Breezie Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I love the heck out of my ex boyfriend. There are so many reasons why we aren't right together, but when we're together, there's nothing better in this world. We are both divorced- he has 2 kids, I have no kids. We took a few months apart, but recently we've been falling into our old patterns of talking several times a day, getting together on the weekends, etc. We had been discussing getting back together and really being serious about us. That was until this afternoon. I was at work, looking at some court cases. I got a feeling that I should look up his name. I found the civil court information. He was literally divorced a month ago. He had told me the whole year and a half that we were together that he was divorced. I feel lied too. I'm having trouble sorting out the feelings I'm feeling- I go from "well, he is divorced now" and "Oh, well he was separated, and they weren't living together" to "Why could he just not tell me he was separated". When I discussed it with him, he said "well, in my mind, I was divorced". I think this should be shooting up major red flags to me. Or do I just let this one slide?
Beaker78 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Well I kinda agree with him but that's prolly because I am a man....I mean are you going to let that 1 thing get in the way of your reconciliation in his eyes it's safer to tell you he is divorced than to say "we are separated".....just my 2 cents.
Philonous Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Yes, this is a red flag. First, he lied to you for over a year, and not about something minor like that he secretly likes wine coolers and not Bud Lite. This is something that affects his income and his legal status, and thus has to affect his relationship with you, if only indirectly. Not to mention that whether or not he's married probably makes a difference in how the kids are handling it, and I would hope that if you care about him this much you care for his kids on some level as well. Second, he gave you a lame 'sitcom man' excuse. Seriously? I'm a guy and the first thing I thought when I heard that explanation was "Yeah, that's the kind of thing I'd say if I got caught on something and didn't have a good answer." Even if you're willing to give him a pass on the lie in time, don't let the fact that he gave you a contrived excuse to cover his tracks go. That shows his willingness to compound the mistake he's already made by lying to you - by lying to you again, and that's the bigger red flag.
daphne Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 That would be a deal breaker for me. You can excuse it away if you want to, but it'll be back in another way. People don't just lie about status. When they do it for this reason, they'll lie about anything that could impede them from getting their way. That makes for an icky relationship in my opinion.
Balzac Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) Most divorce decrees take longer than lay people expect. Not sure I totally understand why you're so jacked up about it but you are. Would you have refused his attention and affection? Does this seem like a fatal character flaw? How old is this man? Statistics on second marriages are dim. If you look over those numbers, you enjoy the guy and aren't factoring in chikdren, no harm. If you're on the hunt for a sperm whale, move on. Edited July 6, 2012 by Balzac
dreamingoftigers Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Pppfffftttt He's an idiot, drop him. He can't even figure out what his relationship status is. Not a good thing
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