PainsChains Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Two months in she told me that she loved me. I was honest with her. I told her I cared about her very deeply, but that it would take me longer to open up than that. I had just gotten back on my feet after my first love cheated on me. And I wasn't ready to be fully vulnerable again. I said I wanted to take things slow. She said she understood. She stopped saying I love you. We dated for 1.5 years. The first months were slow. But things progressed and the last 8 months we were practically living together. It was wonderful. I made her my whole world. I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. But I still hadn't told her I love you - not even on Valentine's Day. I didn't realize the magnitude of that decision. Shortly after she tried to break it off with me. I couldn't believe it. I told her then and there I was very much in love with her. AND I VERY MUCH WAS! I told her I wanted to marry her. I just hadn't come out and said those things yet and I thought that was okay. I thought we were on the same page and there wasn't any rush. But she'd already met someone else - a week before she broke up with me. She said that he was very eager to be in love just like she was. And because of that things between them were getting very serious very fast. This was the biggest blow I've ever taken. I loved this girl more than life itself. I'd put all my trust in her and given her 1.5 years of my life and was basically living with her for half that and I truly believed we'd be together forever. It was such a huge step for me to even date anybody, you have no idea. AND I WAS SO GOOD TO HER. To this day I've never raised my voice at her or called her any name except one time I called her callous. (And I didn't even call her that during our relationship - just when she phoned me two months into NC to tell me she was moving in with this newguy...) I came to find out she'd been keeping a blog. It was a blog about me not saying I Love You. She'd had it for a year during our relationship! I found out about it the day she broke up with me. It hurt me so bad I almost hurt myself. It was 40 pages of quotes she identified with, about love and waiting on the person you love to love you back. One quote would've been enough to destroy me... but 40 pages of them! I literally thought I was going to die. I was BEYOND in love with this girl. And suddenly I was beyond despair. I'd honest to God thought that taking things slow was the right thing to do and that not saying I Love You yet was okay. Anyway, I stayed NC for 3 months and never once looked at the blog again. I knew it would only hurt me. But then I broke after the night she broke NC by calling me... So get this - she knows I know about the blog. Yet now she puts quotes on there that she identifies with her current lovelife. Saying things like: How sometimes you have to find the wrong person to find the right person. How you know you've found "The One" when you're both best friends AND lovers. There are quotes about sex, too. How she loves holding his hand during sex. How she loves taking her clothes off with him. How she loves sleeping beside him. Reading all that I seriously thought I was going to hurt myself. Why would she put that up there knowing I can read it? Why use that blog at all?? I took her to look at rings. I sat and cried in front of her when she told me he was everything she was looking for and she was leaving me for him. She knows I was taking pills after she left me just to sleep. She knows I was devastated beyond all recognition of my former self. Yet every few days she puts something on this blog she started about me a year and a half ago. And every time it's about how much of a disappointment I was or how this new guy is so perfect. It's so pointedly about me. And it's so intimate with details about him. I swear to God I was good to this girl. We never fought. We never even had one real argument. At the end I asked her what I ever did to deserve this from her. She said nothing. It's what you didn't do. WHY????? Worst part is that during our relationship she was EXTREMELY good to me - I've never been treated so well by anyone in my life. She was incredible the whole time. But now that it's over I've never been so little cared for by anyone ever. I really think she wants me to die. I'm beginning to think the ones who treat you the best in a relationship are the ones who treat you the worst out. Is this always true? You wouldn't beleive the hell she's put me through in the last 3 months. It still takes all I can just to keep breathing. She's with this guy every second and has done everything she can to show she doesn't give a **** about me. I want so bad not to love this girl anymore.
Exit Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) Unless she is strapping you into an apparatus that holds your eye lids open and forces you to view her blog, you shouldn't so much be mad at her as mad at yourself. Stop looking at the website and stop assuming that everything she puts up there is aimed at you. She may very well do what she does on that blog without it ever crossing her mind that she wants you to see it or react to it. I'm not saying it's right or wrong of her to be doing those things, but I don't view it as an attack on you when it requires you making the choice to look at it. Let your will power win out over her maliciousness and it won't even be an issue. Other than that, I feel you did nothing wrong. Well... maybe you messed up slightly towards the end by only telling her that you were indeed in love with her and thinking about marriage when she was ready to leave you. If you knew those things were important to her and that she was waiting to hear it for the entire length of the relationship, and you started to realize those feelings were actually there, you could have told her sooner. Anyways, back to my real point, it sounds like I'm picking on you a lot, but I don't think you did anything wrong. Love is like getting a tattoo, when you want to put something on your body forever, you don't go to the dirty tattoo parlor because you can get something for $5. You realize it's an important decision, and spending more money or waiting a little longer to get it is well worth it. How this girl thinks it's attractive to be "eager to fall in love" is beyond me. That sounds like desperation more than anything to me. Like it doesn't matter who it is you're actually with, just as long as they are dying to spend their life with you after the 2nd date. This girl totally, utterly lost out with this decision she made. You wanted your love to mean something, and unlike most of the terrible daters out in the world today, you actually took the time to consider someone else's feelings and decided you were not going to use the L word until you knew that you meant it, to avoid hurting her in the long run. You were letting genuine feelings build for her, you were making sure you could see yourself spending a long time together instead of dishonestly planning a future together. And she decided all of this was horrible, and she would rather be with someone "eager" to be in love. She wanted a $5 tattoo from a friend of a friend in their dirty basement instead of having something special from a world renowned artist. But if that's what she's in to, that's her choice. It simply means you two weren't a good match. You want love to mean something regardless of how long it takes, she wants love to happen immediately regardless of if it really means something. Ironically she's so concerned about love, and she had already claimed to love you, but she's the one who started talking to someone else before the relationship was even over. Who's the real bad guy here? I had a somewhat similar experience with a girl a few relationships ago who told me she loved me very early on and I told her I didn't want to be saying that yet and it struck me kind of strange. Few months later she's the one dumping me and cursing my name and telling me to never contact her again. Wait... I thought you loved me? These people don't know what love really is. You were taking your time to form an emotional bond with her, and little does she know how much stronger a bond becomes when you take your time and let it happen naturally and that you probably would have spent your life with her. She traded it in for the bargain brand. Someone needs to point her in the direction of the old quote "something that takes off like a rocket usually comes back down just as quickly". Speed should not be one of the criteria you are looking for in a relationship. Attraction happens immediately. Infatuation happens immediately. Love does not. I'm sure it stings a little bit to think back and realize she treated you well and that you're going to miss her, but rather than focusing on the good things about her, just keep reminding yourself of the way she prefers to cheapen the entire concept of love. She wants to be with someone who would love her quickly rather than genuinely. Something is screwy with her head, people are only desperate, err, sorry, "eager", when they are trying to compensate for some other void in their life. If she was so "in love" with you she would have stayed and worked things out. The irony gets me every time that these people who think they are experts on love actually don't have the slightest idea. When you love someone you don't give up on them and leave them behind. You'll probably feel down about this for a while but hopefully sooner rather than later you'll start to realize how goofy this whole thing was and realize that you deserve better. I'll emphasize again that you did absolutely nothing wrong by making sure you didn't say certain things until you were ready to. That's actually a really honorable thing to do. Let her be with someone who is equally eager, and you can find someone who has more in common with your beliefs. Edited July 4, 2012 by Exit 1
Million.to.1 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I'm sorry, but I have to be honest here. I have to disagree with Exit on this one. A year and a half? You loved her, but couldn't say it? If she really was your world and you wanted to spend your life with her, you should of told her that. I have bailed from a relationship 6 months in after I am in love and i don't feel it's reciprocated. She held back expressing the love she felt for you for a year and a half! That's torture! All the things she is posting on her blog about connection with her new boyfriend are what you could of had with her. Don't read the blog anymore. Try and stay NC. I'm sorry, but if you love someone, you should tell them. ESPECIALLY if you know they love you too. Otherwise you are just suffocating their love for you slowly. Learn from this. You lost someone you loved, but she didn't know till it was too late. You can hardly blame her... Everyone wants to know they are loved by those they love.
Million.to.1 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I should add that this new relationship she is having is probably a rebound. She was just starving for the connection she never got from you. She was desperate, and he was willing. she will be back I think.
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