GeeziG Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 long distance relationship that lasted 6 months and the day before she moved to my town she breaks it off? so confused.. I treated her like a queen..she was the center of my universe! I put nothing above her for six months of my life, although it was a long distance relationship i made sure that i was there for her no matter what, she realized that saying that she had never had a guy put her first and it wasnt like anything she had ever felt or had before! I saw her cry tries of joy at the way i treated her, on the other hand i felt a void like she could never put me first..friends and family always came before me and she would do things like call me and tell me two guys told me i was fine as f*** today. I just dont feel as though that is something you call and express to your signficant other? Yet she would always tell me that i had nothing to worry about and that i should know that shes mine and wouldn't leave me, so i trusted in that even though it made me feel insecure about our relationship. .. i know reading this makes you think why would you wanna be with somebody like that, but i loved her dearly and was looking forward to her move to the same town that i currently live in, but the day before the move she breaks it off. ..blames it on my insecurity and the fact that she cant commit to me and that no matter what she did or how hard she tried she never would meet my standards. ..i was heartbroken of course and did what any person in this situation would do i reached out to see her when she got here we met up and talked where i told her i would change and that if she cared for the relationship like she said that she would atleast give it a couple of weeks to see how things went. ..she refused telling me that i wouldnt change to give an example she said things like i just moved here and if i wanted to go out tonite you would have a problem with it. ..well considering we have been long distance for so long and your finally here wouldnt anyone? during our talk she was still really touchy feely which made me even more confused. ..i finally realized that asking for another chance wasn't the way to go and left...the next day i gotta call from a unknown number never happend before my first though was its her but i didnt answer...and the following day i found out she deleted me off facebook? Idk what to make of all of this but it would be deeply appreciated if any of you could make sense of what i've just explained to you.....
Samilia Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 long distance relationship that lasted 6 months and the day before she moved to my town she breaks it off? so confused.. I treated her like a queen..she was the center of my universe! I put nothing above her for six months of my life, although it was a long distance relationship i made sure that i was there for her no matter what, she realized that saying that she had never had a guy put her first and it wasnt like anything she had ever felt or had before! I saw her cry tries of joy at the way i treated her, on the other hand i felt a void like she could never put me first..friends and family always came before me and she would do things like call me and tell me two guys told me i was fine as f*** today. I just dont feel as though that is something you call and express to your signficant other? Yet she would always tell me that i had nothing to worry about and that i should know that shes mine and wouldn't leave me, so i trusted in that even though it made me feel insecure about our relationship. .. i know reading this makes you think why would you wanna be with somebody like that, but i loved her dearly and was looking forward to her move to the same town that i currently live in, but the day before the move she breaks it off. ..blames it on my insecurity and the fact that she cant commit to me and that no matter what she did or how hard she tried she never would meet my standards. ..i was heartbroken of course and did what any person in this situation would do i reached out to see her when she got here we met up and talked where i told her i would change and that if she cared for the relationship like she said that she would atleast give it a couple of weeks to see how things went. ..she refused telling me that i wouldnt change to give an example she said things like i just moved here and if i wanted to go out tonite you would have a problem with it. ..well considering we have been long distance for so long and your finally here wouldnt anyone? during our talk she was still really touchy feely which made me even more confused. ..i finally realized that asking for another chance wasn't the way to go and left...the next day i gotta call from a unknown number never happend before my first though was its her but i didnt answer...and the following day i found out she deleted me off facebook? Idk what to make of all of this but it would be deeply appreciated if any of you could make sense of what i've just explained to you..... meh.. first, you're right, don't beg, don't tell her you're going to change/improve, that's not going to change anything. She decided to call it, nothing you can do, unfortunately. Nothing to make sense of, she just doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. I don't know why. Maybe reality hit her, LDR have a tendency to embellish reality. Maybe she's seeing someone else. Maybe it's the thrill of a new town. Who knows? I would advise you to try the no contact, to move on and heal from the break up.
Pod81 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Dude, I know exactly how you feel. Only difference is...I spent 15 months on someone that didn't put forth the effort and commitment that I did towards the relationship. Consider yourself lucky that yours was only 6 months! Towards the end of the relationship, she seemed to put me at such a low priority (only contacting me once or twice a week, forgot about one our dates) that I got fed up and broke it off with her. Although I broke up with her, it really felt like she backed me into a corner and gave me no other choice. What I've learned from this was to NOT ignore any red flags throughout the relationship (there were definitely clues to her fear of commitment) and if you do encounter them, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE! We must realize that we cannot be a hero and help them overcome maturity/emotional issues. Emotional maturity is something that comes with age and time. Unfortunately, many people at the age range (18-25) seem to lack that, although there are definitely exceptions to the rule. I highly suggest you pick up a book called "He's Scared, She's Scared." It talks about commitment phobia and helps you understand the psychology behind it. It was amazing how almost the entire book fit her to a T. Anyways, know that you did everything you could to be an amazing boyfriend and there was NOTHING that you could have done to conquer her fears. In that sense, the relationship was practically doomed from the start since you wanted something long-term and committed. Any future relationships she finds herself in will end the same way until she resolves her issues. Keep your head help up high and know that someone out there DEFINITELY will appreciate you for the effort you put into relationship and will reciprocate it as well. Edited July 9, 2012 by Pod81
Pod81 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I also wanted to add...don't take any of her blaming personally. Commitment phobes tend to nitpick and find weak faults with you as reasons to end the relationship. I don't blame them either because not many people are willing to admit to their OWN faults. So, it's easier for them to simply point their fingers at other people. For example, my ex gave me reasons that she KNEW existed since the beginning of the relationship and yet, continued to date me for 15 months? Just like your ex, mine couldn't handle how well I treated her because it made her feel obligated to do the same things in return (like remember intricate details about her life, give thoughtful gifts, etc). I kept insisting that I did it only out of selfless love and only expected her to show appreciation and love through the little things (like contacting me more, maybe some surprise visits). This just made me realize that people like our exes have insecurity issues and simply don't have the capacity to love like we do. Yes, the reasons for our respective break ups are crappy, but there's no need to be angry at them either. When I was 23 years old, I wasn't thinking commitment and I DEFINITELY wasn't as emotionally mature as I am now at the ripe old age of 30. It's a natural process of growing up, so let them go through it and learn from their mistakes! 1
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