Broke up with jerk boyfriend of 6 years, why do I feel so depressed?

[2456249]

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 20 years old and now six years later I have broken up with him. We have broken up many times, at least 7 break ups, all due to him either accusing me of cheating, him actually cheating or just being a plain a******.

 

I was always a good girlfriend to him, but made it obvious he was allowed to treat me bad. He would cycle from being a jerk to being sweet once he could see I might leave for good. So I was stuck in that up and down pattern and always hoped he would become nice and attentive again without it having to get bad and also thought he might really change one day.

 

So I broke up with him 3 weeks ago because he kept making promises to stop abusing pain pills, but then I kept finding them. I also ended it for many other reasons, one being that he kept letting a girl from his work text him all the time when he knew I was very insecure about it. He even told her that I didn't want her texting anymore because I am jealous.

 

The first two weeks of us being separated were basically great. I felt hopeful and like a weight was lifted. But now this weekend I felt majorly depressed, crying constantly and having thoughts that I might be single forever. I even texted him yesterday saying I wanted to see his dog, but he was totally rude to me and said I broke his heart and that he thinks the real reason I broke up with him was because I cheated. Whatever! I never have cheated on that guy once. Never would because that's not who I am.

 

I do take credit for being very insecure about him and other girl, but thats because he cheated in the past and hadn't really proved he never would again.

 

Anyways, why is it so hard to get over him even though he treated me like s**t? I have thought about all the times he wronged me and how it's never worked between us, but I still can't get rid of that attached feeling to him. Help!

[Fractured]

Awww. I think i'm going down the same path. I really am in no position to give relationship advice, but just know I feel your pain. It sucks, the thought that we might be single forever. I think we go back, even though they treat us like s**** is because of a comfort thing. That's what we're used too, and now were in a cycle but WERE not getting loved. Sorry I dont have anything other than that. Hope it works out for you and you move on so you dont feel that pain anymore!

[HHC]

Anyways, why is it so hard to get over him even though he treated me like s**t? I have thought about all the times he wronged me and how it's never worked between us, but I still can't get rid of that attached feeling to him. Help!

Because you're mourning the loss the the relationship you could have had if things had been different, instead of the one you actually lost.

 

I've left an abusive relationship and I didn't miss him or what we had, I missed what I still thought was possible if I tried harder. I has to remind myself that the fantasy relationship wasn't actually real and I was leaving behind pain, insecurity, distrust, hurt, and wasted time. It was much easier to move on if I focused on that

[BlazePT]

From the way I see it, that's just because you were used to have somebody, even if it wasn't the perfect person. You feel lonely now and it's perfectly normal, since your body and soul are still used to that kind of living.

 

You'll just have to give it time to get used to being single again. 3 weeks is NOT long enough to get over somebody, nor to get used to living alone, even when you did the dumping.

 

Please keep in mind though, that you'll have to get used to living single before starting another relationship. Right now, the best you can do is get yourself together first. Then, when you feel like it, start with some dates but nothing too serious. You'll see right away that you won't be single for the rest of your life (that's just your fears talking ).

 

Keep it up. Stay with No Contact. If he responded like that when you tried to talk to him, that will only be one more reason for sticking to NC.