birdyJ Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I last posted on here about 2 months ago. Been broken up close to 4 months after 8 years and hadn't seen him since then. Just had a catch up with him at the weekend and looking for anyone's input. Here's my previous story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/325962-gone-after-8-years#post3997142 I will say time has made things easier. I still miss him everyday and he is still on my mind a lot. Still have tears to cry, when I dwell on things anyway. But the pain of the break up has faded. Time has given me a different perspective and I have become accepting of things. I'm pleased I'm finally thinking about me. I've been saving for Uni and have realised my want to travel and work abroad for a while. All things I'm making plans for and time is growing closer to them becoming a reality. However there is still the issue of him. I met him for the first time this weekend. It was really to have a catch up over coffee and have him return money he had owed me. I don't know if I was nervous to see him but when I did, after all this time, my heart melted. He looked genuienly happy to see me and the feeling was mutual. It wasn't awkward meeting him at all. Just like old times. There were moments when both of us looked like we wanted to say things but didn't. There was a lot of smiling, using coffee cups as distractions etc. I'm guessing this was because we were in public. Even he said he's glad we were to stop himself getting teary. He told me about him and I told him about me. He said he felt vindicated because hearing me with my plans and what I'd been doing meant the break up was the right thing. He really did sound thrilled for me. I don't disagree something needed to change, I always needed a push to focus more on my own life than his but wanted a life with him too. I know he always wanted his freedom, he was my priority. I really was utterly devoted to him. He thought we couldn't talk anymore by the end of the relationship. I don't know why. We talked about whether we had someone 'special' - I said no, because whilst there have been some guys, no one I would call special. My mindset is very I want to take the time to get to know me and I'm really not looking for another boyfriend atm. When I asked him, he made a joke about the girl I had accidently added via a social networking site. Whilst I 'knew' about her, this was the first time hearing about it. It was tough hearing it but I handled it. He decided to tell me about the girl's health (she is awaiting test results for cancerous blood cells and she has a pace maker and sometimes she just collapes - this he referrecd to as like having two jobs, meaning him taking care of her). Whilst I was being supportive I did wonder, silently, wtf he was telling me this for. He even asked that himself and apologised. Saying he couldn't tell anyone else. I then told him about my little trip to Europe to see a 'friend' which the money he was returning was paying for at the end of the month. He seemed surprised, he would have had no idea I was with or had been with anyone since. At the end of our meet up he smiled and said he hopes the guy treats me right otherwise he'd sort him out. Before reaching for a cigarette as it had all got a bit 'stressful' for him. Sorry I write this like a novel. He's the one that was telling me he missed me and that we shouldn't wait so long to meet up again. I told him I missed him and that I did want to see and talk to him but it's hard. I guess what I want a little guidance on is, do I tell him the things I want to. When we broke up, I never got a chance to say my side of things and I guess at the start kind of initiated no contact because I thought he may come back. It didn't work like that. Now I have perspective, should I tell him? Or is it even worth it? I've kind of got the idea that before I go away travelling I would speak to him and then leave and enjoy my time away. I just want to be honest with him about how I felt about us when things went bad, my thoughts on things now, how I care deeply and will always love him. I guess he was right when he said we found it hard to talk in the relationship sometimes but I feel now I'm ready to just be honest with him. I've got nothing to lose. As I said I miss him terribly but know he wasn't everything I deserved. He is still my dear friend and my heart is so full of love for him. I am certainly not over him but time has dulled the pain and made me put things in a different light. I would never want to get in the way of his life or his new relationship but would also never want to regret telling him what I never did. Even though he will know just perhaps not in the way I would tell him now. Thanks guys x
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