Mme. Chaucer Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I know most of you are too young to be very connected with this old song, but I was driving along and my Ipod shuffled up with this chestnut from The Rolling Stones: "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Where the lyrics go on to say that: "If you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need." Does it ever occur to you that you might not KNOW what you really need or what would be best for you in a relationship? Is being open to the concept that you might not know what you need, or that it could be very different from what you want, the same as "settling"? I don't think it is.
Teal Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I've always thought settling was taking something you know doesn't meet either your needs or your wants, but going ahead anyway because hell - gotta have something. Yech. Not being content with only needs met just sounds like having higher standards. I think it's good advice not to be too set in stone about your standards or wants, though, as long as you're not doing something against your morals, that will make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, or that won't meet what you're sure are needs.
Bristolius Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 That song makes me wonder what the Rolling Stones want but don't have.
Woggle Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I don't think a band that includes Mick Jagger and Ronnie Wood should be giving out relationship advice. 1
Author Mme. Chaucer Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I don't really think the song is about relationships … I do think that it's part of the human condition to often be way out of touch with what we really need. I see it a lot in this particular forum where people list their requirements, often with a numerical value assigned. They know what they want. But if what they "need" is different, would they be "settling" if they found out what that was and went for it? Obviously, I don't think so. I mean, I do "need" to find my mate attractive. I don't "need" a man to be a certain height, have a certain income, etc. Though I might "want" some of that. And if I focussed on the "wants" I might go without getting some of my deepest needs met. Just rambling. Obviously. 2
verhrzn Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 You have an interesting point; there was an article I read recently about how OLD may actually be ham-stringing people's dating abilities, because they don't know what actually would work for them in a relationship. They limit the criteria to what they THINK would work. But people are amazingly self-deceptive in terms of what they actually need in a partner, as compared to what they THINK they need.
Bristolius Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 True, the idea in the song has wisdom. Some people have their wants and needs confused. It's tough to untangle that.
january2011 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 If we do not get to categorise our own wants and needs, then who does? Our parents? Our siblings? Our friends? A board of internet strangers? I suspect that very few people would refer to it as settling if both people are happy in the relationship. Those who would, may be projecting their own fears and framing the relationship based on their own negative experiences. I believe that all relationships require compromise and potential sacrifice of some wants and needs. Sometimes we've miscategorised these wants and needs and it's only with reflection, following negative consequences, that we realise how important a want or need is - usually when it is not being met. 2
reboot Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 The key to happiness is not in getting what you want, but rather in wanting what you get.
EasyHeart Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Where the lyrics go on to say that: "If you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need." I need a hug. 1
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