She told me she wants space and havent heard from her since

[Libra85]

Update

 

So i went ahead and purchased Matt Huston's get your ex back manual.Basically he says give her 3-4 weeks of No Contact after she breaks up with you for her to reach peak loneliness.Now,In my situation since she said she wanted space last monday which was two weeks ago and hasnt returned my calls so i dont know if she is done. I went over to her place last weekend and she didnt open the door and called her 3 times last week with no reply.Prior to this she has been cold and emotionally unavailable and i confronted he about this the day she asked for space.I need to find a way to tell her i agree with the breakup so i can give her that 3-4 weeks of space for her to start missing meIs it too late for letting her know that i agree with the breakup since she is not in touch with me after we agreed to give her space? Houston says you should agree to the breakup by saying something along the lines "youre a great girl..i enjoy the time we spent together But maybe im not the right guy for you?Maybe you need to breakup with me if thats what your heart is telling you?"then dissappear for awhile.Ideally,this should of happened when i saw her last week so i am trying to find a way to squeeze it in there.He says this is something to use when shes attempting to break up tih you(a bit of reverse psychology)..I am basically going No contact but i was wondering if you guys can help me find a way for me to use the line above so i can give her the option to breakup with me and then i can go no contact

Edited July 3, 2012 by Libra85

[flitzanu]

Update

 

So i went ahead and purchased Matt Huston's get your ex back manual.Basically he says give her 3-4 weeks of No Contact after she breaks up with you for her to reach peak loneliness.Now,In my situation since she said she wanted space last monday which was two weeks ago and hasnt returned my calls so i dont know if she is done. I went over to her place last weekend and she didnt open the door and called her 3 times last week with no reply.Prior to this she has been cold and emotionally unavailable and i confronted he about this the day she asked for space.I need to find a way to tell her i agree with the breakup so i can give her that 3-4 weeks of space for her to start missing meIs it too late for letting her know that i agree with the breakup since she is not in touch with me after we agreed to give her space? Houston says you should agree to the breakup by saying something along the lines "youre a great girl..i enjoy the time we spent together But maybe im not the right guy for you?Maybe you need to breakup with me if thats what your heart is telling you?"then dissappear for awhile.Ideally,this should of happened when i saw her last week so i am trying to find a way to squeeze it in there.He says this is something to use when shes attempting to break up tih you(a bit of reverse psychology)..I am basically going No contact but i was wondering if you guys can help me find a way for me to use the line above so i can give her the option to breakup with me and then i can go no contact

 

"i want space" = i want to bang other people.

 

she's already broken up with you.

[Libra85]

so what do you guys think about the above strategy to get her back..its either that or sending flowers to her home and apologizing..The thing is if the cause of her leaving me is lack of appreciation on my part(hence her being cold and emotionally unavailable)..She was emotionally cold and refused to makeout or hold hands with me during sex..If she was being cold because i wasnt a nice enough guy then no contact wont address the root cause..If it is her fault then no contact and agreeing with the breakup might work to get her back..What do you guys think?

[Samilia]

Update

 

So i went ahead and purchased Matt Huston's get your ex back manual.Basically he says give her 3-4 weeks of No Contact after she breaks up with you for her to reach peak loneliness.Now,In my situation since she said she wanted space last monday which was two weeks ago and hasnt returned my calls so i dont know if she is done. I went over to her place last weekend and she didnt open the door and called her 3 times last week with no reply.Prior to this she has been cold and emotionally unavailable and i confronted he about this the day she asked for space.I need to find a way to tell her i agree with the breakup so i can give her that 3-4 weeks of space for her to start missing meIs it too late for letting her know that i agree with the breakup since she is not in touch with me after we agreed to give her space? Houston says you should agree to the breakup by saying something along the lines "youre a great girl..i enjoy the time we spent together But maybe im not the right guy for you?Maybe you need to breakup with me if thats what your heart is telling you?"then dissappear for awhile.Ideally,this should of happened when i saw her last week so i am trying to find a way to squeeze it in there.He says this is something to use when shes attempting to break up tih you(a bit of reverse psychology)..I am basically going No contact but i was wondering if you guys can help me find a way for me to use the line above so i can give her the option to breakup with me and then i can go no contact

 

Well, you don't agree with the break up, so why bother? I mean it's too late, if anything it's something you should have said the day you had the "I need space" talk. Which by the way simply translate into "I want out".

 

You called her, showed up at her door (bad move), called again.. she is not responding, that's pretty clear. I know you want a straight answer, but you're not going to get it, her silence speaks louder than words.

 

The only thing I can advice is to go no contact, to move on. Maybe in 6 months she'll recontact you, but I wouldn't set my mind on that as a goal. Your goal should be to accept that the relationship is over and move on.

 

It still sucks when people break up that way, by simply vanish into thin air.

[Samilia]

so what do you guys think about the above strategy to get her back..its either that or sending flowers to her home and apologizing..T

 

wow wow... hold on here, apologizing for what? Don't all of the sudden become her puppy, begging isn't attracting... no no and no.. it's over.

[veggirl]

Don't send her flowers, you will look pathetic.

 

You say yourself she was cold to you, I think she was never actually interested in you. She is just saying "I need space" to ease out of the R like a coward instead of breaking up with you properly.

[Libra85]

I understand that she was being a coward and wanted to ease out of the relationship right now i have 2 options and my goal is to get her back

 

1)Send her a text saying" Hey Bella,i think you are a great woman and i enjoyed the moments we spent together,but if you feel in our heart that i am not the right person for you..maybe you should break up with me?"(reverse psychology)

After this i could start NC and then call her after 3-4 weeks(Matt houston says that around the third week is when they feel most lonely)

 

2)Continue NC and never call her again (I havent spoken to her in a week,its eating me alive because i have no closure about what's happening)

 

My end goal is to get her back so whichever option you guys think will give me the best chance>

[mike588]

Don't send her flowers, you will look pathetic.

 

You say yourself she was cold to you, I think she was never actually interested in you. She is just saying "I need space" to ease out of the R like a coward instead of breaking up with you properly.

 

I 100% agree..sending flowers calling her etc. will make you look pathetic.

 

Sorry but it's over..Like veggirl said when someone says 'I need space" means it's over.

 

Best thing you can do is go No Contact and DON'T break it!!!! In the mean time try to move on....I know it's difficult but you must!

 

My ex. dumped me in a cruel way and I went strict N.C...it was very hard to do but 6 months later she contacts me several times.

 

Remember though No Contact is NOT a way to get them back..it's for you but alot of times they contact you out of curiousity...regret or guilt.

[Libra85]

Over the course of our 3 year relationship she has said i needed space probably like ten times..none of which resulted in a breakup..its not the first time she has told me this.We always get back a few days or a week later so its not the first time ive heard those words

 

 

 

I understand that she was being a coward and wanted to ease out of the relationship right now i have 2 options and my goal is to get her back

 

1)Send her a text saying" Hey Bella,i think you are a great woman and i enjoyed the moments we spent together,but if you feel in our heart that i am not the right person for you..maybe you should break up with me?"(reverse psychology)

After this i could start NC and then call her after 3-4 weeks(Matt houston says that around the third week is when they feel most lonely)

 

2)Continue NC and never call her again (I havent spoken to her in a week,its eating me alive because i have no closure about what's happening)

 

My end goal is to get her back so whichever option you guys think will give me the best chance>

[mike588]

Over the course of our 3 year relationship she has said i needed space probably like ten times..none of which resulted in a breakup..its not the first time she has told me this.We always get back a few days or a week later so its not the first time ive heard those words

 

 

 

I understand that she was being a coward and wanted to ease out of the relationship right now i have 2 options and my goal is to get her back

 

1)Send her a text saying" Hey Bella,i think you are a great woman and i enjoyed the moments we spent together,but if you feel in our heart that i am not the right person for you..maybe you should break up with me?"(reverse psychology)

After this i could start NC and then call her after 3-4 weeks(Matt houston says that around the third week is when they feel most lonely)

 

2)Continue NC and never call her again (I havent spoken to her in a week,its eating me alive because i have no closure about what's happening)

 

My end goal is to get her back so whichever option you guys think will give me the best chance>

 

We ALL want them back after being dumped. Your still emotionaly attached...give it more time...it gets better trust me.

 

Go with option 2..DO NOT contact her again. I understand the closure you want..we all did/do. In time it wont matter to you...focus on yourself now..let her wonder about you.

 

Calling/texting etc. will only push her further away...let her wonder about you..don't be foolish by sending flowers....calling her...driving by her house/work etc...it's just not worth it..

[BlazePT]

There are no "strategies" to get someone back. The best thing you can do when someone asks you for space is give it to them. AALLLLL the space they need. Not only you'll keep your dignity and self-respect, it will also give them the chance to see what the world's like without you. If the relationship had some meaning, they will miss you for sure. Especially if you did the right thing by not contacting them at all.

 

You shouldn't have called a single time. That just put pressure on her and only pushed her away. There's nothing you can do to try and get her back. There's only stuff you can do to push her further away.

 

No Contact is the only way you should go now. Break = Breakup. Simple as that. Concentrate on yourself and disappear from her life. It's the best you can do for now. However, you must do this with the main goal of getting used to living single again. If she misses you or wants to get back with you, it must be seen only as a side-effect.

 

Btw, the main thing you must filter from Matt Huston is the fact that he also says that you need to move on. Start doing it. NOW.

 

Hang in there

[Libra85]

Hey guys im really leaning towards the NC idea before i do this..should i send one last message saying "its been two weeks i've given you you're space and if i do not here from you soon i will assume that this relationship is over" or hey i given you youre space and i am an adult looking for a serious relationship.i don't have time for childish games so iam done goodbye" or can i bypass this step and go straight to NC?Do i need to have some closure to go into NC or is it ok to go straight into it for my situation?(since i gave her space she asked for and i cant say for 100% fact that she thinks it over)

[mike588]

Hey guys im really leaning towards the NC idea before i do this..should i send one last message saying "its been two weeks i've given you you're space and if i do not here from you soon i will assume that this relationship is over" or hey i given you youre space and i am an adult looking for a serious relationship.i don't have time for childish games so iam done goodbye" or can i bypass this step and go straight to NC?Do i need to have some closure to go into NC or is it ok to go straight into it for my situation?(since i gave her space she asked for and i cant say for 100% fact that she thinks it over)

 

No you should NOT!!!! send one last message..No! 2 weeks is nothing..it shows your still hanging on.

Most likely...It's over..sorry

[rAFC]

Hey guys im really leaning towards the NC idea before i do this..should i send one last message saying "its been two weeks i've given you you're space and if i do not here from you soon i will assume that this relationship is over" or hey i given you youre space and i am an adult looking for a serious relationship.i don't have time for childish games so iam done goodbye" or can i bypass this step and go straight to NC?Do i need to have some closure to go into NC or is it ok to go straight into it for my situation?

 

BlazePT said it perfectly.

 

Don't send her any message at all. Make HER start to wonder what happened to YOU. She asked you for space, so please start giving it to her.

 

None of us can predict the future, but you need to start living as if she isn't coming back. Closure comes from within yourself, no matter what she could say to you, you'd always have one more question. Besides, people will tell you what they think you want to hear when the dump you and you will never know the full truth anyway.

 

Losing a relationship is a painful experience, we can all relate. In time you will feel better, but it does take time and after 3 years together, it will likely take several months of slow progress at least. Eventually you will find acceptance and then a new woman who will make you wonder why you ever put up with this one.

 

There is a great thread going in the Coping section here called Post here instead of contacting your ex (over 6500 posts and counting). Whenever you feel the urge to contact her, write out what you want to say and post it there instead. No one there knows you or will judge you for whatever you need to say and it's a great way to vent your feelings without breaking no contact.

Edited July 4, 2012 by rAFC

[Samilia]

maybe you should break up with me?"(reverse psychology)

 

She already did.. it's not reverse psychology. And it's after the fact, it will not work, you will just perster her some more, irritate her some more.

 

2)Continue NC and never call her again

 

That's what you need to do.

 

The last thing you want to do right now is try to come up with excuses to contact her, you are making it worse.

[BlazePT]

Hey guys im really leaning towards the NC idea before i do this..should i send one last message saying "its been two weeks i've given you you're space and if i do not here from you soon i will assume that this relationship is over" or hey i given you youre space and i am an adult looking for a serious relationship.i don't have time for childish games so iam done goodbye" or can i bypass this step and go straight to NC?Do i need to have some closure to go into NC or is it ok to go straight into it for my situation?(since i gave her space she asked for and i cant say for 100% fact that she thinks it over)

 

Mate, I believe that at this point, she's just trying not to think of you. Yes, you'll probably be on her mind 80% of the time, especially when she's alone. The thing is, if you did what she asked you to do as soon as she did, she'd probably be wondering what you are up to right now and even whether you're already seeing someone else. Instead, she's probably just thinking "I hope he doesn't send me another message". You have to understand that at this time, you just have to disconnect.

 

I wouldn't send any message. The closure is right there. It's a breakup. And the longer it takes for you to just get on with it and forget about whatever you want to tell to her, the longer it will take for you to move on and the harder it gets for her to really miss you and rethink about the whole thing. The way you reacted when she asked you for a break and the way you're reacting during this "break" counts a LOT in the image you're sending her of you; and right now, it's only of a needy, desperate, unattractive guy.

 

You need to change this. Shift the balance of power NOW. Gain your power back and begin the long and hard process of getting yourself back. Only then you will be able to think more clearly, when your emotions are not burning red hot as they are now.

[Eddie Edirol]

Do NOT contact her. You want to connect with her one last time, but she wont let it happen, she wants to avoid you. But if you completely fall off the face of the earth, she might come looking for you, when she feels like you dont need her anymore. Thats why you go NC. It most likely wotn work, but thats your best chance. It also gives you time without contacting her to start moving on.

[Pod81]

ANY contact that you make now will only push her away further. If you love and respect her, then respect her decision for space - and that means NC! You have to take her off this pedestal that she doesn't deserve to be on(it's a long process and I know because I'm going through that now). Don't you think you deserve someone who will love and respect you unconditionally? Seems like this girl isn't giving you an ounce of that and yet, you are idolizing her.

[Libra85]

Ok let me get this straight before i move on.I will not even call her to let her know that we are done.I will just continue NC and work on myself,date other women(nothing serious)etc..Is that correct?

[BlazePT]

Ok let me get this straight before i move on.I will not even call her to let her know that we are done.I will just continue NC and work on myself,date other women(nothing serious)etc..Is that correct?

 

Yup. Simple as that. She doesn't exist! Period! Get out there!

[Enjaycee]

Libra, I'm going through a breakup just like you are. And just like everyone else on here has said, you need to stop trying to contact your ex. Go NC and don't try to see her at any places she may be at. Going NC serves two purposes: 1. To give you time to work on yourself. Go have fun with your friends and family. 2. Gives her time and space to herself for her to figure things out.

 

You have to move on. If she ever contacts you again then you can start making a move, but until then you have to focus on yourself.

 

She's made it pretty clear that you need to leave her alone, "space" means no texting, calling, seeing her in public, or anything. I would even delete her off of facebook or whatever social network you both use.

 

Post-breakup means time to work on yourself, bud.

[Libra85]

Update

So i totally ****ed up and gave in sending a message to her on my phone saying "Happy 4th of July everyone!!Tonight i will be hosting a party at my new place..come and join us for fireworks".My landlady adviced me to invite her as a friend to show her that i am not sitting in my room sobbing,rather i am moving on after she asked for space.Also she adviced me to frame it in a way that i am inviting everyone on my phone.She obvioulsy didn't show up and now i realize that really this was a way of seeking approval.I dont know how much this will hurt mu chances in the long run if i never break NC again..its only been two weeks since she asked for space.I am pissed off at myself right now for breaking NC after a week and beating my head against the wall...argh!!!!

[Chi townD]

you aren't the first to ever break NC and you won't be the last. Don't let it bother you. But, at least you know that she has moved on and so must you!

[Libra85]

so this won't hurt me in the long run..if i keep NC for good?

[rAFC]

The main problem here is that she asked you for space and you aren't giving it to her. This "break" was your chance to prove to her that you aren't needy and at every turn you keep showing that you are in fact needy.

 

Stop contacting her. Stop trying to come up with reasons or "tricks" to get her to contact you.

 

We all know how hard that is, but not giving her the space she asked for is only further damaging her opinion of you. Develop the attitude that you don't need her (I'll let you in on a little secret: You really DON'T need her). Develop the attitude that there are plenty of fish in the sea (there ARE plenty of single women out there). Believe in yourself and others will believe in you too.

 

Besides, a relationship with someone who frequently needs space away from you is already doomed to failure. Find someone who can't imagine ever living without you and you will be much happier.

Edited July 5, 2012 by rAFC