BetrayedH Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Im sure they will have new sets of problems and she has not seen the worst of him yet. I do know that years ago he proposed to someone and she told him no because she was with someone else. His family told me it took him years to get past this so I was thinking maybe he was a commitment phobe or something but seems he snapped out of it if hes engaged now. It seems as if he did me the same way the girl in his past did him!! I think you are starting to see that this is clearly about him, and not about you.
Lostnlonee Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Sweetsbi was w my HS BF for 9 yrs, engaged. To b married 3 moths b4 he cheated on me w a girl I took under my wing like I'll sis. I was heartbroken & thought I would die when he MARRIED hervthevday after we were to be married! I felt like I would truly die, I lost my life, my BF who I also considered my best friend. He was divorced a yr later & 8 yrs later he contacted me to say sorry & his life was total ****after he left me , which I already knew due to our mutual friends. I was so lucky he cheated on me, cuz if not I would have put up with his crap &! Carried him through life cuzvhe had no drive. Today he is a bus boy at a restaurant! Jut imagine yourself married to that if u ever have a weak moment & want to go back w him. U r better than he can EVER give u 1
Author Sweett Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I think you are starting to see that this is clearly about him, and not about you. Its weird because I know this isn't the relationship I deserve and I know I wasn't treated fairly but I just feel so defeated and down all the time. How long does it take to get past this???
Author Sweett Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Sweetsbi was w my HS BF for 9 yrs, engaged. To b married 3 moths b4 he cheated on me w a girl I took under my wing like I'll sis. I was heartbroken & thought I would die when he MARRIED hervthevday after we were to be married! I felt like I would truly die, I lost my life, my BF who I also considered my best friend. He was divorced a yr later & 8 yrs later he contacted me to say sorry & his life was total ****after he left me , which I already knew due to our mutual friends. I was so lucky he cheated on me, cuz if not I would have put up with his crap &! Carried him through life cuzvhe had no drive. Today he is a bus boy at a restaurant! Jut imagine yourself married to that if u ever have a weak moment & want to go back w him. U r better than he can EVER give u Wow, sorry this happened to u, and looks like after all u were better off. I truly hope I can get to that point and find peace. I keep thinking he's better off and that GOd has forgotten about me in some way. This has me so down all the time.
96nole Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Wow, sorry this happened to u, and looks like after all u were better off. I truly hope I can get to that point and find peace. I keep thinking he's better off and that GOd has forgotten about me in some way. This has me so down all the time. Or, God made sure that someone like your ex is out of your life so you can go on to bigger and better things. If you were still with your lying and cheating boyfriend, you may miss the one God wants you to be with. 6
frozensprouts Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Wow, sorry this happened to u, and looks like after all u were better off. I truly hope I can get to that point and find peace. I keep thinking he's better off and that GOd has forgotten about me in some way. This has me so down all the time. i know it's hard to believe now, but in the not to distant future you'll find that you are feeling so much better...you'll find yourself smiling and happy again, and you'll be able to take what you have learned from this and go on to have a very happy life... 1
BetrayedH Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Its weird because I know this isn't the relationship I deserve and I know I wasn't treated fairly but I just feel so defeated and down all the time. How long does it take to get past this??? I have a feeling that the first time a cute guy catches your eye and he looks back with interest, your mind will forget all about the loser that's giving you so much grief today. Seriously, you got off easy. Many people get comfortable with someone, stay with them thru marriage and discover this nonsense years later and with kids involved. With no marriage and no kids, chalk it up to an "oops" that you didn't have to pay for indefinitely. You control your own mind and your own thoughts. Don't let the depression take hold of you any longer. Focus on actions to make your life better. 5
Author Sweett Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I have a feeling that the first time a cute guy catches your eye and he looks back with interest, your mind will forget all about the loser that's giving you so much grief today. Seriously, you got off easy. Many people get comfortable with someone, stay with them thru marriage and discover this nonsense years later and with kids involved. With no marriage and no kids, chalk it up to an "oops" that you didn't have to pay for indefinitely. You control your own mind and your own thoughts. Don't let the depression take hold of you any longer. Focus on actions to make your life better. Thanks! That's so true. Seems like your mind gets there way before your heart does.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Takes about 6 months for your limbuc system (brain system) to recover from a hit like this, if left unencumbered. In the case of married with kids folk, much longer, very hard on the brain. It's grief. There will be more grief in your life, not all of it will be ready to understand or process.
GLDheart Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) ...I wasn't treated fairly but I just feel so defeated and down all the time. How long does it take to get past this??? No. You most definately WERE NOT treated fairly. And the kicker of it is that it was by the person you MOST TRUSTED... so it hurts the worst. For me, I woke up one morning (day 80) and felt like someone had shut a light switch off. The nauseating pain and ache was "off". It was weird... really weird. I still thought of my ex ALOT. But the maddening ache was just suddenly gone. Everyday now, I have more fun doing the stupidest little (or biggest most amazing) things. I have begun (three months and three days as I write this) to really just enjoy my day. Most days I don't have enough time to do everything and see everyone possible. For the first time in a decade, I am getting a HUGE ego boost out of turning the heads of women... getting that little extra bit of unsolicited flirty banter at a cash register, and causing young watresses to mess up thier "daily specials" pitch with nothing but my presence. I never wanted this, but it's kind of fun! Keep your head up. Enjoy this "break" from the relationship world and enjoy a bit of "you" time. In fact, I just stopped to grab a quick bite to eat, check in here, and then I'm headed out to meet up with a couple of guys then hit the road on my motorcycle. Edited July 5, 2012 by GLDheart 1
Author Sweett Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Or, God made sure that someone like your ex is out of your life so you can go on to bigger and better things. If you were still with your lying and cheating boyfriend, you may miss the one God wants you to be with. You are right and that is truly how I need to look at things in a more positive light but instead this whole mess has me constantly asking myself what is wrong with me!?
Author Sweett Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 No. You most definately WERE NOT treated fairly. And the kicker of it is that it was by the person you MOST TRUSTED... so it hurts the worst. For me, I woke up one morning (day 80) and felt like someone had shut a light switch off. The nauseating pain and ache was "off". It was weird... really weird. I still thought of my ex ALOT. But the maddening ache was just suddenly gone. Everyday now, I have more fun doing the stupidest little (or biggest most amazing) things. I have begun (three months and three days as I write this) to really just enjoy my day. Most days I don't have enough time to do everything and see everyone possible. For the first time in a decade, I am getting a HUGE ego boost out of turning the heads of women... getting that little extra bit of unsolicited flirty banter at a cash register, and causing young watresses to mess up thier "daily specials" pitch with nothing but my presence. I never wanted this, but it's kind of fun! Keep your head up. Enjoy this "break" from the relationship world and enjoy a bit of "you" time. In fact, I just stopped to grab a quick bite to eat, check in here, and then I'm headed out to meet up with a couple of guys then hit the road on my motorcycle. Thanks for the optimism! I really dont have a problem attracting people when I go out and you are right it does give you a boost. I just want and pray for that internal piece. I had gotten myself motivated very well but when I found out about this engagement crap I seemed to have lost it!
Author Sweett Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Takes about 6 months for your limbuc system (brain system) to recover from a hit like this, if left unencumbered. In the case of married with kids folk, much longer, very hard on the brain. It's grief. There will be more grief in your life, not all of it will be ready to understand or process. We've been broken up a year!!! Someone told me it takes as long as you were in the relationship...so I guess that means I have another6 months to a year. I sure as hell hope not!
GLDheart Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 We've been broken up a year!!! Yeah? And you heard some news that kicked you where it still hurts a bit.... a tender spot, if you will. Having genuine feelings is normal and healthy. I'll bet you "get back to normal" faster then ever this time though. Besides, your ex has bad breath, smelly feet, and he's goofy! (I don't know if any of that is really true but saying it might help!). 1
Author Sweett Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Yeah? And you heard some news that kicked you where it still hurts a bit.... a tender spot, if you will. Having genuine feelings is normal and healthy. I'll bet you "get back to normal" faster then ever this time though. Besides, your ex has bad breath, smelly feet, and he's goofy! (I don't know if any of that is really true but saying it might help!). Well he did snore like hell (possibly sleep apnea) and he had some other nasty habits!
Author Sweett Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Farts and his wiener is tiny. All of the above! Lol! Truly never heard someone snore like that! I wonder if its life threatening. It really used to scare me but not my problem let his fiance deal with it!!!
96nole Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Farts and his wiener is tiny. Oh sorry, I thought you were talking about my ex wife. 1
sally4sara Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Why does the other woman always win and ride off into the sunset with men that are taken!??? Win? That's like telling someone who caught herpes from a one night stand "well at least you got something that lasts out of the deal". 1
Author Sweett Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Win? That's like telling someone who caught herpes from a one night stand "well at least you got something that lasts out of the deal". Lol! Very good laugh! I appreciate that I needed it!!!! I should've started posting here sooner, starting to feel a little better.
nofool4u Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) Why does the other woman always win and ride off into the sunset with men that are taken!??? The other woman won Because they aren't winning. They are getting a cheating ass dog. The woman that has won is the woman that no longer has to put up with the jerk. Edited July 6, 2012 by nofool4u 1
Author Sweett Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Because they aren't winning. They are getting a cheating ass dog. The woman that has won is the woman that no longer has to put up with the jerk. Thank You! Reading these responses really helps i just have to get rid of my negative thoughts that something is wrong with me and that I caused this. I will get there slowly!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Why does the other woman always win ??? That's like asking: "Why does the offense always score (instead of the defense scoring)???" It doesn't always happen that way, yet the numbers are considerable, and of course it's because The Other Woman is playing offense and (you, by chance??) are playing defense. Now everyone repeat after me: "The best defense is..."
Author Sweett Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 OP the other woman didn't win YOU DID. She rides off to the sunset with a scumbag who is a cheater and a liar. Be lucky you are away from him so you can start afresh enjoy life and be HAPPY. Remember this. Thank You! When he finally shows his true colors she will slowly see what I went through with him. I really think she's dense!!! But I have to start focusing on me and staying positive.
Author Sweett Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 That's like asking: "Why does the offense always score (instead of the defense scoring)???" It doesn't always happen that way, yet the numbers are considerable, and of course it's because The Other Woman is playing offense and (you, by chance??) are playing defense. Now everyone repeat after me: "The best defense is..." I don't get it but if your quote is not supportive then I dont want to know. I'm trying to get out of the slump and not continue to blame myself!!!
dreamingoftigers Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Farts and his wiener is tiny. Everyone knows that you can't make a good dish of Mac & cheese with tiny wieners! 1
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