magui86770 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I have a female friend who I have develop feelings for, but was currently dating someone. So, I never pursue anything out of respect of the friendship. However, when we got together one on one, she was flirty and touchy with me...stroking my back, stroking my beard. I was like WTF?? I never call her out of it, which was a mistake. I eventually told her how I felt after she broke up. She told me she also had feelings for me, but was going through some stuff and wanted me to wait, which I agree. Knew it was a mistake to agree after a few days, but gave her some time. But, I could tell that our relationship had changed. So, after about a month, I straight up ask her when she'll be ready? She tells me she wants to stay friends because she ruins all her relationships(BS answer). I then ask when was she was going to tell me this and she told me she figured I would bring up our relationship status again and tell me then. So, if I had taken a leap of faith and never question our status, she would have never have told me. This has lead me to question our entire friendship. Looking back, I was always the one making plans with her. Was she getting attention from me as a substitute when her boyfriend wasn't providing it? And what friend would let me hanging in wind and not tell me straight up about the change in heart? Makes me feel used and abused. =\ I want to avoid all contact her now which I am trying but she'll occassional send me texts and I have to see her in kickboxing class twice a week and have mutual friends. It's tough right now and but I am getting over it. Rejection sucks when they don't have feelings for you, but what happens when they admit they having feelings for you but still turn you down?!?! Was it a lie??
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Not sure that you weren't friends but it does seem like she was using you as an ego boost that she needed when everything else in her life was going downhill. 1
TheBetterPerson Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 i dont think it was a lie! but then again some girls like the fact someone wants them! its a hard subject to approach! she doesnt want to come bounding up to you and say by the way were just friends, its a bit confrontational! Dont do the no contact thing, just treat her like a friend, you know that its not going to happen now, so leave it and a lesson learnt! you never know what might happen in the future but thats now down to your actions!
Ruby65 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Honestly, she was flirting with you and that crosses the boundaries of friendship. I agree it sounds like she was using you as an ego boost and also keeping you as a possible back burner option for a future relationship. It's likely she didn't bring up the change in your status because she was waiting to see how things panned out with someone else. IF you can be happy with a friends-only relationship with this person, then I say go ahead and continue being friends..... but frankly I wouldn't be friends with anyone who used my feelings for them as an ego boost just to feel better about themselves!
flitzanu Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 meh, friends can flirt. in her mind you've always been friends, ego boost or not. she didn't want to date you, you were just her gal-pal but male. you start mentioning feelings and she wanted to be nice to push you away about it saying "too much going on" blah blah, because she obviously values the friendship enough to not just flat out tell you "no, i'm not into you and never want to date you, so drop it". been there, done that. be her friend, or don't. games aren't going to work and aren't going to change anything.
Author magui86770 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Wanted a few details about my story... I told her how I felt before I left on a week vacation. She was still with her boyfriend, but I needed to get it off my chest. I told her I wasn't expecting anything from her and that I needed to tell her how I felt. She told she was glad I told her and that no matter what happens, she didn't want to lose our friendship. And she's with her boyfriend, still! I take my trip and everyday on my trip she texted me( hows the trip, let me know when get back, etc.)and I responded. I was like, "wow.. This may be happening." Meet up with her after I came back from my vacation. We talked about status and I brought up some issues like the flirting(her answer- just comfortable with me) and why she never plans with me, it was always me asking her out( her answer- you r independent and I didn't want to bother u). There were signs like these answers that were warning signs but i ignored them. After she told me wait, we further talked for hours and hours. At the end, we became intimate. But, not in a sexual way. We were holding each other. Twice we could have done more, but I stop myself because she told earlier she didn't want a friends with benefit situation or have sex right way. I eventually left her home, but something was bugging me. I left confused because her words and actions were different,but I had hope. The next few weeks were just weird and odd. I gave her space,she came calling. When I contacted her daily, it seem like I was bugging her. This is why I had to ask her about our status again.
Author magui86770 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 She broke with her boyfriend when I was vacation.
flitzanu Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 and what, she dumped him for you? did she tell you she wants to date you now?
Author magui86770 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 flitzanu, she never said she dumped her boyfriend for me. and she said she would date me after giving her some time, asking me to wait. But, it was during that waiting time that I felt something was off. I actually better place now then a few weeks ago. I realized my mistakes in this situation. I should have cut her off on the flirting when she had a boyfriend but didnt because I also like the attention and not doing something sooner to express my feelings when she wasn't with someone. Not going to that again. I really do value her friendship and that's why I never did anything when she was dating. I wanted her to be happy. However, I realized now that she didn't respect me or her boyfriend with her behavior/flirting with me. I found out recently she is still hung up on the ex and that he recently contact her about not having plans on his bday so she is arranging a get together for him. I don't know if this happen during the "wait time," but if it did, I was basically played. =\
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