salmagundi Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 why can't I say ******* on this site? aren't we all adults? has anyone here never heard the word *******? is it really that offensive when applied correctly, like say...to describe *******s? just saying'
Author Libra85 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Basically what i am trying to ask is by ignoring her is she more likely to feel that i am 1)A guy who has maintained self respect and integrity? or 2)A guy who didn't keep his word for saying that he would try to help someone find a job despite a breakup and therefore not only did i dump him,but hes not a good friend either...ive lost my respect for him as a person?
salmagundi Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 How about 3) a guy that just doesn't give a f*&k and is moving on with his life. She might respect that...
Author Libra85 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I am trying to understand after she left me a voicemail yesterday reminding me if i called her sister about the job why she left me a text saying"Do you have a reply to the voicemail i left you?".What does she want from me if she already broke up with me?I am sensing it is something more than the job.maybe shes starting to feel shameful and guilty about what she did to me..Usually when a woman uses you and then leaves you that is it.I am baffled that she is contacting me so early
salmagundi Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 you have to remember that its often hard to break up with someone even for the instigator. She definitely is unhappy in your relationship and thats why she's doing this. But she's still contacting you because, like you, she's still going through the emotions of breaking up. This does not mean she wants to get back with you or that she regrets the breakup in the least. It more likely is a case of being afraid of the unknown and getting a feeling of security from knowing that you are still around, dangling at the end of the line. Or she wants to assuage her guilt and avoid feeling like a ****ty person by making sure you still want to talk to her. You shouldn't though. Seriously, you have to get strong here. If you want her to respect you, respect yourself. Get some healthy boundaries. She wants to break up, fine. But you need to make her understand that you will respect her decision but now she has to respect the fact that you simply cannot 'be there' anymore for her. She cut the cord, now you need to move on and she has to leave you alone to do it. Either DO NOT contact her again or, if you must, tell her that you wish her a good life but that you need her to leave you alone so that you can move on, get over her and find someone else. DOn't be pathetic about, just be firm. Thats you boundary, your line in the sand. And then respect yourself enough to respect that line. good luck man
Author Libra85 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Yeah i hope she is feeling guilty about what she did...Matt Houston says let her deal with the breakup on her own and by the 3rd or 4th week she will start feeling lonely.I am going to give her the silent treatment for a month.This is risky and may push her away but it is the only way she will come back with respect.
salmagundi Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Ok first thing. Matt Huston is exploiting you and everyone else who reads his s?&t because there is nothing easier than selling false hope to the heartbroken. Don't buy into his snake oil. Likewise, put out of your mind that you guys are getting back together. You probably aren't and why do you even think you should? I hope my posts don't sound harsh, know it all or condescending because that isn't at all my intention. Actually I keep posting because I've been you in the past. Two things to think on: First, you think this girl is the last girl on earth who can make you happy. She isn't and in a year or two or whatever you will wonder why you were so hung up on her. You will probably also thank god she dumped you when you find someone better. You will. We always do. Second, breakups are bad. But one thing is worse than the pain of a breakup and thats the enduring agony of knowing that not only did she break your heart, which you cannot help, but you let her walk away with your balls. That shame will eat you long after you stop agonizing over your breakup. Get your balls well in hand and toughen up a bit. You don't need her. Soon you won't want her anymore either. You will start noticing that there are lots of other women every bit as attractive as her and some of them you will have a chance with. Put it out of your head that you want her back, that will only prolong your pain and cost you your ball. Voilà
The Tallest One Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Sorry Libra, but what everyone is saying is the sad truth, she has moved on. Trust me I know it hurts, just got dumped just over two weeks ago and she also side she needed her time away from me. I don't for a second expect to ever hear from her again. I do miss her like crazy and would love to hear from her, but I know for sure I never will. Also, even if she was to decide to come back, your pestering her will not do it, it will only drive her further away. Been there, done that and it never ever works. Space is space, it's up to her to decide how much time she needs, but you shouldn't be waiting around for her. I know your still too attached to her and it's only been two weeks, but the sooner you accept it's over, the sooner you will be on your way to healing and moving on to a better time in your life.
Author Libra85 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 She called me yesterday and we talked on the phone she said that she wants us to still talk to each other on the phone.I even asked her how she feels being single after she broke up with me.She said it really hard and is traumatizing in a way.I really started to miss her too.I told her that i didnt expect the breakup and it took me by suprise and that i need time to erase her from my mind and that while i am not ruling out the possibility, right now we shouldnt be friends.The thing is that i know she loves me and i still love her,but i want to be strong when i come back to her.I will not contact her for now but she has her sisters graduation in a couple of weeks which im invited too..I think i will bring her flowers as a sign that i still love her,but right now it is too early.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 She called me yesterday and we talked on the phone she said that she wants us to still talk to each other on the phone.I even asked her how she feels being single after she broke up with me.She said it really hard and is traumatizing in a way.I really started to miss her too.I told her that i didnt expect the breakup and it took me by suprise and that i need time to erase her from my mind and that while i am not ruling out the possibility, right now we shouldnt be friends.The thing is that i know she loves me and i still love her,but i want to be strong when i come back to her.I will not contact her for now but she has her sisters graduation in a couple of weeks which im invited too..I think i will bring her flowers as a sign that i still love her,but right now it is too early. Dont bring her flowers, she knows you still love her, and that isnt what she wants. She knows she can get back to you at any time, that isnt what she wants. What you need to do is let her think that you moved on and that you DONT want to get back with her. Then she will work for you...maybe. It wont happen with flowers, you will just creep her out.
The Tallest One Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 The best thing you can do, and take it from someone many years older who's been there and is now there once again, just have no contact with her or her sister whatsoever! Take this from someone who is only thinking of you, and doesn't want to see you go through what so many of us go through. The sooner you accept that it's over and is for the best, the sooner you will move on and be on the road to not only recovery, but also being happy and back to life again. I just broke NC yesterday after 18 days, she dumped me and wanted space, but like a fool, I reached out and emailed her and now seriously regret it. When a relationship is over, it's super hard for many of us to accept. We cling to every text, phone call, email, etc, and read into everything they say. We try so hard to find any glimmer of hope that they will come back, either after a few days, or many weeks. But the sad part is that the dumper has been moving on all during this time, and us smucks are still pineing after them, fooling ourselves that they will come back. Stop worrying about what she thinks of you, whether she respects you or not or if she thinks your a jerk if you don't do this, or that for her or her sister. Just end all communication immediately and only think of YOU! It's the best thing you can do, trust me on this!!! 2
steelgator Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Please Libra for the love of god don't bring the flowers. Don't show up to the graduation either. Show her your a ****ing MAN and tell her you were busy with a hobby if she ends up asking why you didn't show up. But don't sound sorry about it.
Cl0udy Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Libra, I actually read all your post since the breakup. I cringed at some of your posts. I felt your pain. I understand you love her. MORE THAN ANYTHING. trust me when I say this. PLEASE. If she is still holding on to you by calling you and texting you and leaving voicemails and asking for favors from you is because she wants to know that she can still KEEP YOU AROUND WHILE SHE MOVES ON BEFORE YOU DO. you want her back. There is only one thing you need to do and that is NC. Woman can be so manipulative and selfish. She knows you so well that she knows what strings to push to get you to speak with her. You did so well in the beginining and then BOOM she contacts you. What a bitch! Seriously she broke up with you and she still wants you to be her friend. What you have to understand is this.... ....... She is over you <<<<<<<<<< SHE IS OVER HERE ....... She is trying to get over you ....... She is thinking of leaving you ........ Etc etc ........ He thinks he loves her <<<<<. YOU ARE OVER HERE Both of you are not in the same level. The point of NC is for you to level with her. For you to be a whole again without her. When she sees that you are moving on she may come back. If you still PROVIDE THE extras THAT COME IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE PHONE CALLS, answering back to her and helping her female friends to get them jobs you are being USED. she may even be calling you to try to sweet talk you into helping them. First thing is first you want her back right? I am sure that you are probely gonna write to her again so if you do txt her something like this. ONLY if she contacts you. If she doesn't than GOOD finally you can move on. If she asks what going on with the jobs and ohhhh how hard the break up is and ooohhhh how tramatic it is you say something like this. " Name insert, we are not together anymore. I understand that you needed your space but now I need mine. I know i promised to help your friends but I won't be able to help them. I am sure they are more than capable of finding employment on there own. I need my space for many reasons and I would really appreciate it if you let the break up be. I will write to you when I feel it is the appropriate time for us to be friends. Thanks for understanding. Take care, Insert your name .......................... With that you pretty much left her with her mouth open and a good slap in the face. If she cares she will get worried if she doesn't at least now you don't have to deal with her bullshyt. PLUS, you get your respect back from her and her sister and her best friend. GIRLS TALK!!! They probely saying shyt like " wow you left him and he still helping us wow i feel sorry for him he really wants you that bad". NO ONE WALKS ALL OVER YOU AND NO ONE WALKS OUT OF YOUR LIFE AN THINKS THEY CAN COME RIGHT BACK. Trust me on this. SHE HAS TO FEEL THE LOSS IN ORDER FOR HER TO WANT YOU BACK. after that message erase her number delete her messages. Put everything she gave you in bag and hide it somewhere. Finally you can start to heal.she may call she may not but a month will go by and she will realize that this time is for good. In the mean time RUN, EAT WELL, DATE, HAVE SEX!!!!, dance salsa, listen to music , get male buddies and hit a strip joint. SHE WILL FREAK WHEN SHE HEARS THIS. You Are not doing this for revenage or jelousy you are doing this to move on!. NC MEANS NC. NO FACEBOOK CHECK AS A MATTER OF FACT DELETE YOURS. IN THIS SCENARIO IGNORANCE IS BLISS. trust me she will never find someone that will lOVE her, respect her, adore her as much as you. When she realizes this she will come back and who knows maybe by that time you won't even want her. DON'T WRITE TO HER. DON'T PICK UP HER CALLS EVER!!!! THAT IT CHANGE YOUR NUMBER IF YOU HAVE TO. Pretty much make pretend she went to another country and was never coming back. Please take my advice. If this does not help I don't know what would CLOUDY
Cl0udy Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Oh yea, on her sister graduation. SORRY BUT YOU ARE TO BUSY TO GO!!!! Don't go period don't get her flowers. Don't even TELL HER THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING. JUST DON'T SHOW UP..... SHE IS EXPECTING YOU TO GO. JUST LIKE SHE STOOD YOU UP IN THE PARTY YOU DO THE Same. Make plans that day and that's it. Don't even send congrats to her sister. Seriously trust my word.
Cl0udy Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 And finally... Make sure after the text and if ONLY it is because she contacted you. YOU ARE THE ONE THAT HAS THE FINAL WORD. What ever she writes back you delete... Ignore...delete..ignore.... She may be mean to you, but that is only cause you are now leveling with her. REMEMBER Delete... Ignore...delete
Author Libra85 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Cloudy, I want to send that text but last week on our convo i made it clear that im not ready to be friends at the moment,even though that may change in the future.I made sure to end the convo first.During that convo i also told her(before you posted) to give her friend my email and that i will give it to the supervisor..i will not follow up,if she hears from him then she hears from him.That means no more checking with me on the status of the application.I told her that i am trying to forget about her and erase her and after i do that maybe we could be friends.I have gone NC since.Did i still leave with dignity?
salmagundi Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 yes, you did pretty good, now you just have to stick with it...
Cl0udy Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Cloudy, I want to send that text but last week on our convo i made it clear that im not ready to be friends at the moment,even though that may change in the future.I made sure to end the convo first.During that convo i also told her(before you posted) to give her friend my email and that i will give it to the supervisor..i will not follow up,if she hears from him then she hears from him.That means no more checking with me on the status of the application.I told her that i am trying to forget about her and erase her and after i do that maybe we could be friends.I have gone NC since.Did i still leave with dignity? AWESOME!!! You did so good let the supervisor put up with her and don't even recommend her. Really the last thing you need is your ex sister/friend working with you. . You did really good now like the poster above. STICK TO IT. Dont go to the graduation it will take years before you guys can really be friends again. Don't show up and let life take control of the situation. Post here if you get urges or need an opinion before you do anything.
Author Libra85 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 (edited) UPDATE She sent me a text message today after ignoring her for the last two weeks. "Give me a call when you get a chance there is something i didnt tell you that i wanted to tell you two weeks ago" Why do you guys she sent this im thinking either 1)She feels guilty about something and wants to tell me that she met a guy before she broke up with me(cheating) or she meet a new bf 2)She wants to tell me that she wants to give the relationship another chance Why do you guys think is she sending me this? What should i do? Edited July 29, 2012 by Libra85 1
YorickBrown Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 UPDATE She sent me a text message today after ignoring her for the last two weeks. "Give me a call when you get a chance there is something i didnt tell you that i wanted to tell you two weeks ago" Why do you guys she sent this im thinking either 1)She feels guilty about something and wants to tell me that she met a guy before she broke up with me(cheating) or she meet a new bf 2)She wants to tell me that she wants to give the relationship another chance Why do you guys think is she sending me this? What should i do? Puhleassee... Dude, do nothing! DO NOT REPLY ANYMORE. In fact, don't think about it (I know, easier said than done) Accept that it is over. Again, I know...easier said than done.
Author Libra85 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) __________ Edited July 29, 2012 by Libra85
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