truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 If you clicked with someone, the chemistry was there, attraction, they had a good job, just met all of your expectations in a mate, but found out that had a sordid past, ie, one-night stands, failed relationships, ran with the wrong crowd for a time, would that be an immediate deal breaker? Would someone's past bother you to the point you would break away, or could you overlook it?
utterer of lies Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 failed relationships Failed relationships? What? You want to date someone who is currently in a happy relationship? How is this a bad thing?
DjinnAgain Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 If you clicked with someone, the chemistry was there, attraction, they had a good job, just met all of your expectations in a mate, but found out that had a sordid past, ie, one-night stands, failed relationships, ran with the wrong crowd for a time, would that be an immediate deal breaker? Would someone's past bother you to the point you would break away, or could you overlook it? I care about who they are, not their past. I don't normally talk about it, but I came from a very bad background. Leaving that, I was addicted to drugs and did some things I cannot believe. Nothing to hurt other people (that was always a line for me), but a lot to hurt myself. I am thankful that my past does not dictate who I am. I grew up. I had a child and I grew up a lot more. I make good and respectable decisions now, moreso than many. I guess when you know from your own past that who someone is isn't their past, it's easier to overlook someone else's if you know who they are now.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Failed relationships? What? You want to date someone who is currently in a happy relationship? How is this a bad thing? How can someone continually be in a bad relationship, one after the other? Poor choices or is it something about them causing the relationships to fail?
utterer of lies Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 How can someone continually be in a bad relationship, one after the other? Poor choices or is it something about them causing the relationships to fail? So your past relationships didn't fail? Then why aren't you still together with your ex?
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 So your past relationships didn't fail? Then why aren't you still together with your ex? The issue isn't the failure but the nature of the failure and its frequency.
TaraMaiden Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Is this the "He slept with 15 women that makes him a -buck-stud, but she slept with 15 men that makes her a slut-tramp" bullcrap again?
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Is this the "He slept with 15 women that makes him a -buck-stud, but she slept with 15 men that makes her a slut-tramp" bullcrap again? Since you can't help but reduce this topic down to that you aren't ready for this discussion.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 So your past relationships didn't fail? Then why aren't you still together with your ex? I don't count High School or College. Those years you can't take seriously in my opinion. There is no need to have a "serious" relationship during that time period. I wouldn't say my last one failed, rather we mutually agreed to part ways. I felt it was too soon to move-in together and commit like that. I believe 8-12 months is an appropriate time to go that route. No need to live together after 3 months of dating.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I don't count High School or College. Those years you can't take seriously in my opinion. There is no need to have a "serious" relationship during that time period. And the vd's, pregnancies, and broken hearts people carry through the rest of their lives are imaginary too. I wouldn't say my last one failed, rather we mutually agreed to part ways. I felt it was too soon to move-in together and commit like that. I believe 8-12 months is an appropriate time to go that route. No need to live together after 3 months of dating. So 5 months was a deal breaker. You people have got to be ****tin' me.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Is this the "He slept with 15 women that makes him a -buck-stud, but she slept with 15 men that makes her a slut-tramp" bullcrap again? No. It's about is this person stable. I'm all for the past is the past, we start from this day forward. I'm just asking is the past a tell-tale sign of what is to come? Is this person over their past, or are they the same person just under a different guise.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 And the vd's, pregnancies, and broken hearts people carry through the rest of their lives are imaginary too. So 5 months was a deal breaker. You people have got to be ****tin' me. 1. Everyone pretty much cheats during those years so why commit your heart to someone when it's pretty much a guarantee they will hook up with someone else? Protect yourself: heart, wear a condom... and just date. 2. Who said 5 months? I feel if someone is that much in a rush to lock me down, then it's only going to get worse as time goes on. There has to be a mutual feeling that both people are ready for that next step. You can't force it on someone too soon.
utterer of lies Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 No. It's about is this person stable. I'm all for the past is the past, we start from this day forward. I'm just asking is the past a tell-tale sign of what is to come? Is this person over their past, or are they the same person just under a different guise. The past is important, in that a person who acted in a specific way might do so again. If he cheated on his exes, the probability that he will cheat on you is higher. But it's still just a probability. It seems you are looking for an easy answer. Well. There isn't one. If you feel you distrust him enough because of his past, break it off. If you feel you could trust him despite his past, go for it. It's a choice only you can make.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 The past is important, in that a person who acted in a specific way might do so again. If he cheated on his exes, the probability that he will cheat on you is higher. But it's still just a probability. It seems you are looking for an easy answer. Well. There isn't one. If you feel you distrust him enough because of his past, break it off. If you feel you could trust him despite his past, go for it. It's a choice only you can make. I'm a guy. I'm talking about a woman.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 1. Everyone pretty much cheats during those years so why commit your heart to someone when it's pretty much a guarantee they will hook up with someone else? Protect yourself: heart, wear a condom... and just date.If you aren't ready to commit to anything then there is no point in dating at all. 2. Who said 5 months?He wanted to begin a life after 3 and you set a minimum of 8. 8 minus 3 is 5. I feel if someone is that much in a rush to lock me down, then it's only going to get worse as time goes on. There has to be a mutual feeling that both people are ready for that next step. You can't force it on someone too soon.You shouldn't have even began if you didn't have mutual feelings. You were just jerking another around otherwise.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I'm a guy. I'm talking about a woman. That's okay baby. I'm gender blind.
utterer of lies Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I'm a guy. I'm talking about a woman. Doesn't matter, the same applies.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Doesn't matter, the same applies. Yes, because women are just men with a different penis called a clit.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 If you aren't ready to commit to anything then there is no point in dating at all. He wanted to begin a life after 3 and you set a minimum of 8. 8 minus 3 is 5. You shouldn't have even began if you didn't have mutual feelings. You were just jerking another around otherwise. You're probably doing this to get a reaction out of me with your last comment, but there was never jerking around on my part. We were dating and still getting to know each other. 3 months is way too soon to live together.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Doesn't matter, the same applies. Yes it does.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 You're probably doing this to get a reaction out of me with your last comment, but there was never jerking around on my part. We were dating and still getting to know each other. 3 months is way too soon to live together. 3 months isn't but it depends on those involved. You sound like the type who will never be ready. In truth, you can't actually prepare for it. You can only go through with it or choose not to. You have chosen the last option.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 You sound like the type who will never be ready. That's a poor assumption. How about I'm cautious and don't want to find myself stuck with the wrong person? People who like to go fast usually burn out fast. They're there one day and gone the next. I would want to know them for close to a year before I lived with them. I can't believe you're serious when you say 3 months, 12 weeks, is plenty of time for two people to move in together.
luvinthesun Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 If you clicked with someone, the chemistry was there, attraction, they had a good job, just met all of your expectations in a mate, but found out that had a sordid past, ie, one-night stands, failed relationships, ran with the wrong crowd for a time, would that be an immediate deal breaker? Would someone's past bother you to the point you would break away, or could you overlook it? Ok- if you are 50 yrs old and at 14- you ran with the wrong crowd... huh...no. One night stands ... uh no...people do make mistakes... Failed relationships...well...
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