Nancy B Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 So I posted before about my dragged out break up. I did not want it. My boyfriend came to feel he didn't wanna be in a R. Pulled away, moved out and remained uncertain for weeks. Last weekend he revealed he was 100 per cent sure we weren't what he wanted and he has been fine about the break up. Only after I asked our status did he reveal this. We live abroad and head home for a month soon. In this time we had a trip planned with his friends to a country where a mutual friend lives. (though it was his friend first, but i do have a lot of history with him, also he suffered a recent bereavement and I was really looking forward to seeing him.) So, my ex has uninvited me to the holiday. Told me he wants to go away with them alone, doesn't want me there. This was agonizing as Ive been searching flights for months now. My presence would not hamper it in nay way either. We argued for days but I gave in and said fine. I cant keep a fight going and want an easy life. Today, over FB chat we talk about his new hard drive. I asked would it be cool if during vacay I transfer some stuff off it to my new one. Hes usually very accomodating and this isnt a big request. He was really rude and said No, he doesn't want to waste his time, do it myself, etc etc. His whole tone and argument was really childish and just being an a** fir no reason. We are 25. He insisted this break up was so hard for him to decide and that he still wanted to be good friends. This recent petulance has me alarmed that this inst the case. Does he even want to be friends? Or civil for that matter? Anyone have experience with this?
KatZee Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 90% of the time when the dumper says, "I want to remain friends" it's only to ease the break up blow and to make themselves feel better/ease guilt. My ex said I was his best friend and didn't want to lose me, and wanted me in his life after the breakup. He told me to "call him, text him, email him" any time, and that if I needed to vent or ask for advice, or anything, that I should contact him. Well, I walked out of his house after he said all that and I never heard from him again. After two months NC, I felt I was OK to reach out and see where we stood. He called me back and we caught up for 15 minutes, and I honestly thought he sounded happy/excited to hear from me. He then fell off the earth again for the next two weeks. All of that BS he was saying as we broke up, and he never initiated contact once, never cared to reach out, nothing. He just moved on with life as if I never existed. Two weeks after the phone call he sent me a ridiculous text message. Didn't ask how I was, didn't try to talk to me like a "friend" just tells me, "Just wanted to say you can go sell the jewelry I gave you. I don't want you getting the wrong impression, there is no 'us.'" After virtually two months+ of NC; me not contacting aside from one text; didn't talk to anyone about him; just moved on with my life... and he turned on me like that. He had no intention of being my friend. He just told me what I wanted to hear, wanted to make himself look good in the breakup. It took him two months to finally tell me the truth. What a coward.
Author Nancy B Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Wow, KatZee, I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds really rough. He handled things very immaturely. I think it is so cowardly to lie to your face like that. I fear that may be my problem too. I feel some factors might make my ex BF interest in being friends is that we came here together to a foreign country. Although we made other friends here we are still a link to home. It's difficult cos we came here very much in love and everything has collapsed around me. I was adamant to be strong and be just his friend. However, excluding me from this trip to see our mutual friends has really hurt me. I feel it shows disregard for me as a friend or even someone he cares about. He let me search for flights for months and changed his mind mere weeks before the trip. I think it is lousy. I want to be his friend. But at what cost?
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