a lot of progress since that time. I don't miss him as much, I feel so much better and I'm not as sad as I used to be but I just can't get closure. I just don't feel like it's over yet. I feel like this thing between us(whatever it is) is not gonna end(ever) until I let it go. I'm not gonna go to his classes until I'm sure that I'm completely over him but I know I'm gonna see him again at a dance event or something. I know why I can't let go. It's because when I'm around him, he acts like he cares. If he was mean to me like the last guy I liked was, it would have been so much easier for me to let go. But he's not mean at all. When I'm around, even though he doesn't say much, he doesn't want me to leave. Please help me, I don't know how to let him go. I'm doing so much better now but I know I'm still holding on to hope that something miraculous will happen. How do I let go completely? How do I give up hope? Keeping busy won't do it. If hope is there, it is there and it won't leave until something happens - something that makes u decide in you're heart that you're truly done. What is this thing and how do i make it happen? Please help.
Christine52 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Like many young people who crush on someone they barely know, you may be putting this man on a pedastle. You haven't really been in a relationship with him so you don't know all his faults, and the ways he can be a douche at times (everyone has these ways). Stop thinking about him in such a positive light. Stop thinking he would be the perfect boyfriend. You don't know this. Be realistic, admit you're really attracted to him, but it'd be wise to hold off on crushing/day dreaming on someone you really don't know all that well (i.e. he is not acting completely himself around you - this only happens when you've dated someone for like at least 3 years, hence the term 7 year itch).
Author LoverOfDance Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 When I think about it, I actually know him(we danced together 4 a year and a few months). I just don't think I would call him my best friend because I tell him stuff but only when we are in a group. He knows me pretty well which kind of surprises me sometimes. He tells me stuff about myself which tells me that he observes me a lot. We are not strangers at all. I've seen a few of his flaws. I know he can be childish sometimes. He can also be impatient sometimes but he tries to be patient. I understand though. It's not easy to be patient all the time especially if you're a teacher. I don't overlook his bad qualities. I even look 4 them just to help make myself less attracted to him but I still really like him. I need to let this go. I really need to but I just don't know how.
betterdeal Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Accept. Accept your feelings: you have felt attracted to him. Accept your situation: you are not dating him. Accept his ways: his is caring, but he is dating someone else. Accepting doesn't mean you have to like it, but it can help you make better choices for your life. Feelings come and go, like thoughts. Just accept you have them, experience them, and let them go. Then when you feel you've processed those feelings, you will have closure. And if you find yourself holding onto feelings, ask yourself why? Often we do that to avoid moving on, to avoid getting involved with someone else, or being single, because we are scared of getting hurt again, or being lonely. So, really, you don't actually have a special bond to this man: you are just using these feelings, this unrequited love, to avoid change (so the theory goes). Maybe ogle some other men: just check them out discretely on the street or at school or college or the store and notice what you feel. You don't have to act on it; just feel it; and you may find you like that feeling and it's not this particular man who makes you feel that way, but rather you make that feeling when you see men who appeal to you. It can be fun to have a crush, so enjoy it and let it pass. There's plenty of other things in life to make you happy.
Christine52 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 When I think about it, I actually know him(we danced together 4 a year and a few months). I just don't think I would call him my best friend because I tell him stuff but only when we are in a group. He knows me pretty well which kind of surprises me sometimes. He tells me stuff about myself which tells me that he observes me a lot. We are not strangers at all. I've seen a few of his flaws. I know he can be childish sometimes. He can also be impatient sometimes but he tries to be patient. I understand though. It's not easy to be patient all the time especially if you're a teacher. I don't overlook his bad qualities. I even look 4 them just to help make myself less attracted to him but I still really like him. I need to let this go. I really need to but I just don't know how. Okay that puts a lot more context in this situation. I agree with the above post - you need to accept your feelings, and be okay with it. Don't condemn yourself for having them. Then, love yourself, buy some new clothes, get a new haircut, feel fantastic, work out, and go out there and meet new and different people!!
Author LoverOfDance Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Accept. Accept your feelings: you have felt attracted to him. Accept your situation: you are not dating him. Accept his ways: his is caring, but he is dating someone else. Accepting doesn't mean you have to like it, but it can help you make better choices for your life. Feelings come and go, like thoughts. Just accept you have them, experience them, and let them go. Then when you feel you've processed those feelings, you will have closure. And if you find yourself holding onto feelings, ask yourself why? Often we do that to avoid moving on, to avoid getting involved with someone else, or being single, because we are scared of getting hurt again, or being lonely. So, really, you don't actually have a special bond to this man: you are just using these feelings, this unrequited love, to avoid change (so the theory goes). Maybe ogle some other men: just check them out discretely on the street or at school or college or the store and notice what you feel. You don't have to act on it; just feel it; and you may find you like that feeling and it's not this particular man who makes you feel that way, but rather you make that feeling when you see men who appeal to you. It can be fun to have a crush, so enjoy it and let it pass. There's plenty of other things in life to make you happy. I know exactly what u mean. I've realized that having a crush on someone is a part of what makes us human. U can crush on anyone as long there's an attraction there(whether it's an attraction to their personality or even a physical attraction). I've actually found myself feeling attracted to a few guys ever since I started trying to get over him. I just didn't let it go anywhere. I just felt it and let it go. I didn't nurture it and let it grow like I did with this guy I'm trying to get over right now. I definitely learnt a lot from this experience. When I started liking him, I didn't know the things I know today. If I had known that crushing on someone is really nothing special and that it doesn't really mean much, I wouldn't have fed those feelings with nice thoughts of him and I wouldn't have taken care of them and nurtured them hoping 4 something to happen between us one day(plus I didn't even know he had a gf when I started liking him). Now I just can't seem to let go. I feel like there's nothing I haven't tried. Have bought new clothes, I have kept myself busy(I'm a dancer so I'm always training) but I just can't seem to truly accept and give up on the entire thing. I feel like I just want it to happen. I feel like I'll never let go until it happens or until something happens - something that makes me give up on him completely. Maybe if he all of a sudden becomes mean to me or something. Really don't know what to do.
betterdeal Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Just accept you have a bit of a softspot for him, and it's a bit like a habit. Read up about emotional detachment and see if that can help you. Fundamentally, you can do well out of this experience: you can learn an important life skill, and learn more about yourself, and that makes (a) your life more enriched and (b) you more likely to be able to maintain strong, beneficial relationships, and end weak or harmful ones more easily. Think of this as an opportunity to grow as a person. 1
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