lovinglife21 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hey everyone, So I came out of a 14 month relationship a couple of months ago and have started dating someone. I was doing pretty well and felt like I needed just to meet someone to realise that not all guys were dickheads, I thought I was ready to move on (not necessarily looking for a new relationship, but just open to it). Since me and my ex broke up I haven't missed him at all until I slept with this new guy the other day. I don't know what happened really but I suddenly missed laying on his chest and having sex with him and generally how tender he was with me. I feel like it's because I have to get used to being with someone new, and it's a hard adjustment to make, especially because they are so physically different. Plus with the new guy I'm hiding what happened with my ex from him because it's just too hard for me to talk about it, and I don't want to get all emotional too quickly. Maybe partly the reason I'm missing the ex is because I could be totally myself and I can't be right now with the new guy. It will take a while for me to let this guy in and to feel comfortable, but I feel like I've regressed in the progress I made in getting over my ex. This guy is into me, and I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I don't want to move on if I'm not ready because it will hurt him even more. I do have feelings for him, but my guard is constantly up because I don't feel ready to talk about what happened with my ex. I feel like I slept with the new guy before I was ready and it's put too much pressure on me. I want to step back and focus more on how I feel towards this guy and whether he is someone I want to let into my heart. He has asked me to be his girlfriend but it's too soon for me. How do I talk to him about this? I really don't want to talk about the ex (and realise I will have to at some point). I want to tell him that I want to continue dating, but that I want to slow it down. I just don't know how to do it without hurting his feelings. xx
january2011 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I would be honest and tell him that you just got out of a relationship two months ago. You thought you were ready to date, but when you slept together, things got really intense for you. You really like him and you want to continue to see him and date him with the possibility that it could turn into something long-term. You just need to take it easy for the moment. You need to reassure him that you are not seeing anyone else. Then ask him what he thinks about that and if he is okay with easing up on the pace. If not, then I think you have to take this as a lesson learned. Take a time out from dating anyone and work on healing from your LTR before you bring someone else into your life. 1
Appleness Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Hi Lovinglife21, *sigh* I hope what you mean. There are days when I don't miss him at all and/or just remember how how bad things got toward the end. He was my first boyfriend and at my most masochistic, I believe I will always love him. There is that part of me though that believes that he isn't the same person I fell in love to begin with (or maybe it's just not worth the effort anymore, I don't know). But seriously, I don't think it would be fair to love someone else until some of these feelings fade more. That's just me though. I wouldn't want to meet a great guy and know that he has baggage because he still has doubt about his ex. Being treated like a rebound really sucks.
fucpcg Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 My exex and I started hanging out after my ex dumped me. Me and exex always had a good relationship, and we had killer sex. We weren't dating, just hanging out as she just split with her boyfriend, and neither of us was really looking to date. Finally one night about 6 months post breakup, me and exex had sex, and it went HORRIBLE. It went horrible because all it made me do was miss my ex. It wasn't her, it wasn't how we used to do it, I didn't want to cuddle with the exex at all, cause I was just sick in stomach from missing ex. I totally pulled back fro exex after that. We tried again about 3 months later, and pretty much same result. I met a new girl that I semi dated, off and on, about 6 months in length. She and I started hanging out 8 months post breakup, had sex 9 months post breakup, and same story. Why we were only semi dating. When your not ready, your not ready. I'm now 15 months post breakup, and there is still only one woman I want to sleep with, and have fall asleep on my chest when we are done. For that reason, I'm just not taking anybody serious, because I know trying to be with someone different, thinking it will help you move on, is a false hope. And I don't want to burn anyone, or upset myself more, so I just avoid any serious dating, and pretty much any sex. I tried one more time with a 3rd woman, who would definitely be a keeper so to speak, and that didn't go well either. So back to taking a break, cuz not taking a break just isn't working either.
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