ON MY OWN Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I have a friend who has issues with her boyfriend. Issues of thoughts of wrongdoing in the relationship on his end. She never has a solid week of happiness or any really, mostly temporary pacification on her end. She refuses to give him up "in case she is wrong" and chooses to stay in a relationship of mistrust. He has a job that takes him away alot of the time also. She is very dependant on him. I have tried to tell her to get a job and start to feel more independant whether she stays with him or not. She says "What are you trying to say?" I tell her "What I am saying". She is not defensive in a bad way towards me, but really unaccepting of anything to do with possibly without this guy. He does not treat her well at all. Talks to exes and everything. She may be bringing it on herself. Possibly, atleast some of it, not cheating if there is any, but his non commital to the relationship. I just show her some compassion but tell her it is up to you, only you know in your heart and if you look deep enough, the answers are there. She has to have exact proof. She always says "because I love him", I had to leave a long relationship regardless, so that is a weak reason she falls back on. If she lightened up, like not leave you are mine forever and you are my life forever- different things with that undertone to it....almost begins to sound smothering, needy and even stalkerish. Can I tell her to lighten up the tone? What is your opinion? She also says she does not want to get hurt again....I told her thats what dating is...trying to find out who your compatible with. She listens but really not open to leaving this guy-too dependant and needy. Any thoughts? Thanks!
SpiralOut Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Unfortunately there's not much you can do but sit back and watch. You may want to limit the amount of time you spend listening to her complain about this guy, since she doesn't want to do anything about it right now. It sounds like she won't leave the relationship unless he breaks up with her.
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