Nessienu Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Over the last two weeks, my husband's behavior has changed. For the last 7-years, we would speak at least 5-7 times a day on the phone and have lunch 3-4 times a week. For the last 2 weeks, we haven't had lunch and he's calling 1-2 times a day; very short conversations. Last Tuesday and Wednesday, he got home at 10:00pm (instead of 5:00pm) and he didn't want dinner. He has been acting really strange. On Thursday, when I told him I would like to talk, he started to cry and said, "I love my wife". We never actually had the talk; he said he was feeling emotional and that everything was o.k. and that there was no need to talk. This morning (Monday morning), he left the house at 6:35am. I checked the phone log for his cell phone, saw where he made a phone call at 6:38am; the same number at 6:43am; and then the number 3 more times. I did a "reverse search" on the phone number and found out it belongs to a man by the name (we will say) Jack Jones. I called the number and got a voice message. Jack has a very sweet voice. I know all of my husbands male friends and he has never mentioned this mans name. The search identified the mans email address which is a women's name; example: [email protected] My husband is very secretive and very protective. He adamantly refuses to share ANY of his passwords. Everything is password protected. He even knows if I call the automated service at the bank to check the account balance because he has it set up to receive an email alert and a text alert. I think it would be easier to get into the White House than it would be to access my husbands computer. I honestly think he is "undercover". Am I paranoid?? 1
SomedayDig Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I would simply ask him, in a non threatening way "Who is Jack?"
stillafool Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 About the email address - maybe it is a SheMale. What else does your H do to make you think he is gay?
Enema Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Go with your gut. Only a gay man would want to have 5-7 phone conversations with his wife every day. 1
2sure Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Easy. buy a voice activated digital recorder for 20.00 at any office supply store. PLace it in his car. 1
Author Nessienu Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks. I will certainly take your suggestion and buy a voice recorder. I retained a private investigator this morning and he said I should not let my husband on, to the fact that I am suspicious of his activity. It is 7:45pm right now and hubby has not made it home. He usually gets home around 5:00pm. I went on line and checked his cell phone call log and he had another phone conversation with Jack at 4:11pm today.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I think my husband is gay OK, um, but where is the "gay" part???
johan Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 OK, um, but where is the "gay" part??? She suspects he's cheating on her with a guy named Jack. Seems kind of... gay.
reboot Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Maybe it's Jack's wife. Lots of times if you get someone a cell on your existing account it will show up in your name if you don't specifically ask the provider to put another name on it.
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 She suspects he's cheating on her with a guy named Jack. Seems kind of... gay. Jack is probably the husband of the women he is hitting...
reboot Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Jack is probably the husband of the women he is hitting... Great minds and all that. 1
johan Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Jack is probably the husband of the women he is hitting... Jack is a polygamist? What a mess this is turning out to be. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 ha ha. johan has picked a nice thread to post in
Athena Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Over the last two weeks, my husband's behavior has changed. (...) I did a "reverse search" on the phone number and found out it belongs to a man by the name (we will say) Jack Jones. I called the number and got a voice message. Jack has a very sweet voice. I know all of my husbands male friends and he has never mentioned this mans name. The search identified the mans email address which is a women's name; example: [email protected] I think it would be easier to get into the White House than it would be to access my husbands computer. (...) I honestly think he is "undercover". Am I paranoid?? Your husband's drastic behavior changes and his pulling away from connecting/communicating with you, his leaving the house and immediately calling his 'new friend' several times .... ALL this indicates an AFFAIR. The part that you got a Male voicemail message but a females email address may just mean he has a female lover with either her husband's name on her voicemail, or a deterrant to throw you off by making you think it's a male (some mm put their lover's names under a Male name in their Contacts on their cell phone). Lastly, the fact that your husband is SO very careful with everything to do with his security and privacy indicates he has something to hide. You are reacting to facts... you are not being 'paranoid'... there is reason to suspect an affair. 3
GLDheart Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 (edited) ...I retained a private investigator this morning and he said I should not let my husband on, to the fact that I am suspicious of his activity... This may be incredibly hard but let your PI get the info. If you spring it on your husband too soon he will minimise everything... "The phone call? It was work related...." "That time I stayed out late?... shopping for YOU!" "You're so jealous and CRAZY!" Keep it cool. Get all the info. Don't let yourself get lied to like 99% of us that try to talk to our "loved ones" that we trusted as equals. Edited July 3, 2012 by GLDheart 4
stillafool Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 OP, what else has your H done to make you think he is gay?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 She suspects he's cheating on her with a guy named Jack. Seems kind of... gay. Let me guess, his last name is "Meoff" ???
GLDheart Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 OP, what else has your H done to make you think he is gay? We know the OP strongly suspects it is some form of infidelity because of her choice to post in this forum. She may have noticed a change in his "sexual appetite". Maybe he's coming on to her ALOT less. I guess accepting a "gay" affair is less ego damaging than having him screwing another woman.
stillafool Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 We know the OP strongly suspects it is some form of infidelity because of her choice to post in this forum. She may have noticed a change in his "sexual appetite". Maybe he's coming on to her ALOT less. I guess accepting a "gay" affair is less ego damaging than having him screwing another woman. I know what you're saying but I want to hear her reasons for thinking he may be gay. It is clear to me that his actions do indicate an affair but what about it (other than what was mentioned) would make her think he could be gay.
wow04 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I don't get why you think he is gay. My first thought would have been that Jack is the OW's husband. There has to be other things that make you think he is gay. 1
GLDheart Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 (edited) She heard the mans voice on the recording. I've never had a second phone but if you were going to, might as well have a "friend" fake the recording message to further gaslight the betrayed spouse. I did a "reverse search" on the phone number and found out it belongs to a man by the name (we will say) Jack Jones. I called the number and got a voice message. Jack has a very sweet voice. So when she calls and hears another "man's" voice she thinks: "oh, it's not a woman. My husband is NOT screwing another chick. It must be no big deal." and if if she confronted him about the calls he can then answer: "What's the big deal? He's a GUY buddy I know!... Next you'll acuse me of being GAY TOO! YOUR CRAZY!!" Her husband just never thought (probably like most of us men) that her wife could ever possibly think he could be Gay. In that way his little trick backfired on him! Edited July 3, 2012 by GLDheart 1
Author Nessienu Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I have a nagging suspicion about his sexual orientation for various reasons, and I realize that some, if not all, may seem stereotypical, but this is all real to me. My husband has very effiminent ways; his mannerism. We dated for 3 years before marriage and I thought he was a caring and gentle man; which he is. But he is too gentle, to the point that he allows people to push him around. He doesn't stand up for himself. I also have to fight the battles for the family. I always joke, that if a burglar broke in, I would have to act as the defender. A couple of years ago, he started using loofah's, pumice stones, facial scrubs, etc. He takes much longer to get ready than I do. He dance moves are uncomfortably feminine; he favorite shows are "Will and Grace" and "The Golden Girls". He constantly comments on how "good looking" a man is. We went out to dinner a few weeks ago, and our waiter was handsome; my husband couldn't take his eyes off of him. He commented "he's good looking". Over the past year, he has made several new male friends. I haven't meet any of them. Those are just a few.
SomedayDig Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Damn...I used to use a loofah and watch Will and Grace! I also have a fantastic desire to shop.
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