irc333 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I have a female friend that's got a boyfriend, and when he sometimes cuddles with her, he tends to play around with that part of her skin or "Backfat" that sticks out over the bra strap. She's not fat by any means, but she says it bothers her big time and tells him to stop, because him doing that indicates he's pointing out she's fat. He doesn't mean anything by it, actually told her he likes touching her there, but it makes her self-conscious of her "rolls" if you know what I mean. Any other women can concur?
Emilia Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 In that it's not gender specific. I know men who are self-conscious when it comes to belly or love handles.
january2011 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Agree with Emilia, not gender-specific. I suspect that very few people like their flaws and insecurities to be pointed out to them. Twiddling with body fat while in a supposedly loving embrace could be akin to setting up a big neon sign that reminds that person that they're not perfect. Your friend may not mean anything by it, but perhaps he needs to make a conscious effort to focus on other body parts. Better he do that than have her shy away from his cuddles because she's associated them with feeling bad about herself.
Algermas Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Actually that's an excellent tactic to remind her she's getting a little chunky and needs to watch that ****.
CarrieT Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Actually that's an excellent tactic to remind her she's getting a little chunky and needs to watch that ****. Oh, puleeeze...... Try strapping in a load of flesh on your body and NOT have some of it stick up over said bindings. It is sentiments like this that piss me off. We are human beings and we have flesh on our body. That society necessitates we physically constrict our bodies for fashion is one thing - but it is another to have such demonstrably pointed attitudes which cause body dysmorphia amongst young girls who believe statements like yours.
Algermas Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Oh, puleeeze...... Try strapping in a load of flesh on your body and NOT have some of it stick up over said bindings. It is sentiments like this that piss me off. We are human beings and we have flesh on our body. That society necessitates we physically constrict our bodies for fashion is one thing - but it is another to have such demonstrably pointed attitudes which cause body dysmorphia amongst young girls who believe statements like yours. They believe statements like mine because the human body is meant to be fit and athletic. Unless we're talking about items that restrict circulation there should be no bulges. There is no excuse for being overweight.
stillafool Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Any other women can concur? I don't have back fat or rolls. However, if I did it would bother me to have someone rub them or whatever because it would make me think they were intentionally trying to point out my flaws.
xxoo Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I agree this is not gender specific. But to both men and women I say: get over it! If your lover is caressing a body part, it is most likely because they love it as part of you. Let them help you learn to love it just as much 4
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 He probably doesn't even figure that playing with her back fat like that is even a big deal because he probably figures since she clearly isn't fat why would she be offended...it's probably just a way of him being playful and teasing maybe, this is more of a young guy thing to do IMO. Because what men don't realize when they are young is how self-conscious women are about their bodies, since as men we don't usually feel as obligated to be in perfect shape however we don't necessarily feel the same way about women...that isn't something we grow up thinking IMO it's women who share a glaring insecurity about it and bring up women who have better physiques in magazines and on tv, then start to make weird and ridiculous comparisons that wouldn't even cross our mind otherwise..women do a lot actually to train men that this is what we want because women tell you all the reasons they aren't good enough, does that make sense?...we all supposedly want this perfect body, this super model physique yet how many men do you hear in a relationship or attracted to a woman walking around criticizing every physical flaw? but does that change anything? nope! when in most cases we don't even read those magazines with the girl you compare yourself to, and on tv we just look, oogle a little bit then shes off the tv and we're done with it..men have short term memory loss when it comes to women they are just merely gawking at with no other intention, we're as ready/eager/interested to see the next thing that comes along in that context, we're wired to be interested in how women look and what multiple women look like but that doesn't mean we expect our SO to be perfect in any way, in fact we don't even really associate her with that at all...but we're often told we do. Men are constantly told by women what they want and are attracted to even If we're looking at you like you're freakin crazy and don't even agree. Men have to learn to be conscious of these things and tread carefully because what some magazine or "society", self-esteem, insecurity overrides our opinion and how we really feel about it as the person who is actually with you...you would think that women would just want the man they are with to be satisfied and attracted to them but that's often BS rhetoric that doesn't follow through to reality, they want more than that...they want validation from other sources and many will never be satisfied because she's just getting older and will always find something new to be insecure about because so and so on tv looks great at her age.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 She's not fat by any means Yes she is. People who are not fat do not have "backfat" or "rolls".
Pierre Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I have a female friend that's got a boyfriend, and when he sometimes cuddles with her, he tends to play around with that part of her skin or "Backfat" that sticks out over the bra strap. She's not fat by any means, but she says it bothers her big time and tells him to stop, because him doing that indicates he's pointing out she's fat. He doesn't mean anything by it, actually told her he likes touching her there, but it makes her self-conscious of her "rolls" if you know what I mean. Any other women can concur? Sounds like she is overweight. There should not be any excess fatty tissue up there. This form of obesity is very unhealthy. Better to have fat in the rear and hips than in that area.
verhrzn Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Sounds like she is overweight. There should not be any excess fatty tissue up there. This form of obesity is very unhealthy. Better to have fat in the rear and hips than in that area. Uh... no. Very few bras are built well, and even fewer women wear bras that are their actual size, so even when a woman is thin, she may end up with flesh spilling over the edge. It's similar to how even a skinny woman can end up with a muffin top if she wears too tight of jeans. The OP is the one who actually knows her, so I think he can judge correctly if she's overweight. At any rate, the bf should keep his hands off areas that give her anxiety. Even if he thinks nothing is wrong with her, he should respect the fact that she feels insecure about certain parts. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 this is not gender specific. Let me guess - you're taking a stand on behalf of cross-dressers? 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 that part of her skin or "Backfat" that sticks out over the bra strap. yet "not gender specific" ??
serial muse Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Uh... no. Very few bras are built well, and even fewer women wear bras that are their actual size, so even when a woman is thin, she may end up with flesh spilling over the edge. It's similar to how even a skinny woman can end up with a muffin top if she wears too tight of jeans. The OP is the one who actually knows her, so I think he can judge correctly if she's overweight. At any rate, the bf should keep his hands off areas that give her anxiety. Even if he thinks nothing is wrong with her, he should respect the fact that she feels insecure about certain parts. This is what I was thinking too. I'm going to take the OP's word for it that she's not fat. But an ill-fitting bra can make the body pooch in weird ways. My advice to this woman is get fitted for the proper size of bra - most women, I'd venture to say, wear the wrong size. I also agree with verhrzn's second point - pooching or not, if she doesn't like it when he caresses that body part, why the heck not stop doing it? No one's getting anything good out of such a "caress", so he should just cut it out already.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Unless we're talking about items that restrict circulation there should be no bulges. So, you're against boobs? Sorry - breasts? There is no excuse for being overweight. Why should anyone need an excuse to be however they are? That's weird thinking, dude.
Author irc333 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 This is what I was thinking too. I'm going to take the OP's word for it that she's not fat. But an ill-fitting bra can make the body pooch in weird ways. My advice to this woman is get fitted for the proper size of bra - most women, I'd venture to say, wear the wrong size. I also agree with verhrzn's second point - pooching or not, if she doesn't like it when he caresses that body part, why the heck not stop doing it? No one's getting anything good out of such a "caress", so he should just cut it out already. She's not fat, she's just gotten softer, she is curvy though. And any amount of skin will "Poke out" past a bra strap pretty much.
FitChick Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 There is no excuse for being overweight. That goes for both sexes.
Algermas Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 So, you're against boobs? Sorry - breasts? Why should anyone need an excuse to be however they are? That's weird thinking, dude. 2/10, you know fully well what I mean when I mention tight fitting clothing and resulting bulges. Aside from nauseatingly unattractive being overweight is also unhealthy.
Algermas Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 That goes for both sexes. Where have you seen me claim otherwise?
MrCastle Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Yeah it's a bad idea to touch a woman in that area. I would suggest touching her stomach when she's sitting down. They don't get offended when you do that.
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