kthomas5 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. I'm the dumpee. He initially said it was a "break" and after just being friends and having sex twice I finally got the truth out of him. He said because things escalated after the decision to take a "break" it turned into a "break-up". I was devastated, I begged and pleaded which is extremely out of my character. Two weeks ago I made a decision to slowly start distancing myself from him because I felt like NC wasn't for me. Immediately he noticed and said he felt like he was losing me and he began making an effort to stay in contact and hang out. Although it seemed like he was making progress, I still had my mind made up. Last Thursday he called while I was at work and was pouring his feelings out about how he boxed up his feelings for me because of everything else going on in his life. I told him we would speak about it on Saturday. It may seem rude but I already had plans to tell him I wanted NC with him until I feel like I’ve moved on. Saturday comes around. I’ve packed up all his things that were left at my apartment, pictures, scrapbooks and anything that reminded me of him. I tell him to speak first. He says “I feel like I’m losing my best friend. I sat there like an ******* while you cried. I hate to see people cry but when you cry it rips me to pieces on the inside. Since we broke up I’ve boxed up all the feelings I have for you because I know I’m not stable enough to deal with them. I was hoping that when I becoming more stable we can begin to start dating again and become exclusive. You were and are such a positive influence on my life and now I realize that.” Him saying that only made it harder to start NC but it had to be done. I ended up getting emotional while telling him it would be best if we distance ourselves from one another. Sunday (yesterday), a day after we agreed that space would be best, he begins to call and then texted me saying he needed help finding a cheap tire place. Am I reading too much into this or is this just a test to see if I’m serious?
Treasa Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 If he's not calling you or showing up at your door on his knees to tell you he's made a huge mistake, then ignore him. He broke up with you. You're trying to heal. I'm sure he can use Google just like anyone else. Don't settle. I mean, unless you want to be permanently friendzoned, then by all means help the guy who broke your heart. If it were me, I'd just ignore it and trust that if he made it to adulthood, he can find a tire place on his own.
TaraMaiden Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 ....Am I reading too much into this or is this just a test to see if I’m serious? Read the Caliguy No Contact guide in my signature. All is explained in there. Everything.
Stanza Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Definitely don't reply to that text as it seems a bit lame and like an excuse to contact you. I'm all for LC over NC typically. However you've told him what you want and he's not respecting it. You said NC. He needs to respect it. I wasn't sure from your post if you want the NC to have time apart to see what you want? If you do, that's great and I think you're looking out for yourself.
Author kthomas5 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Thanks for the Advice guys!!! Today is Day 5 or 6 of NC, it's been hard but I plan on following through with it until I've gotten myself together and he's on his knees begging me to come back. Hahahahahaha Lol wishful thinking I guess.
Pod81 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Sounds to me like he's a classic commitment-phobe based on these facts... 1) he's boxing up his feelings 2) there's a push-pull dynamic in your relationship 3) he puts other issues in his life at a higher priority than your relationship 4) he wanted to keep you around with a "break" rather than a true break-up Were there any signs of this during your relationship? More episodes of him pushing away when things got close? Him pulling in when things got distant? Falling in love too quickly? Family issues? Inconsistent effort in the relationship? A history of short-term dating or a previous abusive relationship? Based on what I've read so far and comparing it to my situation, that's what I would guess. If that's the case, then you should definitely consider this a break-up and let him figure his own inner demons out. Regardless of the cause, he needs to do this on his own because who wants to a boyfriend/girlfriend AND a psychologist, therapy counselor, etc?
Author kthomas5 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Sounds to me like he's a classic commitment-phobe based on these facts... 1) he's boxing up his feelings 2) there's a push-pull dynamic in your relationship 3) he puts other issues in his life at a higher priority than your relationship 4) he wanted to keep you around with a "break" rather than a true break-up Were there any signs of this during your relationship? More episodes of him pushing away when things got close? Him pulling in when things got distant? Falling in love too quickly? Family issues? Inconsistent effort in the relationship? A history of short-term dating or a previous abusive relationship? Based on what I've read so far and comparing it to my situation, that's what I would guess. If that's the case, then you should definitely consider this a break-up and let him figure his own inner demons out. Regardless of the cause, he needs to do this on his own because who wants to a boyfriend/girlfriend AND a psychologist, therapy counselor, etc? His behavior started to change a month before we broke up. He went to Miami with some of his NFL buddies and came back saying he needed to change to prepare for the upcoming draft. I agreed, which meant I probably would be seeing less of him because of training. A week later while we were watching a movie he asked me to have his child. Of course I said no, not until I'm married. He said he wants to marry me just doesn't have money for a ring. I asked him how did he expect to financially support this child, then he got quiet. The following week was full of ups and downs because his mom is sick and he wants to give her a grandchild before anything happens. I had to say no. The weeks leading up to the break-up were very distant. I would ask him if he wanted to talk and I listen to relieve some stress and he would just say it was football. Now I'm on Day 6 of NC. It's hard because we were best friends. He doesn't deserve me though. Any other woman would have jumped on the opportunity to have his child but I didn't want him to feel trapped. He doesn't feel it now because his brother is in town keeping him busy but I know once he leaves it will hit him like a sack of bricks. He was already an emotional wreck before his brother came and I hadn't even started NC. Anywho I feel really good today. My BDay is in 4 days. I have two trips planned. One to Orlando with family and the other to Vegas to watch the NBA Summer League. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
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