matt1513 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 we dated six months, and she unexpectedly just said, i want to be friends, i got upset about this and begged for a week then went no contact for a month, when i came back we kissed and hooked up at parties and sober, then she thinks i cant change and she gave me too many chances? we hungout thursday with her brother and apparently from that she saw i couldnt change ( be less clingy, listen, be more mature) then i found out she went out with some guy the friday night and she has "moved on" and she says she really likes him, i of course was stupid and begged all weekend for her to give me another chance, she kept saying no so im giving her space right now to show her i can listen to her.. i just dont get how she fakes being happy to everyone else, she has a really bad home life and only tells me this, her best friends dont even know the real her only i do.. so im asking have i pushed her too far away, or is there still a chance on getting her back as more than a friend and on a dating level..
Samilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 we dated six months, and she unexpectedly just said, i want to be friends, i got upset about this and begged for a week then went no contact for a month, when i came back we kissed and hooked up at parties and sober, then she thinks i cant change and she gave me too many chances? we hungout thursday with her brother and apparently from that she saw i couldnt change ( be less clingy, listen, be more mature) then i found out she went out with some guy the friday night and she has "moved on" and she says she really likes him, i of course was stupid and begged all weekend for her to give me another chance, she kept saying no so im giving her space right now to show her i can listen to her.. i just dont get how she fakes being happy to everyone else, she has a really bad home life and only tells me this, her best friends dont even know the real her only i do.. so im asking have i pushed her too far away, or is there still a chance on getting her back as more than a friend and on a dating level.. Chances are really slim my friend. Best thing you can do is go nc, work on yourself (do you think you need to grow up? She could be right), maybe the two of you will reconnect one day, for now though, it's highly unlikely. I'm always amazed how people think they know their better half so well, only to get dumped and see the dumper walking away holding hands with their new date.
Pod81 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 A couple questions - how old is this girl and what's her dating history like? My instinct tells me she's probably younger than 25 and has a history of serial dating. Anyway, is this someone that you truly want to be with or even TRUST? Someone that can have a change of heart at the drop of a hat? And even if you were able to get her back (which is a very slim chance), what makes you think she won't do the same thing again? 2
BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 The best thing you can do right now is protect yourself. I'm talking about NC. The more you know about her, the more hurt you'll get. Treat this as a wound that has to start to heal. Would you stick a knife on an open wound? I didn't think so... But that's what will keep happening if you keep trying to get her back and trying to know what she's up to. Take the fact that she's seeing someone else as a final closure for you to move on. Pretend that she just disappeared from the world and disappear from her world as well. If she says that you need to grow up, think to yourself whether she's right or not. If she is, take this as a chance to in fact grow up, but not to prove anything to her. Do it for YOU. NC. NOW!!
spives Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Let go. I think the hardest part for a guy is the horrible thoughts of her being intimate with someone else, especially while you are home alone thinking of her. You text, she ignores it, you text again and again and again. What's that say to her? You value her more than you value your own dignity. Her importance in your life is inflated beyond belief. Women want to see strength, confidence and self sufficiency in their man. Begging and other related behaviors will utterly destroy any silhouette of those qualities in her view of you. If she is still attracted to you, she will most likely not be pursuing an intimate relationship with another guy. You need to go NC. Not because NC is some quick remedy to bring her back to you, because it isn't. You need to go NC so that you can show yourself that you have some strength and that you don't depend on this girl for your happiness. She doesn't validate your existence. Remember that.
BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Let go. I think the hardest part for a guy is the horrible thoughts of her being intimate with someone else Oh, yeah it is! Thinking about this will only stop affecting you with time and pretending she ceased to exist. This last one will make things much easier. However, one can only achieve this when applying strict NC.
Author matt1513 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 were both 17 but have liked eachother for a few years as friends, but the thing is, is that her best friends dont know about how her dad abused her, how her parents fight every night, how shes almost killed herself a couple times and she only tells me.. everytime we hangout she flirts with me, and i agree that i acted really immaturely throughout the breakup but her reason for not trying again is because she said "you cant change you say you will but you dont" so i told her i would give her space and show her i'll change, and she says i want to move on, i dont want to be hungup on one guy who cant change, and this guy is the complete opposite of what she goes for, im mature at times, funny, outgoing, loud, nice, and this guy is just nice, quiet and weird, she even told me that she thinks he's weird.. so i dont get how i can get her back, people say true love never does go away, and i know were only 17 but we were in love,
barese1 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 dude, shes already jumping on someone else. NC and forget her
Author matt1513 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 she told me last time we talked, im not giving you another chance, you just cant change i want to move on... so what happens if next time i talk to her i show her that i have changed do you think she'd try again
Samilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 she told me last time we talked, im not giving you another chance, you just cant change i want to move on... so what happens if next time i talk to her i show her that i have changed do you think she'd try again Why would you want to be someone else but yourself?.. Being immature if you're young will pass. She might be right but that's still her problem, not yours. Unless you just can't seem to grow up, that's a different story. I mean if you tell me "I"m an alcoholic" I will take you by the hand to the AA.. but if you find yourself enjoying your youth, why change?
Author matt1513 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Why would you want to be someone else but yourself?.. Being immature if you're young will pass. She might be right but that's still her problem, not yours. Unless you just can't seem to grow up, that's a different story. I mean if you tell me "I"m an alcoholic" I will take you by the hand to the AA.. but if you find yourself enjoying your youth, why change? i text her too much is what she means, and i begged for her back and stuff.. she said she didnt want to date during the summer, and we might after, do you think she's using this guy to get me to stop trying for the summer? shes only hungout with him once and have been texting for 2 weeksish and she says she really likes him, but i dont see how thats possible... so is there a way to get her back...
Author matt1513 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 and i was different when we started dating i didnt text her as much and stuff
blotter Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 She has made it quite clear multiple times that she is over you, moved on and dating someone else. For christ sakes man your 17, your school must be filled with lots of other ass. Put this behind you, go NC, move on, and meet other people.
Samilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 i text her too much is what she means, and i begged for her back and stuff.. she said she didnt want to date during the summer, and we might after, do you think she's using this guy to get me to stop trying for the summer? shes only hungout with him once and have been texting for 2 weeksish and she says she really likes him, but i dont see how thats possible... so is there a way to get her back... You know try and enjoy summer with your friends, respect the break up. I know it sucks but understand that the more you try , the more she pulls away.
Author matt1513 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 You know try and enjoy summer with your friends, respect the break up. I know it sucks but understand that the more you try , the more she pulls away. if she truly did love me, is it possible i pushed her too far away to even date again?
spives Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 she told me last time we talked, im not giving you another chance, you just cant change i want to move on... so what happens if next time i talk to her i show her that i have changed do you think she'd try again What preceded her telling you this? And what did you respond with? If you begged and pleaded with her to explain what went wrong and give you another chance, this is likely her way rationalizing her choice. You beg, your value drops in her eyes, and it's easier for her to justify her decision in her own mind. If you want a chance at getting back with this girl, I think you need to stop talking to her. Don't try to show her anything. If you've changed in positive ways, keep that trend going. Work on yourself where you know you want to improve, make new friends, stay active. If she's interested at all she will notice and wonder why this break up isn't bothering you anymore. If she's genuinely not interested, no amount of showing her how you've changed is going to sway her. If she's going to come back, it's going to be because she sees that you are strong and confident despite her best attempt to break you. Sometimes girls just need to conduct these little tests to see how their guy holds up.
Chi townD Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 okay, here's the slap to the back of the head. DUDE!!!! SHE'S DONE WITH YOU!! SHE WANTS TO BE WITH THIS OTHER GUY!! SHE WANTS YOU TO LEAVE HER ALONE!!!! She says that she thinks you aren't mature? Then do the mature thing and walk away with your dignitiy and your head held high! Don't contact her again! There are several billion people in this world and you are soooo hung up on this one girl....
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