rd1978 Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 of your opinion,, what is she thinking,, 5 years togethor,2 months apart, 19-24 things got boring and comfortable ,, things got taken for granted,,, etc.etc. we broke up,, she was talking to this other guy before we did,, and i think it gave her the confidence,, they started hanging out immediatly after, so i asked her not to call me if she didnt want to be togethor..... so she kept calling,, and i refused to awnser or talk to her for about a month,, so when i didnt take her calls she went kinda nuts and started going to the bars ALL the time and prob seeing this kid all the time....so eventually a month , month and a half,,,down the road i finally awnsered an instant message... and she was estatic to talk to me,, actually she wouldnt shut up she seemed so happy,, then started calling me like everyday for a couple of days... so like 4 out of 7 days she writes me on instant messanger we talk ,, nothing about the relationship just plain talk and laugh,,, this has been going on for like 3 weeks, she hasnt got a clue if im seeing or with anyone,,, but im assuming she is with that kid,, i could be wrong,, they could be friends,, my friend said he saw her by herself for 2 weekends in a row without him,, so who knows? so its getting to a point now where she is asking me what im doing who im hanging out with and whatnot,,{ now i was like this before i didnt always tell her everything,, BUT we arent togethor now so what do i do} i need to let her imagination wander.... so she has asked me to hang out last week no directly though,,{ do u have a tennis raquett i want to play tennis},, im bored etc.etc. then again 2 days later asked me if i was goin to the bar because her and her friend were there....This girl that liked me came up,, and she went off,, saying how ugly she is etc.etc. nastly,, prob easy because she wanted me,,,,,now this other girl is nice cute and has a good head on her shoulder's,, my ex is very insecure,, and has a low self esteem ,, very pretty very smart but that is how she is.... so does she want me back,, is she talking to me to see if im still around? i kina feel she might want to work thing out but has no clue how i feel about things because at this time all she know's is i will talk to her when she calls , i almost feel like she is feeling it out by seeing what im doing who im hanging out with? or she is being a sneaky b*tch and thinks its fine to talk to me as we are and see other people/ yesterday she told me she gets angry when we talk sometimes because of all the improvements ive made in myself and that i go out and do alot fo fun things now,,, so i was like you cant get angry at a friend for something like that,, and she was like FRIENDS? i dont think i could be friends she say's its just not that easy so i said no it isnt,, and she asked if thats what i wanted is to be friends,, so i said well i dont want to be enemies... then i told her i had to go,,,,, when we first broke up i told her i wanted to work thing out i told her what we needed to do to make things work etc etc... she broke up with me,, and she made a comment weeks ago about me leaving her and thats about when you stopped talking to me,{ i had no choice i wasnt going to talk to her while we were talking to other people!!!}
PrinceCharmingWanted Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Your post was a little confusing! I think your question should really be "What's my objective? Do I want her back?" Judging just by what you said, I'd say she does still have feelings for you and she may want to try to work things out. She probably IS missing you, that would explain her trying her hardest to talk/be with you. It seems as if you're not giving her much. You're not really showing any feelings towards her. You talk to her, but when she asks anything that has to do with the two of you you "all of a sudden" have to go. She probably doesn't know what to think! It seems she really hurt you and your distant for that reason. There's no shame in that. It's obvious you still care (or you wouldn't have posted wondering what her objective was...)!!! If you're really worried about what's going on then ask HER. She's the only person who can tell you... The rest of us can only guess.
Sweetcandi20 Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 To me....it sounded like you really dont want to be with her....you love that she is giving you all the attention now,but if you two were to date again what would happen? I think you wanting her is superfiscal....the attention is all you want....sort of like a revenge thing...but on the other hand....i really didnt understand your reasons for breaking up? so maybe you and her are just best off as friends and maybe love is someone where out there for u! Plus maybe she only wants you because......well she feels that you are still hers in a way you know....possessions still last quite a while after a couple breaks up.
Author rd1978 Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 WELL,,, i have to say i think i do love her,, But i dont actually mind being single,, sometimes that is,, i def miss that comfort and that might be what im missing,, and not her so much? The thing that really aggravates me is im almost 100% positive she is still hanging with this other guy,, and it pisses me off that she calls me so much and asks so many questions,, if she is sleeping/seeing someone else............she told me if she doesnt talk to me for a couple of days she misse me,,,,I asked her do do her best NOT to call or contact me since she didnt feel she could work things out.... she just said she didnt feel it anymore ,, maybe in the future maybe in 2 weeks ,,, she said she just didnt know ,, but after that talk i do know she called me straight for 4 days and i didnt awnser... as to she was already haqnging out with that other kid so i wasnt going to be leftovers.... I actually sent her a 4th of july email card and thats 1 of the first things ive done to show any caring ..... im not really enjoing all the attention to be honest,, if it is def for the right reasons then maybe,, but if its just to make her feel more secure then screw her... thats bull****... and i hear what your saying about her feeling she is still mine,, but you know what she let ME go ,,and it isnt fair for her to be thinking about that with some guys d*ck in her,,,{ im assuming} It would only be fair for her to realize im out doing that same sh*t as her,, and she needs to deal with that,,, i havent called her 1 single time in the 2 months we split or initiated any contact...... she calls me she writes me on instant messanger,, like on an average 4 or more times a week,,,, she doesnt think she can be friends with me ,, that would be to hard ,, so what doesn she want to see if ill talk to her? or to possibly make up??
Sweetcandi20 Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 You need to ask yourself this and be honest with yourself? Is this someone you would like to continue dating? list all the pros and cons of that relationship and see which one sounds better....but always go with what you gut or inner self says most of the time its right..... ---if no, move on, first inform her of your decision and then cut her off.... -----if yes, then experience the single life as long as you can bare because, when you get her back you will miss it. .....just accept her as is, because she isnt going to get better over night. now if she is messing around with some guy you dont want to get back with her...thats just starting problems....plus make sure your assumptions are right, if not, that could be a problem as well. You deserve to be treated right and if single life is giving you what you want and you really just want attention...then there are other fish in the sea....waiting to give it to you..... to be honest, i think you really dont want to be with her, just that your jealousy with her and this guy is getting you beside yourself. hope all works out....
Author rd1978 Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 you really do have alot of good points,,,, yes i love her,, but i am unshure if its for the right reasons,, it could be the fact that she is not mine right now ,, There was a time when we broke up like a year ago,, and 3-4 weeks after we got back togethor i was like this might have been a bad idea,, because when i had her back i almost didnt want her anymore........ you know this girl is beautifull,, and i wish she had the common sense and personality to match,,, the biggest thing here is,,, i never put in 110% and i want to do that to know in my heart,, if it would work or not,, she is insecure,, and i didnt help that situation out,,, im ready to fully committ after 5 years ,,, as for the other guy im almost positive she is hagnign out with him,,, i know she had to do it to be single,,, that was her way to get away from me,,, and i know she is to insecure to stop hanging out with him untill we make up or we really start to talk again,,, im thinking i should just bring it up,, and see where it goes,,,,, what do you think?
Sweetcandi20 Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Originally posted by rd1978 i was like this might have been a bad idea,, because when i had her back i almost didnt want her anymore........ i never put in 110% and i want to do that to know in my heart,, if it would work or not,, she is insecure,, and i didnt help that situation out,,, im ready to fully committ after 5 years ,,, as for the other guy im almost positive she is hagnign out with him,,, Well read what u just said.....it was a bad idea to be together... and u know u never gave that 110% that was needed to keep it going....so what makes you feel like you are ready to committ to someone who is seeing someone else....its a fit of jealously and Possession...she's not yours anymore and she isnt what you really want....find that beautiful girl with the personality and common sense to match it.....her beauty might only lie within but it better to be happy with someone who has what u want rather than someone, you are just holding on to because they are preoccupied or for other superfiscal reasons. Plus committment is NOT the cure for insecurity.....believe me it gets worst....she'll want to know your every move and thought....just to make sure no ones at fault and believe me that s**t gets annoying....good luck
Author rd1978 Posted July 12, 2004 Author Posted July 12, 2004 everythign you said couldnt be any more true... believe me if i know hanging out with someone else right away is NOT the awnser,, and in most cases only makes things worse.... HONESTLY i am in limbo,,, the fact that she is hanging out with someone else doesnt make me want her any more,, it's not like that,, its not the sense of wanting what you cannot have....... if anything id rather her hang out with this dude,, and if things work out then she realized she wants to be with me,,, i mean really we only knew each other for those five years and we were semi young when we started dating,,,, AND yes i do love her,,,,, we had our difference's she was vary jelious of everything and if things ever did pan out im hoping this the time apart would help that out greatly.....and i didnt put in my 110% why? i dont know,,, i needed to grow up,,, and so did she,,,,, AS this point in time i DONT need her back,,, and the only way thing would get tried again is if she had the balls to come and tell me she wants to try and work on things,,,,,,,,, she instant messages me quite often,,, and she calls,,, and just the other day she stopped by my work,,, said she had a bee in her car and wanted me to help her get it out,, she said she was afraid of getting stung while she was driving,,, {sounds like an excuse to see me} and she keep looking me in the eyes when she was here,, and she had a smile from ear to ear,,, then called me 3 times after she stopped by {i didnt awnser} and she left a message saying she had to ask me a question..... ,,,,last week,,,,, she was saying how angry she is because i am going out and doing fun things,,, so i told her thats not fair and friends shouldn't be mad about things like that,, ,, and she said FRIENDS? i dont think i could be your friend right now its just not that easy,,,,, then she asked if thats what i wanted with her is to be just friends,, so i told her i dont want to be enemies,,, then she asked if i could be just a friend and i said possibly but some moments wouldnt be easy,,,,, and 2 weeks ago she was all about trying to get me to play tennis and seeing what i was doing on another day ,,, but she doesnt come right out and ask to do something its very inderectly,, she must be scared to what my response would be....im still in libo on what to do ,,, like i said she has to come and be honest with me if she wants to work thing out,,, otherwise if she doesnt want to work on things she needs to stop contacting me,,, she herselh said she cant handle being friends so what does she want? { and im not waiting around } BUt im not in a rush either
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