britz_crakerz Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I have known this guy for a few years. We were set up by a mutual friend. We had a strong connection right off the bat. We began to talk more and more. The conversations got deeper and so did our feelings for one another. He moved to another state, but we still talked all the time. He eventually came back to visit and we picked up right where we left off. A month after his visit I moved from Nevada to Oklahoma (he lives in Colorado). I was going to stop for a night or two in Colorado on my way to Oklahoma, but unfortunately a snow story threw my plans off.. we never got to see each other on my way to Oklahoma. We lost touch for a month or so. We got right back on track though. We constantly talk and text. I miss him a lot and he says he misses me. I have very strong feelings for him, they are unlike any feelings I have felt for another person before. A few weeks ago he mentoned that he was considering moving here. So we both did some research and found out that Oklahoma would be a good move for him. He plans to come visit in August to decide if Oklahoma is a good fit for him. He then began to talk about getting into a serious relationship, moving in and what not. He has also started talking about the future, "our" future. I'm starting to get excited, but nervous at the same time because this is a HUGE step. Recently he has started going back and fourth on the topic though. Some days he says things like, "I can't wait to move in with you" "I really, really like you and am happy that we have gotten this far", but some days the conversation is quite different, "I don't want either of us to get our hopes up until August because face it, we never know if it'll be a good fit for me or not" or "maybe I should just be a free soul and travel the world a bit". It's confusing me more and more. It's also making me put a guard up. I can't read minds and it's killing me not knowing what EXACTLY he wants. I've tried talking to him about it and asking him what EXACTLY he wants, but I never feel like I get a real honest answer because he says things like "nobody knows the future", "I plan to be with you for awhile, but plans don't always work out", sometimes I get cute little things like, "don't you worry, I wouldn't rather be anywhere else, but with you." I really don't know what to think at this point. I don't want to put my heart into something that is just a maybe. I want reassurance. I can understand if he thinks things are getting serious and going fast, but it was HIS idea. I've even told him many times that we'll take things slow when he gets here, we won't rush us moving in together or anything else, but he still acts and talks the same. I have been talking to him for more than 2 years, and he's never been like this. Any ideas as to why things are changing now? Advice would be wonderful becuase I feel like my heads going to explode. Thank you!
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Sounds like he realizes he got in a little deep and wants to leave enough room to back out without having to feel like a bad guy. This is a really big step and it's normal to be a bit hesitant. 1
Emilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Any reassurance would be a false one because he is right, you can't predict the future and this is a big step. I think the two of you should talk about other things in the meantime, not crank up the pressure so much. See how it goes in August
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 This is more of a typical situation than you may realize, what I mean by that is you've been building this relationship based on distance...what that means is everyone is showing the side that they want to at all times, that real life stuff and who that person is otherwise is something unknown to the both of you...you basically get to mesh this fantasy into whatever you want it to be, he has the choice to come and out when he wants, and you get to feel like things are going at a steady pace...this is a situation that is easy for men to get swallowed in gaining an unrealistic picture of how things would be in real life...not to mention sexual desire is a big influence. When push comes to shove for men, that's when you really find out their emotions and intent...because all those little sweet nothings any man can say and any time at some point have to be put into play..and guess what? the reality starts to hit a man and he starts to think of what exactly he is getting himself into...the vast majority of men don't want to buy the car without thoroughly test driving it...so he's becoming apprehensive and cold feet because now he's going to have to put his money where his mouth is so to speak. Does he like you? I'm sure he does to an extent but I don't think he's completely sure of that or even decided when it comes down to it where you really stand in the big picture/long-term of his life...that's why he's leaving the car running in this situation so that just in case things don't go the way he wants them to he can get in and bail on it. He doesn't want to be trapped or put himself in a situation without options. You can pretty much determine from this alone that this man has limited emotional investment with you at this point...and that's what you're picking up with your woman radar, women can sense a mans investment, genuineness, sincerity...and when he starts to back off that means you hit a wall...a man who mixes his gestures and attitude is an unsure man...one minute he's in the zone thinking of how great it might be and on the next moment he's thinking what If I don't really want to be with this girl. You can play the broken record in your head that he initiated this talk or conversation until you're blue in the face...so what...men say things they aren't 100 percent confident or sincere about all the time, you think you can take that to the bank and cash it when you don't even have the check in your hands yet? Don't try and convince yourself with irrelevant details, you are past that point...you are in the now. You need to back off and protect yourself, go in this situation with limited investment. Stop talking about this situation and becoming invested with it, just sit back and see what he does...what he says anymore is no longer important in terms of what he is going to do until he actually does it...you've been talking for 2 years now, get your head out of the cloud a bit and see what's in front of you...don't just follow every word like a puppy, be smart, use your head, trust your instincts and your gut...nothing has happened yet and you are not together...do you realize that? nothing at this point means anything and nothing has happened, this could all be a fantasy, how much weight do you think your emotions hold If he never comes or he comes and he's a completely different guy than you thought he was? will you just stay with him like most women because of how he was or how you remember him when he seemed so sweet and nice while he was far far away and could that at his convenience? Don't believe the "nobody know the future" statement...It's a load of crap because that goes without saying! He's saying that as that a buffer to leave himself an out, that's all it is.
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