She told me she wants space and havent heard from her since

[flitzanu]

so this won't hurt me in the long run..if i keep NC for good?

 

i still don't see what it is you think is happening here. there's no "long run" and there's no "future" that's happening with this girl. she dumped you, that's it. YOU need to move on with YOUR life and quit thinking that anything you do is going to have any relevance on her life, because it isn't.

[Zammo25]

You have made pretty much made every mistake in the book. EVERY MISTAKE. I have however sent my ex a final e mail 3 months after I last saw her as I did not really have any personal closure from my perspective as to why she went cold but I did it for ME and not her as I needed my own closure. I do not regret that final contact and said a heartfelt goodbye and good luck, thanks for everything, you are a wondeful Woman letter. I do not regret that no matter what some of the " experts on here may say " as it is now CLOSED. I told her it was my last contact and it will be. I do not expect or even want a reply but it was something I felt I needed to you for ME. Anyway I am pretty certain she has moved on away but I can look myself in the mirror with integrity as I gave her space, did not pester or be needy. Ok the end result was the same but I played it was well as I could.

Edited July 5, 2012 by Zammo25

[Libra85]

Yeah i now realize that it isnt necessary to text her for any holiday or even any birthday for that matter.I was trying to be mysterious by letting her wonder about me disappearing,but i feel i gave that aura away with that text telling her that i moved to a new place and im throwing a party..Should of jest let her wonder about me.I don't need to make myself into a party guy who invites other ppl and show her i am over her just to get her attention.I will just be be myself,a happy loner who doesn't care much for social gatherings or attention.I will not make this mistake again NC means NC..By the way how many of you have made this mistake and how did it effect you?Should this effect my standing with her if i never contact her..is it still possible that she will still have feelings if i proceeed with NC

Edited July 5, 2012 by Libra85

[KatZee]

Update

 

So i went ahead and purchased Matt Huston's get your ex back manual.Basically he says give her 3-4 weeks of No Contact after she breaks up with you for her to reach peak loneliness.Now,In my situation since she said she wanted space last monday which was two weeks ago and hasnt returned my calls so i dont know if she is done. I went over to her place last weekend and she didnt open the door and called her 3 times last week with no reply.Prior to this she has been cold and emotionally unavailable and i confronted he about this the day she asked for space.I need to find a way to tell her i agree with the breakup so i can give her that 3-4 weeks of space for her to start missing meIs it too late for letting her know that i agree with the breakup since she is not in touch with me after we agreed to give her space? Houston says you should agree to the breakup by saying something along the lines "youre a great girl..i enjoy the time we spent together But maybe im not the right guy for you?Maybe you need to breakup with me if thats what your heart is telling you?"then dissappear for awhile.Ideally,this should of happened when i saw her last week so i am trying to find a way to squeeze it in there.He says this is something to use when shes attempting to break up tih you(a bit of reverse psychology)..I am basically going No contact but i was wondering if you guys can help me find a way for me to use the line above so i can give her the option to breakup with me and then i can go no contact

 

You can buy every "Get your Ex Back" program on the market. If your ex does NOT want to be with you, it doesn't matter what plan you follow, what steps you take, or what you do or don't do in regards to these "plans."

 

You have already pushed her very far away with your needy behavior at the end of the split. Showing up at her house was even worse. STOP calling her. STOP texting. STOP showing up.

 

There really is no need to write the "break up letter" as it's called. You already messed up with the neediness and the letter really won't go much, besides, actions speak much louder than words. You don't need to tell her you agree with anything. Just continue on with the NC.

 

If she starts to miss you, she'll miss you. If she misses you enough and is rethinking her decision, SHE will reach out.

 

I tried to play this game. I went the route of the "Get Your Ex Back" plan, and it did... NOTHING. I wrote the acceptance letter, I never begged or acted desperate. I just walked away. I went one month NC. After 5 weeks I sent an "across the bow" text message. Guess what happened after all my actions based on this tactic? Nothing. After a month he didn't miss me. After 6 weeks he didn't miss me. He just genuinely didn't want to be with me... and it wouldn't have mattered if I hung myself from the ceiling by my toes while chanting a Native American prayer. Nothing was going to change how he felt or what he wanted. Which was to be out of the relationship for good.

[TaraMaiden]

I understand that she was being a coward and wanted to ease out of the relationship right now i have 2 options and my goal is to get her back

 

1)Send her a text saying" Hey Bella,i think you are a great woman and i enjoyed the moments we spent together,but if you feel in our heart that i am not the right person for you..maybe you should break up with me?"(reverse psychology)

After this i could start NC and then call her after 3-4 weeks(Matt houston says that around the third week is when they feel most lonely)

 

2)Continue NC and never call her again (I havent spoken to her in a week,its eating me alive because i have no closure about what's happening)

 

My end goal is to get her back so whichever option you guys think will give me the best chance>

 

Option 2 definitely.

With absolutely no intention ever of getting her back for 3 major reasons:

 

It won't work, It won't work, and It won't work.

 

Nothing you do - option one through to 100 - will not work.

 

Option 2 is for you to heal and get over her. Do it.

 

*Sits back while he gaily ignores all advice....*

[Libra85]

I understand the fact that no program would work..I am going NC..But i was also wondering that if she wanted me back in the future..would that text i sent inviting her to my party hurt my chances or would it make no difference?.Its only the first text i sent her after going NC for a week and it will be the last

[Ajax]

No offense, Libra, but reading this thread has been painful. It's like your relationship is a flat squirrel in the middle of the road and you're poking it with a stick to see if it moves. Well, you can move it with with enough effort, but it won't smell very good!

 

I don't want to come across as insensitive. Breakups hurt. Especially when they're out of the blue and you don't understand why if happened in the first place. But the advice you've received here is pretty spot on. Your girl is gone. And even though you still love her, you're not doing anyone any favors by holding out hope for a future with her.

 

Keep in NC, not to get her back, but for your own sweet sanity. As for closure, the way you're going the only closure you're going to get is a message from her telling you never to contact her again. The closure you need is something that will come from within yourself over time. I know that doesn't mean anything to you now, but if you trust the process, trust the advice you get, and work on yourself, it'll all come together in the long run.

[TaraMaiden]

She definitely won't 'want you back in the future'.... that's why she dumped you - because she is not in to you. She dumped you because it's over, she dumped you because you cut no ice, she dumped you because she doesn't love you - I don't know what else to say to drive it home.

 

It's ov-er.

 

Why would you wait around for someone (who is obviously not going to remain celibate in the mean time) to possibly, maybe turn round in...how long a separation....? and say, "Ok, I'm done spreading my wings, and playing the field, you can come back now."

 

Really?

you're kidding right?

[Zammo25]

She definitely won't 'want you back in the future'.... that's why she dumped you - because she is not in to you. She dumped you because it's over, she dumped you because you cut no ice, she dumped you because she doesn't love you - I don't know what else to say to drive it home.

 

It's ov-er.

 

Why would you wait around for someone (who is obviously not going to remain celibate in the mean time) to possibly, maybe turn round in...how long a separation....? and say, "Ok, I'm done spreading my wings, and playing the field, you can come back now."

 

Really?

you're kidding right?

 

Why be so harsh and make the bloke feel worse than he is ? Why ? Does it make you feel better about yourself ? make you feel a better person ? Show some COMPASSION , look it up in the dictionary. Your " tough love " maybe right for you but everyone is different and the guy is hurting. No need to be so cruel. That is the problem with this site. People troll out the same old sh*t but everyone is different and you do not help at all.

[veggirl]

No more listening to your landlady's horrific advice.

 

Sending a fake mass text is just like sending a fake text "meant for someone else". It is sooo transparent. I'm sorry but when she got that I'm SURE she knew it was sent just to her and sent to her purposely.

 

Please listen to the advice you are being given in this thread.

 

A girl in love would not need a "break" 10x in 3 years. That is CRAZY.

 

I feel for you, break ups are terribly difficult. You need to keep your head about you and focus on healing.

[KatZee]

No offense, Libra, but reading this thread has been painful. It's like your relationship is a flat squirrel in the middle of the road and you're poking it with a stick to see if it moves.

 

This was a pretty funny analogy...

 

But sadly, I do have to agree.

 

Libra, there is absolutely NO POINT in thinking, "In the future will she want me?" "Did sending a text message hurt?" You're over thinking, and over analyzing EVERYTHING.

 

No one here knows whether she will want you in the future, but the odds are, no, she will not. People who are in love with others, don't leave them or continuously ask for space.

 

In my TRULY HONEST opinion, she's never been all that into you, you've always been more into this relationship than she has. I was with a guy who was super needy/clingy like you, and I too told him many times throughout our relationship, "I need some space." It was because I really wasn't into him on that level, and he was completely overbearing. I just needed to be away from him, to have space to breathe, think on my own.

 

I like her also went back a couple times, each time out of pity and guilt, not because I truly wanted to be with him. He was a good guy. He had never did anything bad to me, so I felt horrible for hurting him, and I always fell back.

 

Finally there was one last time that I asked for space. (It was actually because I had met someone else) and I wanted to do the "gentle" breakup. The one where you ask for space and pretty much just fall off the earth. It's really a cowards way out, and I've been there. Not proud of myself, but this is from a females perspective. And no, I never wanted my ex back again. I finally had cut the cord for good, and even though my ex did what you're doing (all the mistakes) I still never took him back, and he pushed me so far away.

[flitzanu]

Why be so harsh and make the bloke feel worse than he is ? Why ? Does it make you feel better about yourself ? make you feel a better person ? Show some COMPASSION , look it up in the dictionary. Your " tough love " maybe right for you but everyone is different and the guy is hurting. No need to be so cruel. That is the problem with this site. People troll out the same old sh*t but everyone is different and you do not help at all.

 

so what's the nice, polite way to say "your ex girlfriend wants to bang other dudes and has no intention of dating you again"?

[Iwantyouback31211]

I really feel for you. Im in a similar situation. My girl asked for space about a week ago and I didnt give it to her. It made things worse, finally picked up all my stuff yesterday. There is already a new guy in her life and it hurts awfully bad. Today is day one of NC for me after she told me yesterday to lose her number and never contact her again. Shes already broke it but im not giving in.

 

I know what everyone is saying to you and I agree but on a different level. Like you I have the hope of one day getting that girl back.(maybe its just my jumbled emotions right now.) But I dont want the relationship I just had back, because that ended in pain and heartbreak.

 

She will probly date other people, maybe I will too. And time will pass, and the great thing about time is it heals and changes people. So the one day, a long time from now when I see her out or she contacts me and Im over what happened this time, I will be a different person, and so will she. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worst. As I see it people say forget about your ex, and I agree with it. One day ill forget about her, and Ill have coped with what happened. Ill have a new relationship one day, maybe with the new her. If who she turns out to be is someone I want to be with.

 

The relationship you had, is gone and dead. You will have a new one, you have no clue who with and no one can tell you it wont be her. Maybe the odds arent great but no one can guarantee shes gone forever. Be you, work on being a better you. If you attracted her as you were then when you started dating and you loved her, be an even better you. If youre a better guy you can get a better girl than she was, if by a chance she betters herself, she fell in love with you once, it could happen twice.

 

Though for now live your life and she will live hers. I dont know if youre religious, but believing someone is watching out for you helps ease the pain. Pray, not for her to come back, but for happiness. God knows what you need.

[Samilia]

Why be so harsh and make the bloke feel worse than he is ? Why ? Does it make you feel better about yourself ? make you feel a better person ? Show some COMPASSION , look it up in the dictionary. Your " tough love " maybe right for you but everyone is different and the guy is hurting. No need to be so cruel. That is the problem with this site. People troll out the same old sh*t but everyone is different and you do not help at all.

 

Tara has tons of compassion, I can guarantee you that much. She is not being cruel, she is being honest and she has to be blunt because we can all say the same thing so many times before getting frustrated.

 

Posters are getting the honesty that dumpers don't even have the respect to give.

 

"I need a break", I want to say, please, yes, give me one.

[Tree_Salmon]

Update

 

So i went ahead and purchased Matt Huston's get your ex back manual.Basically he says give her 3-4 weeks of No Contact after she breaks up with you for her to reach peak loneliness.Now,In my situation since she said she wanted space last monday which was two weeks ago and hasnt returned my calls so i dont know if she is done. I went over to her place last weekend and she didnt open the door and called her 3 times last week with no reply.Prior to this she has been cold and emotionally unavailable and i confronted he about this the day she asked for space.I need to find a way to tell her i agree with the breakup so i can give her that 3-4 weeks of space for her to start missing meIs it too late for letting her know that i agree with the breakup since she is not in touch with me after we agreed to give her space? Houston says you should agree to the breakup by saying something along the lines "youre a great girl..i enjoy the time we spent together But maybe im not the right guy for you?Maybe you need to breakup with me if thats what your heart is telling you?"then dissappear for awhile.Ideally,this should of happened when i saw her last week so i am trying to find a way to squeeze it in there.He says this is something to use when shes attempting to break up tih you(a bit of reverse psychology)..I am basically going No contact but i was wondering if you guys can help me find a way for me to use the line above so i can give her the option to breakup with me and then i can go no contact

 

Those systems are good for helping you get your balls back and moving on but dont even bother trying to get her back man. It's not worth it.

 

Trust me. You are just wasting time.

[Libra85]

Update

This past saturday she invited me over to her place(the previous night `after 3 weeks of not contacted me i sent her a text saying "Are we still hanging.I can accept what you decide but i don't want to be left hanging") she broke up with me and felt that we should be friends i told her that i am not sure about this but am leaning towards it.She knows that i still have feelings for her. I asked her for her sisters number annd would try to help her sister get a job(i later realized this is just a way to get her back)we ended on good terms.My plan was to go 30 days without contact in hopes that she would miss me.She called earlier today and asked me if i called her sister about the job and also asked me if i could help get her BF a job.I dont want to make judgements and say that she is using me(it may be because i brought it up the day we broke up about helping her sister) I am schocked that she called me back immediately??Now here is my question..If i want to get her back is it better to

1)ignore her for 30 days

@) call her and try to help her sister and best friend find a job.The fact that she trusts her bestfriend to work with me after a breakup makes me wonder that she may still have feelings.

[salmagundi]

listen,

 

she's not coming back. you need not only to accept this but you also need to stop being a toady. Why are you being an employment agency for her family? To me it looks like she's walking all over you and doesn't even have to feel bad about it because you're letting her. I don't mean to sound harsh but I've been there before and I learned the hard way that dangling on the end of her line like this is no way to live.

 

I repeat, she's not coming back. Don't believe me? That's fine, but I'd love for you to come back to this thread in six months and tell me if she's back or not.

 

Because she won't be.

 

So stop genuflecting before her. Stop rationalizing. Stop making all your present and future happiness depend on her. Go no contact and for god's sake mean it this time while you still have a pair to hang onto...

 

Because the only thing harder than getting over this breakup will be getting over the crushing realization of your own emasculation as you sacrifice every bit of your pride and self-respect on the alter of your ex while she doesn't give and damn and is banging other people.

 

There, I said it...

[livelife]

Over the course of our 3 year relationship she has said i needed space probably like ten times..none of which resulted in a breakup..its not the first time she has told me this.We always get back a few days or a week later so its not the first time ive heard those words

 

 

 

I understand that she was being a coward and wanted to ease out of the relationship right now i have 2 options and my goal is to get her back

 

1)Send her a text saying" Hey Bella,i think you are a great woman and i enjoyed the moments we spent together,but if you feel in our heart that i am not the right person for you..maybe you should break up with me?"(reverse psychology)

After this i could start NC and then call her after 3-4 weeks(Matt houston says that around the third week is when they feel most lonely)

 

2)Continue NC and never call her again (I havent spoken to her in a week,its eating me alive because i have no closure about what's happening)

 

My end goal is to get her back so whichever option you guys think will give me the best chance>

 

what else does this book say? I'm interested.

[Libra85]

She said on saturday that although she made her decision we should be friends.I told her that we may be friends in the future.Not yes or No but i dont know yet.I understand that she maybe feeling guilty about what she did and wants to stay in contact until she gets over the breakup..I am not going to allow her to use me as a friend just so she can rationalize that she did the right thing.I will let her deal with breakup on her own.Right now im pulling away and i have not contacted her since the breakup on saturday?I am sure she is suprised by this and even asked me last month if i would stalk her if she broke up with me and i have not done this.This was a sign that she was planning to leave.If i disappear out of her life for right now..would that be my only chance if i go NC?I totally understand that NC is used to heal oneself and not necessarily to get someone back..but i am not going to lie to you guys that i do have feelings for her and if we get back together someday maybe not now,i am open to that option.People do breakup and get back together so i am always open to that possibility in the future.I am just wondering for the time being should i continue to ignore her for her to respect me?

[salmagundi]

did you read my post?

you need to read it again.

you shouldn't want another chance.

you're not going to get another chance.

you shouldn't need her to respect you.

you shouldn't care.

you need to start respecting yourself.

tell me you get this...

[Libra85]

edit

I mentioned in the earlier post that she asked me to get her BF a new job.Just so you guys don't think im crazy thats best friend(the only girl she talks to and i know her pretty well) not boyfriend.Just wanted to clarify that.

[salmagundi]

I'm glad you clarified that, I thought it meant boyfriend. I just resigned myself to saying nothing.

 

But I did think you were crazy...

[salmagundi]

now how about assuring me that you are going to go completely nc and have nothing to do with this woman. please...

[Libra85]

Yeah i will not call her..i did however at one point tell her that i would help her sister get a job at my company..I know that woman respect you more when you dont put them on a pedestal..however if i dont reply to her voicemail about wheter or not i had a chance to call her sister about the job i am worried that she will think that i am not a good friend?One option is that i can bypass her and go straight to the sister without contacting her(I HAVE HER SISTER'S NUMBER)..that would still be NC

[salmagundi]

If you must do anything, do that. But why are you getting her sister a job anyway? I mean, sure, it makes you a 'nice guy' but i diagnose that as being exactly the problem. Don't call her and don't call her sister either. Hell, if it makes you feel like an ******* I say that's almost a good thing. Women love *******s. At best they 'like' nice guys.