aevf39 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 My boyfriend and I were on and off for a bit from Feb-March and then broke up for good. After four weeks of not contacting him (he dumped me), he came back professing his love and devotion and that he wanted to be together for ever and that he thought about me every day. We have been together for 2 years not counting the four week break. We got back together. We are long distance and always have been. Right now he has a strenuous job at a camp with kids and works outside in the 100 degree heat. He just started this job a month ago and when he did be became more distant because he was so busy. We talked less because he said he was so tired. We still talked once a day for like 30 min and it was fine. I visited him last weekend and asked about our future. He said he loves me and wants to be together. This weekend he only called for 3 min and texted once. I got upset and blew up a little. The distance and decreased talking was getting to me. We didnt talk for a day and then he called and said he doesnt know if he wants to be in a relationship, but he loves me and wants to be with me and sees a future... I do not know what to do. I talked to him on the phone for an hour trying to show him how much I love him and that we do work well........ I do not want to be heartbroken again. I went all in last time. Is there anything I can do before it is too late? He said that I do not hold him back from anything and that he is not looking for anything or anyone else... We have been through the cheating thing and he said he wasnt. I saw his facebook when I was in town and there was nothing there. Granted I will never know, but why wouldnt he just tell me there is someone else and to leave him alone?
Mariana345 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I strongly recommend you to read this book: "He's not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. You have to do what is best to you. If you want a relationship, then find a relationship... even if it's hard to finish some others... Good luck!
KatZee Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 (edited) My ex pulled a very similar move. We were together a year, and then went into an LDR. He started pulling away because he was always working, or always at class, or super tired from everything he was doing. We didn't talk as much, some days we'd only talk for a few seconds to say goodnight, some days we didn't talk at all. Meanwhile he was still telling me, "I love you" "I see a future with you" etc etc etc. His words totally didn't match his actions. But I made every excuse in the book for him. He was tired. He was stressed. He had so much on his plate. He was having a hard time. So I just backed off and let him do his own thing, and didn't make myself a priority. I accepted whatever crumbs he tossed at me. If he didn't call me, I didn't think anything of it. I never expected more for myself. It was always him, and his schedule. So we got through the LDR and he came back home and within 2 months of him being home, he ended it with me. He quoted the same things. He "loved me still" but he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be single. He wanted to focus on his career. He wanted to "find" and "fix" himself. He didn't want to lose contact, he could see us starting fresh down the line, I was his "best friend" and he "cared so much" and that's why he was letting me go. It was "him and not me." Please. It was NOTHING but a bunch of BS. If a guy is in love with you, he will NOT be letting you go. For ANY reason. Do not listen to what he's saying. Watch his actions. He's letting you go. Any guy in love will NOT want the object of his love to be single and capable of being scooped up by another guy. He's not worried about that. That means he's not into you. My ex also told me there wasn't anyone else, and honestly right now, I don't believe it. I'm pretty sure he was talking to other girls while we were together, and I'm pretty sure he saw something he liked outside of our relationship. Instead of being honest about that, he ran like a coward. He covered up his true intentions with lies, he told me what I wanted to hear. He finally contacted me two months into NC, and merely wrote, "I just wanted to say you can sell the jewelry I gave you." A text like that out of NO WHERE after two months of not even speaking? I'm pretty sure he just wanted to see if this new chick would play out and last, and if at two months it was still going strong, he finally grew the ballsack to cut me out for good. Edited July 3, 2012 by KatZee 2
skyisfalling Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 My ex pulled a very similar move. We were together a year, and then went into an LDR. He started pulling away because he was always working, or always at class, or super tired from everything he was doing. We didn't talk as much, some days we'd only talk for a few seconds to say goodnight, some days we didn't talk at all. Meanwhile he was still telling me, "I love you" "I see a future with you" etc etc etc. His words totally didn't match his actions. But I made every excuse in the book for him. He was tired. He was stressed. He had so much on his plate. He was having a hard time. So I just backed off and let him do his own thing, and didn't make myself a priority. I accepted whatever crumbs he tossed at me. If he didn't call me, I didn't think anything of it. I never expected more for myself. It was always him, and his schedule. So we got through the LDR and he came back home and within 2 months of him being home, he ended it with me. He quoted the same things. He "loved me still" but he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be single. He wanted to focus on his career. He wanted to "find" and "fix" himself. He didn't want to lose contact, he could see us starting fresh down the line, I was his "best friend" and he "cared so much" and that's why he was letting me go. It was "him and not me." Please. It was NOTHING but a bunch of BS. If a guy is in love with you, he will NOT be letting you go. For ANY reason. Do not listen to what he's saying. Watch his actions. He's letting you go. Any guy in love will NOT want the object of his love to be single and capable of being scooped up by another guy. He's not worried about that. That means he's not into you. My ex also told me there wasn't anyone else, and honestly right now, I don't believe it. I'm pretty sure he was talking to other girls while we were together, and I'm pretty sure he saw something he liked outside of our relationship. Instead of being honest about that, he ran like a coward. He covered up his true intentions with lies, he told me what I wanted to hear. He finally contacted me two months into NC, and merely wrote, "I just wanted to say you can sell the jewelry I gave you." A text like that out of NO WHERE after two months of not even speaking? I'm pretty sure he just wanted to see if this new chick would play out and last, and if at two months it was still going strong, he finally grew the ballsack to cut me out for good. Reading your story was like reading mine. My ex and I were together for 1 year, and we had a great relationship. It slowly transitioned into a LDR and for awhile although it seemed good, I felt him slowly detaching. He seemed to say was tired, he had a long day, he had work to do, he had deadlines to meet, somedays we barely spoke at all. This progressed and one day, he just vanished. Never bothered to explain we were broken up, just stopped answering and responding to my texts and calls. Turns out, he had a dating profile 3 onths we even broke up and he was distancing himself even before the relationship came to an end. The sad part was, instead of telling me he wasn't into me, he just kept telling me, "im sorry honey, I'm so swamped at work, give me a little bit of time to get through this I love you..." "thank you for being so patient with me babe, I love you..." BULLSH*T! As KATZEE says, if a guy truly loved you, he would not let you go. He'd be afraid of letting you go, he wouldn't know what he would do without you. If he wanted to be with you, he would, he would move mountains to be with the one he loved, there'd be no stopping him. It's really sad to believe that the ones we loved didn't quite love us as much as we thought they did, but the sooner we realize this, the sooner we'll heal. Hang in there, and keep us posted.
Author aevf39 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 why would he say those things though? i would much rather him just say the truth and be harsh..
RogerWallace111 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I've got to interject that a guy (or girl) can definitely love someone and still let them go, need space, etc. It's such a jaded, cynical point of view to insist that it's impossible. In many cases that may be true but not always. I broke up with my ex and still loved her f*cking deeply. Certain aspects of the relationship had just become a struggle and it was clear there were timing issues w/ our life paths (don't bother saying - "if you had really loved her you would have changed your plans" - just cause you don't compromise your dearest aspirations/goals for someone doesn't mean you don't love them). I'll admit that if she hadn't proposed being "friends" with benefits I very possibly would have ended up running back to her. After months went by with that extra bit of space, we decided to get back into it formally. After which, four months later, she broke it off with me. And until I initiated nc, she was calling me every day, upset, telling me she loved me. And i know she wasn't lying. Believe me. She was scared cause she knew i wasn't ready for marriage and she didn't want to just "put off" the "inevitable" breakup. Call it absurd, but there are parallels worth discussion in other types of relationships. Sh*t, some of my closest friends & family members who i love dearly, have moved away, and we go from talking all the time to rarely. Doesn't mean you love them any less, just that for all practical purposes, on personal levels, you've taken seperate paths. You still miss & love them. More than half of my male friends have a girl they dated for years, still love in one way or another, but had to let go for college/career opportunities, the simple fact they didn't see themselves settling down for the next 60 years in their early twenties, you name it. Think of all the stupid ass love songs about loving someone but letting them go. Ha. Seriously though, do you think it's just some widely-propagated myth? Of course, yes, there are plenty of instances when they may truly no longer love you, or when the love has simply transformed from romantic to platonic with time, or the "passion" has receded. All that being said, I know how you feel. When my ex broke up with me and was insisting she still loved me, I couldn't say it back, cause I felt the same way- how could you not want to be with me and still claim you love me ? As time passed I saw things more clearly... But, OP, in your situation, it sounds like he may have the greener grass thang goin. It's up to you determine if he's honest in saying he loves you. Just try to get a VERY clear response from him as to what he wants and how he wants to proceed, so you're not left in the dark wondering, and can make your next move accordingly.
Samilia Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 My boyfriend and I were on and off for a bit from Feb-March and then broke up for good. After four weeks of not contacting him (he dumped me), he came back professing his love and devotion and that he wanted to be together for ever and that he thought about me every day. We have been together for 2 years not counting the four week break. We got back together. We are long distance and always have been. Right now he has a strenuous job at a camp with kids and works outside in the 100 degree heat. He just started this job a month ago and when he did be became more distant because he was so busy. We talked less because he said he was so tired. We still talked once a day for like 30 min and it was fine. I visited him last weekend and asked about our future. He said he loves me and wants to be together. This weekend he only called for 3 min and texted once. I got upset and blew up a little. The distance and decreased talking was getting to me. We didnt talk for a day and then he called and said he doesnt know if he wants to be in a relationship, but he loves me and wants to be with me and sees a future... I do not know what to do. I talked to him on the phone for an hour trying to show him how much I love him and that we do work well........ I do not want to be heartbroken again. I went all in last time. Is there anything I can do before it is too late? He said that I do not hold him back from anything and that he is not looking for anything or anyone else... We have been through the cheating thing and he said he wasnt. I saw his facebook when I was in town and there was nothing there. Granted I will never know, but why wouldnt he just tell me there is someone else and to leave him alone? Ya ya.. the "I still love you but I need a break" kind of deal.. he's probably enjoying summer, maybe dating other girls, or simply enjoying his freedom. Nobody is so tired that they just leave you in the dirt face first. I would drop him like a rock, what kind of relationship is this? You should come first. I can understand work can get in the way, but not to the point where he'd put you last.
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