Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Why does the other woman always win and ride off into the sunset with men that are taken!???
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Why does the other woman always win and ride off into the sunset with men that are taken!??? Was he your boyfriend or your husband? Do you have kids with him? If no kids, then be glad she took him off your hands. She now inherits a man who is a cheater, unfaithful and can't stay committed. Chances are high once that honeymoon phase, and grass is greener syndrome hits him he'll regret his decision. Just hope you don't take him back. he isn't worth fighting for because he's shown you NO remorse and seems like he's not willing to end his A and fix things with you. Not too many OW end up riding off into the sunset with their MM's. Sure it happens, but not that often. 3
MissBee Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Why does the other woman always win and ride off into the sunset with men that are taken!??? Huh?! I don't know about this...especially if you're looking on LS it would seem that most OW did not ride off into the sunset with taken men...so not sure on what exactly you're basing the idea that the "OW always wins" on. Further, there is no winning in the first place. One cannot win a man and certainly one shouldn't be trying to. You want a man who chooses you fully and whom you also choose fully. If a man goes off to be with the OW chances are you are much better off and want someone who will choose you. 3
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Was he your boyfriend or your husband? Do you have kids with him? If no kids, then be glad she took him off your hands. She now inherits a man who is a cheater, unfaithful and can't stay committed. Chances are high once that honeymoon phase, and grass is greener syndrome hits him he'll regret his decision. Just hope you don't take him back. he isn't worth fighting for because he's shown you NO remorse and seems like he's not willing to end his A and fix things with you. Not too many OW end up riding off into the sunset with their MM's. Sure it happens, but not that often. He was my boyfriend for almost 2 years but I knew him since high school. We didn't have any kids. He started an emotional affair with her while we were together and I caught her at his house in his bed. He said she knew about me, so a day later I sent her a Facebook message and told her to have some respect and leave him Alone. I stayed with him.Can u believe 3 weeks later he called me at work and asked me why I sent her that then broke up with me! Now they are engaged!!!!
CarrieT Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 He was my boyfriend for almost 2 years but I knew him since high school. We didn't have any kids. He started an emotional affair with her while we were together and I caught her at his house in his bed. He said she knew about me, so a day later I sent her a Facebook message and told her to have some respect and leave him Alone. I stayed with him.Can u believe 3 weeks later he called me at work and asked me why I sent her that then broke up with me! Now they are engaged!!!! After finding her in his bed, why would you want to keep him? Sounds like you are better off without... 4
MissBee Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 He was my boyfriend for almost 2 years but I knew him since high school. We didn't have any kids. He started an emotional affair with her while we were together and I caught her at his house in his bed. He said she knew about me, so a day later I sent her a Facebook message and told her to have some respect and leave him Alone. I stayed with him.Can u believe 3 weeks later he called me at work and asked me why I sent her that then broke up with me! Now they are engaged!!!! I'm sorry about what happened and I can imagine how it feels.However, you are better off without this dude. If you found them in bed together frankly, you shouldn't have sent her a message. She KNOWS he is with you and most importantly HE KNEW he was cheating and he was caught RED-HANDED! I could never forgive a man I caught in the act and clearly he shouldn't have been forgiven, as his interest is absolutely not in you or preserving your relationship. That was on HIM completely! He did not respect you at all and that has absolutely nothing to do with her and women need to stop blaming the other woman or confronting her to leave their man alone when their man is the one who is not leaving her alone. Anyway hon, you will get over this and I suggest you focus on yourself and be thankful you don't have this sleaze as your own. It is hurtful no doubt, you were betrayed and now feel rejected and like he has a "great life" but all isn't as it seems and you will be A-ok. 7
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 I'm sorry about what happened and I can imagine how it feels.However, you are better off without this dude. If you found them in bed together frankly, you shouldn't have sent her a message. She KNOWS he is with you and most importantly HE KNEW he was cheating and he was caught RED-HANDED! I could never forgive a man I caught in the act and clearly he shouldn't have been forgiven, as his interest is absolutely not in you or preserving your relationship. That was on HIM completely! He did not respect you at all and that has absolutely nothing to do with her and women need to stop blaming the other woman or confronting her to leave their man alone when their man is the one who is not leaving her alone. Anyway hon, you will get over this and I suggest you focus on yourself and be thankful you don't have this sleaze as your own. It is hurtful no doubt, you were betrayed and now feel rejected and like he has a "great life" but all isn't as it seems and you will be A-ok. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt although it may have been dumb of me but When I caught her she was fully dressed and just laying across his bed watching tv. I asked him why she was in his bedroom and he said that's where she felt comfortable, and he swore up and down he didn't sleep with her
MissBee Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt although it may have been dumb of me but When I caught her she was fully dressed and just laying across his bed watching tv. I asked him why she was in his bedroom and he said that's where she felt comfortable, and he swore up and down he didn't sleep with her Ok I thought they were actually in the act. Nonetheless, it was inappropriate and now it has come full circle and you realize he was lying, they've been involved and you again deserve better than that and haven't lost out at allll! The OW may not be so happy with him herself later on..but even if they do live a happy life, so what? There is plenty happiness to go around and he was NOT the one for you, so be glad it's over and consider now a new beginning. 2
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 So tell me again why you think she won? Did she win the traits of honesty, integrity, honor, respect...not with this dude. So are those things that you want in a man? IF they are...he isn't the one. I used to think he was all of these things but I guess I was blinded just like she is now!! What ticks me of also is the lies he most likely told her about me to justify cheating and leaving me. She's a lot younger than him, her dad cheated on her mom and got another one pregnant so why would another woman be so disrespectful to put another through what her mom went through??
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 It appears you are the one who won. You only need to recognize that. Thanks! I just really have to concentrate on making myself believe it instead of blaming myself!!!
Furious Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) You can do one of two things: Option one: Beat yourself up. Cry day and night. Allow this to define your life. Option Two: Love yourself Instead of crying get into a gym and get strong. Pamper yourself, the whole works from head to toe. Do things you've always wanted to try. Refuse to allow this to define your life. It won't be easy...fake it till you make it, and before you know it.. you won't be faking it and you will become the real thing. I hope you choose option two. ((((hugs)))) Edited July 4, 2012 by Furious 2
Benedictatu Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Why does the other woman always win and ride off into the sunset with men that are taken!??? Because they are just perfect they slave all day in high pressure jobs running the world and then they pick up the kids and have philosophical debates on the way home and then cook nutritious, creative, tasty meals that everyone loves and then the well-behaved kids do the dishes without being asked and go off and do their homework while they sit and entertain you with their witty anecdotes over a glass of exquisite red wine and empathise with your grumblings about your awful day and then massage the tension out of your neck and your shoulders and your feet and then they don't veg out in front of the telly instead everyone has engaging witty conversation about important global issues and then she dresses nicely for you for bed and transforms into the hottest lover you cold fantasise about and snuggles you all night and then wakes up the next morning and does it all again. Every day. And never once whines that you forgot to wash her underwear on delicate and it shrank or tells you not to sit too close to her on the couch or puts on an ouce of weight or gets loud and drunk and embarrassed you. Oh no. She just waves her magic wand or maybe her magic vagina and everything is just perfect and the school never sends notes home that her children have failed a test or bunked class or drank beer on the playground and her car never breaks down because she was too busy and forgot to check the oil level and she would never dream of feeding you a ready meal she even cooks curries from first principles and makes them healthier and tastier and knows just what wine to serve with what meal and she never complains when you play your music and she even likes your music and you like hers and her kids and no one ever screams or argues or fights or breaks anything in anger it's all just so perfect.
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Never ever blame yourself when someone cheats on you. It's all about them when they are cheating, it was never anything you did or didn't do. Thanks I needed to hear that he was such a manipulator that I had started to believe that this was all my fault. At the end he swore up and down she was just a friend but he wanted to break up with me because he wanted space to work on himself as he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. But he really used the space tactic to get closer to her. She wasn't just his friend he was in 2 relationships and I honestly think he needed space to choose!!!
2sure Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 You have to get rid of that mindset that someone "won". Infidelity and betrayal is not a competition between two women. If it is, then neither of you really want him anyway...you just want to win. 1
melenkurion Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 You won, honestly. It's much better that he showed you what he was like now than when you were married, or had children. You will find someone who can treat you well. 3
BetrayedH Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Thanks! I just really have to concentrate on making myself believe it instead of blaming myself!!! You did nothing to deserve this. It's all on him. As for the OW, if he will cheat with her, he'll cheat on her. Her time is coming (or at least she'll always think it is). The other posters are right that she didn't win; you did. Never settle for less than you are worth. 2
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 You have to get rid of that mindset that someone "won". Infidelity and betrayal is not a competition between two women. If it is, then neither of you really want him anyway...you just want to win. Very true, just kills me how she thinks this is such a great person, like I did in the beginning and she probably hasn't seen him show his a&& yet and he's telling her I was the crazy one. Funny how guys will tell people their ex was crazy to cover up their wrongdoing. I have some male friends who all said there ex was crazy and I just laugh!! 2
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 You did nothing to deserve this. It's all on him. As for the OW, if he will cheat with her, he'll cheat on her. Her time is coming (or at least she'll always think it is). The other posters are right that she didn't win; you did. Never settle for less than you are worth. Thank you so much, this really helps. I will try to read these posts everyday when I wake up. I feel my worst in the mornings for some reason.
BetrayedH Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Thank you so much, this really helps. I will try to read these posts everyday when I wake up. I feel my worst in the mornings for some reason. It certainly takes time to get over the betrayal. I was with my wife for 19 years and we have two children (9&5). I was a good husband and father; I'll even say that I was better than most. It didn't matter because nothing was ever enough for her and that has little to do with me. I'm a little over a year from discovering her infidelity and still have to manage the next 12 or so when it comes to 50/50 custody of the kids. Just thank God that you didn't waste the best 20 years of your life on this dude before you got free. Because you don't have all of this other baggage, you'll recover more quickly than you think.
PegNosePete Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Funny how guys will tell people their ex was crazy to cover up their wrongdoing. It's funny how women do exactly the same thing. We're not all like that, don't let this arsehole cause you to think we are 1
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 It certainly takes time to get over the betrayal. I was with my wife for 19 years and we have two children (9&5). I was a good husband and father; I'll even say that I was better than most. It didn't matter because nothing was ever enough for her and that has little to do with me. I'm a little over a year from discovering her infidelity and still have to manage the next 12 or so when it comes to 50/50 custody of the kids. Just thank God that you didn't waste the best 20 years of your life on this dude before you got free. Because you don't have all of this other baggage, you'll recover more quickly than you think. So sorry this happened to you! I hate hearing things like this when kids are involved. My parents and friends have told me also to be glad that I found out how he truly is at such an early stage. One of my friends honestly thinks he's mentally Ill from being deployed to Iraq. He truly was a different person because it was a month after he returned that I caught him with her and he left me.
GLDheart Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 ... be glad that I found out how he truly is at such an early stage... If there is anything you can be grateful for in this mess it is that. Moving forward give your next love interest the room to show thier true colors even sooner. It will always hurt to have it not work out. But better sooner than later when the ties broken are so much deeper. 1
iambookworm Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Sorry this happened to you. Just think that you dodged a bullet and did not marry him. I was in a relationship when he broke up with me and then I found out he was married. He started dating me a month after he married her. No, we didn't end up together, but I wouldn't take him back. If he cheated on her early on in their marriage, he's going to do it again and again. Don't beat yourself up. Pamper yourself, go to the gym, dress up, and date again. Once he sees you as confident and over him, he will try to get back with you. But don't let him 1
UpwardForward Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Why does the other woman always win and ride off into the sunset with men that are taken!??? IMO there is no sunset to ride into. There are similar or new sets of problems. He possibly eventually reflecting on one in his past, who was sacrificed in the process. Or possibly he continually looking to other women as a new start. 1
Author Sweett Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 IMO there is no sunset to ride into. There are similar or new sets of problems. He possibly eventually reflecting on one in his past, who was sacrificed in the process. Or possibly he continually looking to other women as a new start. Im sure they will have new sets of problems and she has not seen the worst of him yet. I do know that years ago he proposed to someone and she told him no because she was with someone else. His family told me it took him years to get past this so I was thinking maybe he was a commitment phobe or something but seems he snapped out of it if hes engaged now. It seems as if he did me the same way the girl in his past did him!!
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