Permenthri Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 How much baggage is OK? If he's divorced? Had a complicated last relationship? Has kids with an X? Has shared property or business interests with an X? I met a guy I really like but I don't know if I can deal with his baggage. He's really nice and everyone tells me to go for it but I'd prefer something less complicated. My friends think I'm too picky. What do you consider too much baggage?
january2011 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Within my dating pool, much of what you've mentioned is the norm. Your dating pool might be different and this guy might be an outlier. I agree with Fats. It's really up to you to decide what you can put up with. Your friends are not living your life. You are. And by the sounds of it, your gut is telling you to let this one go.
oaks Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Being divorced isn't baggage. Being divorced and not over it is baggage. Otherwise it's just another life experience. Of course, if you have a hangup about someone else having been previously married then that's a problem, too!
Radagast Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I think it depends on how old you are, and how old he or she is, and whether their "baggage" is wildly outside of the norm or not. If I were looking to date, at my age (50s) it would be reasonable to expect that the women I would consider would be divorced, or at least have had a couple of long-term significant relationships before, possibly with children, possibly complicated divorce issues and quite possibly interests (business, financial, property) still keeping them linked to previous partners. Similarly, they might expect in someone of my age that I'd be paying child support to an ex-wife, or having my kids over on weekends or during the week, or that I'd have constraints occasionally preventing my time being as free as I'd like. This is normal at my age. I would not demand, or expect, it to be different for a woman I was dating if I had at least some of the same issues myself. But if you are younger, and if you are significantly younger (say, early 20s) then that range of "baggage" would not be the norm. If you met a 24year old who told you he was divorced, had the kids every second weekend and couldn't take expensive holidays with you because half of his salary every month was committed to paying child-support to his ex-wife, then you might justifiably consider that a little too complicated.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Being divorced isn't baggage. You are right, being divorced is not "baggage"...it's a whole f-ing shipping container! People rarely get over their divorce 100%.
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