jolbell Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) I'm online dating and looking for a relationship with the right guy. I'm willing to date as many guys as necessary for as long as necessary in order to find the RIGHT person. With one of the guys, we've gone out twice within a week and I asked him what he is hoping to find from online dating, he said "Someone fun, sexy and goofy. I learned to not rush things so I'm not in a rush for anything serious but if it happens, that's cool." I know I need to take this at face value but what does that even mean?? I am not in a "rush" for a serious relationship either but "rush" is subjective. I AM looking for a relationship but only if I find someone I really fall for, so in a way, are our answers the same? Or vastly different? He contacts me throughout the day, everyday, so I know he's definitely interested. There is a lot of sexual tension between us but so far we've only had one kiss (and it was awesome!), if that matters. We get along great and I'm always excited to hear from him. No sex until I've established exclusivity with the person I want to be with... learned that lesson!!... but of course I haven't told him this. So, move on or continue dating him to see? Edited July 4, 2012 by jolbell
Pasttense Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Continue dating him to see. You've only gone out twice.
Christine52 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 With men, don't analyze what they say, so much as what they do. If he's taking you out, and showing you a good time, keep seeing him Trut me, men say a lot of things to try to get a certain response/effect, so he may be saying that to either let you know that he's not really looking for anything serious with you, or that he's maybe wanting you to consider something serious with him by acting non chalant about commitment. See what I mean?? Double potential meanings. Look at their actions. That's all that matters at this point. 1
carhill Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 He contacts me throughout the day, everyday, so I know he's definitely interested.Two dates in one week and throughout the day, everyday contact? Tell us about the content of that contact.... Methinks his "I learned to not rush things so I'm not in a rush for anything serious but if it happens, that's cool" and his actions aren't matching up. Canary potential. The content will be helpful in assessing it. I would continue dating other men. Like he said, no rush.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 He could be saying that to make you want him more, that works with women that dont have their perceived options. I think he's saying it too keep his booty call options open. Also, if he keeps saying it, its to keep women unattached just in case he wants to jump around. If you say you want a relationship right away, a lot of women get clingy. Keep your stance about no sex till exclusivity. Watch his words and actions. He will start revealing himself more as to whether he is willing to wait if he really wants exclusivity.
InJest Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 If you really want to know where he stands, then tell him your stance on sex/exclusivity and see if he sticks around.
Author jolbell Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Two dates in one week and throughout the day, everyday contact? Tell us about the content of that contact.... Methinks his "I learned to not rush things so I'm not in a rush for anything serious but if it happens, that's cool" and his actions aren't matching up. Canary potential. The content will be helpful in assessing it. I would continue dating other men. Like he said, no rush. The content is flirty, playful and sarcastic. Lots of joking around. For example, we'll claim our own dog is cuter, call each other old, compare our taste in movies and say who's is better, etc. As for flirting, we'll both joke when we say, for ex, the word "positions" or talk about something physical. We've mentioned things like he's got sexy abs and I have sexy legs. Things of that nature.
january2011 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Perhaps he wants to keep it fun and light. If you're looking for a serious relationship, then it suggests a possible incompatibility. He hasn't ruled out anything serious, but he hasn't said that that is all he is looking for. This could be considered fence-sitting and giving himself an "out" for later if it doesn't work out. I think that you need to go with your gut. If you are looking for something serious, then you need to be open and honest with him. So that he can decide if he's willing to go down that route with you. He may want to spend more time with you before he's willing to make that decision - up to you whether or not you're willing to wait or investigate other possibilities while he makes up his mind.
g450 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Seems to me that now days you almost have to put that on your profile. Otherwise it's: a)I just want to bone or b)I am looking for a wife. And either of those will scare most people away. At least "not in a hurry" indicates that he wants to date but if he meets the right girl it may turn into much more than dating etc. I dont date any more obviously but I always understood thats what those words mean. Exactly what they say and nothing more. As most have already said, dont overananlize. Its up to you to take the chance or not.
Author jolbell Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Seems to me that now days you almost have to put that on your profile. Otherwise it's: a)I just want to bone or b)I am looking for a wife. And either of those will scare most people away. I agree. That's what I thought at first, that its a typical answer for someone trying to play it cool. At the same time, I wanted to check and make sure that his response shouldn't automatically put him in the "player" category. I guess at this point, it does not.
MichiganMan222 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Translation: I'm looking for a relationship, but I don't want to tell you that because I like you and I'm afraid it will scare you away. If he was a player....a BAD player, you would have spotted his douchiness straight up and wouldn't be here asking questions. If he was a GOOD player, he would've set your mind at ease and you wouldn't be here asking questions. Keep dating him and good luck to the both of you.
mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Well you don't really know each other all that well if you have only gotten together twice, right? I went out on an Internet date with a guy recently where he showed his true colors on the second. Essentially he said that he did not believe in marriage or having children because he's just not into it, it's not for him. That's not what I am looking for, essentially I want to eventually get married and have children (and at age 37 the odds are not in my favor, but I'm not giving up hope completely), and I told him this indirectly. After this get together, we never spoke again. And that's fine, life goes on. Keep at this. If either party has not dropped a bomb like that last guy did, then maybe there is potential here.
fishtaco Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I've had women feed me that line before. I didn't think it was a big deal. I just did my thing. If it worked out, it did. If it didn't work out, it didn't. I think you're thinking too much.
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