Ex might be interested again?

[tallydoo]

Sorry if this is long, and sorry about all the parentheticals!

 

My ex and I broke up four months ago, I cut off contact about a month and a half ago after trying and failing to be friends, and opened lines of communication maybe two, three weeks ago? I'm not sure. Anyway, I sent him a sort of breadcrumb text message last week, just to open up communication a little bit more and, let's be honest, I was missing him a lot, even just as a friend. It wasn't anything that he needed to respond to, and I honestly didn't think he would. Much to my surprise, I got back a really enthusiastic response and an invitation to come over to play some games this weekend--he planned it around my schedule, no less. So I went with my guard up and some backup plans just in case it was awkward or there was a new girl or he was playing with me, whatever. I tried to play it cool, showed up just before dinner (when we were dating and he had parties or get-togethers, he'd text me as soon as he was free so I could come over and have some alone time with him; he did the same this time, but I had plans), and found that I was only single woman there. The other people were really close mutual friends.

 

So. Here are the things that are making me step back a bit and scratch my head.

-He made me a special meal (I have a pretty severe food allergy) that he insisted on buying the ingredients for (I offered to just stop at home and pick up what I had, but he said that he didn't want to inconvenience me) and teased me about how it was made just the way I like it (we often had mock arguments about the proper way to prepare certain foods) and also about how gross it was (something else he did before/while we were dating). It was also on the plate next to his, while there were several much more neutral places to put it at the table.

-He made repeated references to people and things that only I knew about, like inside jokes and things like that.

-He offered me a walk home (I live about ten minutes away and had other means to get home, and hasn't done that since we broke up).

-He asked if he could come to a party I was hosting last night; I said yes, as it was a big party and I'm a big proponent of the more the merrier.

 

I would have just written it off as playing with me if it hadn't continued into last night. He did the same sort of thing, but maybe even a little more intensely. He made references to past dates and even brought them up vaguely in larger group conversations, then each time caught my eye and held it for a second to make sure I got the reference, and he brought little tidbits about me into conversations as if to impress me that he remembered them. I even overheard him complimenting me to someone else. And he did all the same things today when I ran into him.

 

So I need the opinions of much wiser people than me. Keep in mind, this is a complete 180 from how he was acting around me right after the breakup, where it was almost like interacting with me was a duty and a burden. I'm trying to keep it light and a little flirty, and I try not to spend too much time talking to him. And I'm trying really, really, really hard not to get emotionally invested at this point--no daydreams, no pushing, no nothing. I'm just insanely curious and entertained by how interesting this is getting; I also don't want to mess things up. Where do I go from here?

[tallydoo]

Help help help please! I'm super-tempted to text him right now to make plans to hang out again...bad idea? good idea?

 

I don't want to mess this up :/

[Fallen Angel 12100]

I am quite young but not new to love and relationships .. i belive people can change if they set their minds to it, people are never born bad people and are only influenced by factors such as ethnical background, place of living, our parents way of parenting and other factors, maybe he has realised he's mistakes and really has thoguht things through. He seems like he has time to plan something if you ever got back into contact. You are doing well so sfar by keeping you'r gaurd up, people sometimes only realise what they had after they lost it. This is true after i have cheated on my girl but it was not a serious as intercourse only kissing, i regret it 100% and karma has played back to me with my relationship (check out my entry) She has now retuned the favour and cheated on me whilst drunk and things don't add up but i belive it was karma in my case but in you'r case i think he has had time to remember how much you ment to him and his plan is to get you back but not beeing so needy with you e.g I want you back, i miss you. He is doing the most best thing: getting you to fall in love with him again, this shows that he may of changed and does actualy want to do this properly (what gives it away ids he''s efforts into keeping in contact). Slowly and i mean very slowly let him back in you, keep you'r guard up and be prepared for anything. But sometimes people deserve a second chance. If he ****s up again, don't put ureself throug hthat misery ever again and do what is best for you (leave him).

[kyle77]

well i think he is definitely interested in you but you will have to decide whether he is being genuine. He could just want to hook up with you and then you will be crushed my advice is to be cautious and only further the situation if you are positive things have changed and he genuinely wants a relationship

[tallydoo]

Thanks, guys! I'm willing to give this a second chance, I think--there were just a lot of things that ended up stacked against us that caused the breakup. There weren't any issues of cheating or anything. But I'm definitely in a place where I'd be okay walking away. I'd be sad, but I'd be okay--just like any other crush that didn't work out.

 

All of this seems far too intentional and laborious for just a hookup--he's got other girls around for that, and he knows that I'm not easily caught. I just don't want to play it too cool and discourage him because he's not getting a whole lot in return for his effort. But then again, it's only been three days that he's shown interest. What do you guys think? Would you be put off? At what point do I start showing interest back?

[leoc1973]

Go very slow. I think he's definitely interested but the way it works is that he may think he's more interested than he really is. I think thats why a lot of ex's think they were used just for sex when that wasn't the intention of the person that did the using. I think that ya go a long time without being intimate with someone and it almost becomes something you really crave and then once it happens there is the though that it wasn't as amazing as they pictured. That they just kinda wanted what they couldn't have. Not to mention that with guys once you are done that initial loss of interest is always there no matter how much you love someone. Its just in our DNA.

 

He offered to walk you home. He had that all planned out in his head that you would take a nice walk and he would kiss you goodnight and you would fall in love all over again. That wasn't spur of the moment. Like you said be flirtatious and fun. No talking about feelings or the breakup or how he hurt you. Especially how he hurt you! Just don't!! You wanna start over and seriously take it slow with the sex. Let him know you are interested but let him contact you once in a while too. And don't jump evey time he calls or asks you to do something. It would be really good for you if once in a while you told him you already have plans. Guys don't go out of their way for a girl that they have no interest in. Its hard enough to get us to go out of our way at all! Good luck and keep us posted.

[tallydoo]

I think he's definitely interested but the way it works is that he may think he's more interested than he really is.

 

Thanks for the perspective (it's so nice to have guys commenting on this)! I'm trying to be careful of that--anything that I should be on the lookout for as far as that goes? He's very respectful and almost shy when it comes to physical intimacy, so I don't think he's looking for that with me? We've never had sex and it took him a few dates to even kiss me, because he wanted me to know that he wanted and loved me, not just my body.

 

And basically, I should treat it how I did when we first started dating...but eventually we're going to have to talk about it, right? I feel like I'd probably bring it up if we ever seriously talk about getting back together--I don't blame him, I'm not angry about it, I know it had to happen, and he honestly did it in the most courteous way he could. So we could definitely talk about it without me pointing fingers and making him feel guilty; I just want to know what's going to be different in our relationship this time and what's changed in his heart. It's just kind of an elephant in the room with us right now, because he has no idea to what extent he hurt me--I never let him see me cry--so he's walking on eggshells (also the reason why I feel like I should reach out and encourage this a bit).

[tallydoo]

So, I ended up hanging out with him and some other friends yesterday (I had no other plans, and had already turned him down for plans earlier this week)--it was more of the same type of interactions. I'm really scared of being strung along; I feel like he probably could with this, though it still seems a little weird for that. It feels like we're sliding right back into a relationship with each other, but not the relationship we had, if that makes sense. It's just easy to flirt and joke around with him, and everything we do feels natural; the groups have even sort of been orienting around us (leaving a spot next to one open for the other to sit down, etc).

 

I'm just really, really impatient for him to "poop or get off the pot" as it were (particularly because I'd have a good birthday idea for him in a few weeks if he did). So I'm going to run with the momentum we built up last night, see how it goes, and run from there. I've still been a little distant with him, so maybe all he needs is a little confidence boost.