Having troubles dealing with being cheated on I'm trying to forgive her

[Madelinekovach]

About two months ago a day after I came from visiting my gf.my gf went to the club with her cousins to watch a drag show.we were texting each other when she got their but after that I didn't hear nothing from her for two hours she texted me about 12:30am my time saying she was at her cousins.she was drunk before she went we didn't talk to each other the next day.i woke up to a message on fb she said really need to talk to me.i knew something really happened she told me she had sex with a guy she used date at the club in the bathroom she said was really really drunk she told me she didn't get off she said didn't get anything off it had no feelings for that person.i asked why she did it in the first place.she said baby was really drunk I didn't even know what I was doing.i asked her how many drinks she had she 4 shots and three beers at home.she at the gay club 10 or more drunks I asked who paying she said she was paying for them.i know she doesn't have the money to do pay drinks she also said that the bartender made her drink as well.i broke up with her I told her we just be friend it happened just before are one year together.im still hurt what has happened she say she sorry wish it never happened I never intended to hurt you in anyway but I still get upset when she goes over to her cousins.i don't trust her being over their or trust them.idk what to do I need some advise.

[Robert P]

I'd never forgive a girlfriend who has sex with another guy.

 

She did it once, she can do it again, because, if you forgive her once, she knows you can forgive her twice.

 

Other hint: gay clubs are not "safe" places to allow your girlfriend to go. Women tend to say that there are no temptations there. It's a big fat lie.

 

So that's my advice. Kick her. You'll not stop thinking about it. Your life will be hell.

 

But if you want stay with her: prepare to forgive and prepare to live hell. If you think you can survive it, and if you think that girl deserves it (and I doubt that), maybe you can try.

[PegNosePete]

So what I am hearing, her saying is that it's not her fault. It's the drink's fault. It's the bartender's fault. It's her cousin's fault. It's the guy's fault. It is anyone's fault except hers. Why can't she accept responsibility for her own actions and say yes I did wrong?

 

Why on earth do you want to be friends with an ex who cheated on you? With friends like that, who needs enemies? Cut the cord dude.

[veggirl]

GROSS. She fked a guy in a club bathroom? That is nasty. She isn't even taking responsibility for it. Stay broken up, there is NOTHING here to save.

[Nicomis]

She is a nasty skank, and if you forgive her, she will walk all over you again and again. Male or female, once a cheat, always a cheat. Kick her to the curb!

[GLDheart]

Ask her to go to a club with you. Tell her what she did was so hot and is driving you crazy. Smash it in the Bathroom, then dump her. Let he find her own ride home.

 

..or

 

Just take the highroad and go NC.

[AH1990]

Ask her to go to a club with you. Tell her what she did was so hot and is driving you crazy. Smash it in the Bathroom, then dump her. Let he find her own ride home.

 

..or

 

Just take the highroad and go NC.

 

Awesome!!

 

But seriously, in a club bathroom of all places?! That is sooooo f**ked up beyond all belief. There is no way in hell I would ever even have sex with my gf in a club bathroom.

 

Also, not once did she mention it was her fault. The blame is always shifting away from her.......That is all.

[ascendotum]

GROSS. She fked a guy in a club bathroom? That is nasty. She isn't even taking responsibility for it. Stay broken up, there is NOTHING here to save.

 

Its totally hedonistic primal dirty sex, but at the same time its nasty & skanky. Its an image you don't want of your gf. You'd think there would be a reasonable margin to feel secure with girl & her single friend going to a gay bar, but obviously not.

No way would I buy the 'but I didn't know what I was doing I was drunk' line or the 'I didn't get anything off it' line. I know a lot of sex happens like this, but you don't want to hear that s*** from your gf. I'm actually surprised she confessed to you, I guess you could take a little comfort in that you got the truth, and she probably really does regret it.

I wouldn't bother about trying to maintain a friendship and I don't really understand why you are upset that she still goes to her cousins, she's a free agent now and can drunk **** whoever she wants. Its a sad way to end a relationship but move on from her and start to focus on doing the best thing for your social/love life now.

Edited July 5, 2012 by ascendotum

[AH1990]

...

No way would I buy the 'but I didn't know what I was doing I was drunk' line or the 'I didn't get anything off it' line. I know a lot of sex happens like this, but you don't want to hear that s*** from your gf. I'm actually surprised she confessed to you, I guess you could take a little comfort in that you got the truth, and she probably really does regret it....

 

There is always something left out. ALWAYS!

[drifter777]

You say you're having a hard time forgiving her for what she did, my question is why put up with that kind of mental anguish? You will never trust her again, you will never see her in the same light again since she skanked it up at the club. And I do mean skank. Life's too short - dump her quick and go out and live a little.

 

For the life of me I cannot understand why a young, single person would even think of continuing a relationship with a cheater. It is such a mistake and waste of energy and emotion.

[Chi townD]

If she said she was sorry and it was a mistake, well, that's a mistake she has to live with because you don't have to. There's a line that's drawn in each relationship and you know what your dealbreakers are. Stick to them.

[Joaquin]

Mate it's really bad what she did.

 

Really really bad.

 

The images, gross!!

 

Anyway, to get over it you will need the following.

 

1. You need to love her. If you dont love her, move on as it's all a moot point.

 

2. She needs to lose you. She has to earn you back. Yup. You need to let her go and she needs to fight for you. If she doesn't fight, then whatever. She didn't deserve your love. The break will also help you get your head straight. Cheaters need to lose to learn.

 

3. Total remorse from her. She needs to accept fault and be truly sorry. You need to honestly believe she is sorry. If she is doing things that are making you feel like crap, she is not doing enough to show she is sorry.

 

4. If you get this far, she needs to become an open book. You get to see everything from now on. Texts, email, fb, everything. Total disclosure. She has to earn trust back.

 

If any of these arent there, get rid of her and move on.

 

I couldn't do it but some people do recover. For me the trust would be gone, but the vagaries of the human condition mean you might be able to.

Edited July 5, 2012 by Joaquin

[Chi townD]

Oh, and don't believe that she didn't enjoy it. Chances are she did. There's something taboo about doing something that your not supposed to do. The chances of getting caught, the wrongness of it.....it cause a rush of excitement.

 

So, I wouldn't believe her.

[g450]

There is always something left out. ALWAYS!

 

Exactly!

 

And around here the bathrooms are always full of people. I dare to say that she was full of people, not just one guy.

 

She would be history in my books. And I would be sure to let everyone know what a skank she is.

[seibert253]

I took back a cheating GF once. Even got engaged to her. Guess what happened; yeap,, she cheated again.

Dump her and stay gone.