My girlfriend keeps talking about her past

[fray5]

I've been with this girl for almost 6 months. We're both 25 and we can do almost everything together as we're both huge outdoor enthusiasts. The difference is I was raised very conservative and she is much more wild and has done more things in the past. I told her the past is the past but she'll still bring up things. Like she wanted to talk about how many people we've been with so we did that. I'm past that, ok with it. However, she has been talking more about her past relationships and they all seem like they were with guys much older than her, up to 15 years older. When she was 21 she was with a 36 year old who was separated, not yet divorced, had two kids, and his wife (ex-wife?) threatened her life. She said she had to end things bc of it. When I think of this it makes me feel a little weird and i don't know what to think of it. She told me she loves me and has never wanted to be with someone forever like she wants with me. I really love her but what should I think about this talk of her past???

[fray5]

Everyone has a past, but that doesn't mean you have to be privy to the other persons past. What she is doing is disrespectful, harmful, and damaging to your self esteem. I would be very firm with her and tell her how you feel, threaten to break up with her. Things like this can ruin a relationship.

 

How should I go about doing this? Wait for the next time for her to say something and then tell her something like "you need to quit talking about the past bc it's harmful and I don't care about any of that"? She can get condescending with me at times so I'm afraid of her starting a disagreement. Maybe I should ask her if she does this for attention? She has a lot of guy friends and is more of a free-spirit.

[Titanwolf]

How should I go about doing this? Wait for the next time for her to say something and then tell her something like "you need to quit talking about the past bc it's harmful and I don't care about any of that"? She can get condescending with me at times so I'm afraid of her starting a disagreement. Maybe I should ask her if she does this for attention? She has a lot of guy friends and is more of a free-spirit.

 

That's exactly what you should say. Who gives a damn if she starts to get edgy, you're in the right here. Some women like to spark a jealousy in their men for whatever reason, I don't know (My ex did this). I'm beginning to believe that most women are emotional sadists/sociopaths.

[phineas]

How about "what makes you think I care to hear about your ex's?"

I had to tell someone that once.

 

But I got bad news, just based on some of the things she's done & the separated guy almost twice her age I gotta say, she's attracted to d-bags and if you get all nice on her she's gonna monkey branch to someone else.

Do you think separated guy gave her the whit knight Disney treatment?

No, he railed her in uncomfortable positions. (sorry)

 

So yeah, tell her to cut it out and start caring less & sharing feelings or she'll go bye-bye.

[veggirl]

Your girlfriend is really immature. she is telling you these things to make you jealous, make sure you know she has options, make sure you know that others will want her. She is insecure and craves attention, even if it is negative.

 

You are afraid to bring this up to her? Cmon that is weak. If she will start an argument over you expressing your concerns re: the R, then she is even more immature than I thought.

 

I would tell her "stop telling me these stupid stories about your past. I don't care to hear any of them, it is pointless for you to tell me."

[AH1990]

Your girlfriend is really immature. she is telling you these things to make you jealous, make sure you know she has options, make sure you know that others will want her. She is insecure and craves attention, even if it is negative.

 

You are afraid to bring this up to her? Cmon that is weak. If she will start an argument over you expressing your concerns re: the R, then she is even more immature than I thought.

 

I would tell her "stop telling me these stupid stories about your past. I don't care to hear any of them, it is pointless for you to tell me."

 

That's the honest truth right there.

 

I once had a girl bring up her ex on the first date. I told her right then and there that usually people don't bring up ex's on the first date. I think that kind of set her straight. Mainly because she text me that night saying how sorry she was and she hopes that she gets to see me again.

 

Your gf is obviously fishing for a response from you. She's searching to start some drama and get some sort of acceptance from you that she's the 'queen bee' and try and make you jealous. This is mainly the reason why I try to refrain from bringing up ex relationship. All I really care about is whether I'm dating a street walker, or if she is still talking to her ex's. The rest is in the past.

[fray5]

That's the honest truth right there.

 

I once had a girl bring up her ex on the first date. I told her right then and there that usually people don't bring up ex's on the first date. I think that kind of set her straight. Mainly because she text me that night saying how sorry she was and she hopes that she gets to see me again.

 

Your gf is obviously fishing for a response from you. She's searching to start some drama and get some sort of acceptance from you that she's the 'queen bee' and try and make you jealous. This is mainly the reason why I try to refrain from bringing up ex relationship. All I really care about is whether I'm dating a street walker, or if she is still talking to her ex's. The rest is in the past.

 

Thanks for the response. It sounds like the case to me as well. I won't be hesistant to stand my ground next time. She also always says stuff when we see another pretty girl out or if she see's her she'll say "wow look how pretty that girl is, did you see how pretty she was". I told her I don't even notice them (even if I do) but is this another form of her fishing for attention. I think I'm going to have to tell her to chill out or i won't be with her.

[fray5]

How about "what makes you think I care to hear about your ex's?"

I had to tell someone that once.

 

But I got bad news, just based on some of the things she's done & the separated guy almost twice her age I gotta say, she's attracted to d-bags and if you get all nice on her she's gonna monkey branch to someone else.

Do you think separated guy gave her the whit knight Disney treatment?

No, he railed her in uncomfortable positions. (sorry)

 

So yeah, tell her to cut it out and start caring less & sharing feelings or she'll go bye-bye.

 

Man, I think you're really spot on and it bothers me thinking of an older guy just railing her bc I'm sure that was the case and all he wanted while she thought there was some emotional thing. How do you think I should treat her or handle this situation? Are you telling me that I shouldn't be sharing feelings with her or be nice? Just wondering man, it's annoying. Or should I just end things if she continues with the bs? Thanks for the help by the way

[g450]

I would just end it if she continues. She is playing games with you. Anyone can see that. I hate games and people that play them. It usually involves toying with the truth and toying with your heart. Dont have time for people like that.

[fray5]

I would just end it if she continues. She is playing games with you. Anyone can see that. I hate games and people that play them. It usually involves toying with the truth and toying with your heart. Dont have time for people like that.

 

 

I'm honestly not sure she's playing games. I think that just may be the way she is. If she jokes about another girl being pretty, gets a condescending tone, or talk about her past again, do you think it'd be ok to tell her if she continues with any of those things I'm not going to be with her? I know I sound weird asking this stuff.. I really do like her a lot and that is why I'm here asking. Thanks again for your all's help!