Five Months NC.....and I'm still not over him? WTH?

[ringoffire]

I haven't been on this site in two years. The guy that I was seeing at the time of my last post and I DID begin a relationship which was off and on for a little over a year. He ended things last September. I didn't accept it and kept trying to get him to take me back. In early February, he told me that he wanted nothing to do with me.....it's been NC ever since.

 

I miss him. I miss what we had when we were together. I've tried to move on, the tension drove me to the mental hospital at the end of May, because I was just still so distraught.

 

It's been five months NC, and I'm still thinking about the Ex. All the time. I try to distract myself, and out of nowhere.....I'm back to thinking of him again.

 

Tell me that this will eventually end. I am moving to another city and going to attend University, so maybe that will help. However, I am wondering if my feelings are at all normal. How long did it take you to get over the Ex?

 

Thanks

[StarlaStardust]

It does take time. If after a year, you're still like this, then you can start to worry. For now, make room for your sadness, your anger, your denial... all of it. If it starts to be overwhelming, do something distracting (something healthy, of course) for a bit, but don't avoid the pain. Just push it away briefly. Then go back to acknowledging and accepting all the pain as needed. Rinse, lather, and repeat. It's the only way to authentically heal. Don't be hard on yourself:) Sounds like you have a good plan for moving on with your life, and you're stronger than you realize!

[BlazePT]

Hey there, hun... I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Thing is, are you sure that you're keeping yourself well distracted? I'm not just talking about going to bars or clubs, etc with friends (that helps as well, don't get me wrong ), I'm talking about maybe a MAJOR change in your life. Something that really gives you determination to fight for...

 

Like a new project or learning something new, taking classes somewhere, etc...

I'm not saying that it is easy, but you have to start with the things that you loved to do when you were not dating this guy. Please, try to remember that you HAD a life before dating him.

 

Please, like Starla said, you have to let it all out. Give yourself a good cry whenever you need to. If you let it all out, you're detoxing yourself without even knowing! It's like you're materializing all of your emotions. Trust me.

 

And the more meaningful to you the relationship was, the more time it will get for you to detox completely. Don't rush things. Don't pressure yourself to "AHhhh I HAVE to get over him!!!!" No, don't do it. Just flow with it. Accept this as normal and try not to compare yourself to other people who have gotten over someone faster.

 

*HUGS* Hang in there. We're here for you as well. Please, vent here whenever you need to!

 

Cheers!

[hinatticus]

My first love took 3 years to fully heal. After the first year I was much better though. I was young and immature back then so it did take awhile. Now I'm older and still immature, kidding, I'm slightly more mature so it seems I'm doing better things with my time. Instead of getting sh*tfaced, I read a book. Instead of whining about why she left me, I am taking a hard look at what I've done wrong.

 

These feelings you have are very normal. Too normal. I'm 4 months post break up and I have to see my ex. It's complete torture sometimes. I don't know how I make it through the day sometimes.

 

You will feel better, you can't honestly think you'll feel like this forever do you?

 

I hope you feel better, I hope I feel better, I hope everyone feels better!

 

Good luck.

[MoroccanSun]

I believe it takes as long as the relationship lasted to get over the relationship- initially. Allow your self that time to recover. It's totally normal to be feeling this way, especially if you put a lot of yourself into the relationship. I broke up with my first love 2 years ago and he never spoke to me again. He resented me for things that I did. But I look back now and understand the reasons why we aren't together today. I loved him very much but after awhile I stopped being sad about us and started to be happy about what we had. That is when I started to let go. But honestly everyone heals in their own way and in their own time. I recently broke up with a on and off bf 2 weeks ago and as much I didn't think it was love I still am hurt and miss him terribly. We are designed to love many people in our lives. It sucks that we have to live through each event of finding and losing special people but we learn from these experiences- just have faith hun and you'll pull through. Hold on ok, keep looking forward until your strong enough to look back!