Midst of Devorce, can't let go.

[Domino63]

I still can't seem to let go of my wife of 24 years, our 2 girls functions keep up seeing one another 3-5 times a week. She is a Jekyl and Hyde, for 26 years she was very passive, helpful and sweet to be around. Now she is controlling, agresive toward our childlren. She says I was emotionally abusive so I immidiately started taking behavioral classes, seeing a counselor and speaking with a psychiatrist. She has only been seeing an abuse counselor. Meanwhile she took all of her income that was used to help pay for our home, vehicle, rv etc. and now started a new life renting a home, says she is extremely happy and has no intention of of coming back. Shows concern, is nice sometimes, and chats about our girls. Then if I don't agree to do something she wants or respond to texts in a timely fashion she will threaten me with her lawyer saying that we can't agree on anything we'll just work through the lawyers from now on, we had been working through a mediator but I'm running out of funds because I'm already paying her child custody, still paying all the big bills she left me to pay alone and now I have our girls 50/50 so I pay for their needs 2 weeks a month. She has come to see my family when we say away at my daughters softball game, she seems to really miss them. She has been nice offering for me to set on her blanket at the fireworks, she has complemented me on my packing of our daughters camp bags as well as a few other things. I really think this is more about her wanting to be a teenager again to control/manage her and our children's lives and using me as an emotional abuse excuse to her family and friends. Do I just ride this out? Is she just wanting to be friends. My 13 yr old daughter doesn't want to live with her mother at all. I have tried twice to get her to reconcile, she will start off crying on the phone but then within 5 minutes she'll become very strong, stearn and adament about moving foward with the divorce. She has no problems filing for bankruptcy as long as she gets to keep her money and live in her rental so she can control her own life and is forcing me to get her name off of all items we purchased together. She sets in front of the tv a lot drinking wine, eating mac/cheese from the pot or eating pop corn. She on much greater occasion leaving cloths and things lying around her house. Is this a phase she is going through? Me on the other hand, I'm being told to move on. Any thoughts? Thanks

[Domino63]

Yes, I most certainly made it a priority to find out why I had that behavior, I also found out what caused her to have a very similar behavior as well as be physically abusive. Yes I still love my wife a great deal and would very much like for us to resolve our issues using a professional to help guide us. I have nothing to hide and most certainly don't want to hurt her anymore, I honestly did not understand why we had such a problem for so long but I am willing to take blame even though we both were victims. She would be the first to tell anyone that I suggested many times to seek out counsel for self esteem. This problem began way before we met, we just continued it not realizing. Now that I have gone through 26 weeks of behavioral counseling and 10 weeks of codependency counseling I have no interest in controlling/manipulating her, I only asked for her hand back. With all the state abuse counselor has thought her, I don't think I could control or manipulate her now even if I wanted to (yes good for her). No matter what we will be in each others life for the next 11 years with our children's activities and functions. We seem to do quite well agreeing and working together towards their future.