cantbelievemyself Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 i'm new to this board b/c as i googled "still dreaming of my ex after 10+ years" and other things along that line, stuff always came up leading to here. so...figured i'd try it out. i'm feeling a little ridiculous and a little stupid right now. i've been with my husband for almost 10years now, we have great children together, a happy home, awesome - almost story book like - life. I love my husband so much and he is better to me than ANYONE has ever been. But then here comes my dreams...and in them, my ex - first love, from many moons ago. He did the dumping - never really giving me a reason (though, obviously it was b/c he didn't wanna be tied down to just 1 person)...my heart was broke...we tried remaining friends...EVERY TIME i had a date or got close with someone else, he all the sudden wanted to work on things and get back together. And, every time - up until the time i met my husband - i went back to my ex. I want to also mention, that when I told my ex I was pregnant with my first child - he asked if it could be his... The ex got married 4 years after I did and he now has a child, too. We have no contact. Haven't in at least a year (were friends on FB for a while, but i had to nix him). I can honestly say that I do not want my ex. I'm over it. Over him. But i HATE when he pops up in my dreams. In my dreams...it's different...it's the old him, the old me...just now. Our real life situations...but it's our old life feelings. I don't say hate a lot, but i HATE it. It's random that they happen, but when they do, i'm usually down and out most the next day. A while ago...when my 1st child was just a baby and he wasn't even engaged...i had a dream about my ex's mom yelling at me and i didn't know why. Just happened to talk to my ex that next day and he mentioned how he had a dream that him and i had an affair. We both dreamed that the same night. UGH. I don't know how to stop these dreams. Am i crazy? Is it ridiculous? I feel like its not fair to my husband, either. Or our kids. Ugh...i just wish they'd stop
Exit Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 The dreams could just be the result of emotional baggage left over from what you experienced with that person. You say it has nothing to do with still wanting to be with him, that you're over him, and that's good, because 2 people each with a family and kids of their own do not need to be throwing things away over some silly dreams. It's good you aren't even in contact or on Facebook anymore, although following the timeline you formed, if you've been married for 10 years and have only been out of contact for 1 then you still were talking to this person during your marriage and that's just... not good. Dreams are kind of out of our control so nobody can fault you for that. If you ever did turn your dreams into action and decide to get back in touch with this person or anything of the sort, that definitely would be unfair to your husband and your family. About the only useful action I could see you taking is to talk to a therapist and ask what these dreams mean and many times once you figure out what's really going on in your subconscious, the dreams will stop.
Author cantbelievemyself Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Exit... Yes, we were in contact for most of my marraige. The ex an I still have mutual friends, so it was hard to not be in contact. At one point earlier in my marriage, I had stopped communications with my ex...and it was, again, at least a year before I got an email from him, randomly telling me he passed some test and was now going to be a cop. Random. Then, with no communication after that, he randomly emailed me telling me he was going to be a Dad. Around that time, i found out I was pregnant with my youngest child, so the ex and i kept in contact...thought it was neat to be having kids around the same age. But, i again, cut off contact a few months after my youngest was born. Like i said, it's been about a year...he hasn't yet contacted me randomly...but i'm wondering if it's just a matter of time!? ...and maybe that's why i'm having the dreams?! b/c i'm thinking it's only a matter of time bfore he's going to contact me?!
Exit Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Anything is possible. I'm curious though unless you already explained this, do you get any sense that he has any sort of lingering feelings towards you or regret that you guys didn't get back together one final time, or on his part is he just emailing an old friend to share details about life? Because from your end of the situation it sounds like you do kind of think about the fact that you did always take him back until the last time when you met your husband and decided you were going to take your life in a different direction. If there's even the slightest "old flame" remaining between the two of you I think there's a potential for this to cause more problems than it is worth. Honestly my first thought is that you might be much better off just getting a new email and not allowing him to pop up into your life anymore. Have you seen the statistics about what Facebook does to marriages these days? I know you stated loud and clear that you have no interest in getting back with him or anything like that, but you may not know what his intentions are when he pops up with these "innocent" emails either. There's enough forces at work to break marriages apart in the world these days, and in addition now we have 18 different technologies that allow us to stay in touch with people, and having exes that we still dream about popping in and out of the picture just don't make for a good situation. I think maybe if you put an end to any possibility of further communication between the two of you, you might find peace. It may be harmless when he emails once in a while, but can you live without it? I would just ask myself "is this something that could potentially help or harm my marriage?". Exes can't pop in and out of our lives if they don't know our email or other contact info. You can take control of the situation if you really want to..
Author cantbelievemyself Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Exit - I have no idea if he has lingering feelings. And maybe that's part of it, too. He's the one who broke it off - yet, anytime i showed interest in another guy, wanted me back. The contacting he did with me was to tell him about all the good things going on in his life...like to make me jealous?! So I have no idea if there are any lingering feelings...or if it is him regretting anything...or just him being friendly. No clue. I can change my personal emails, but my work email can't change, and he knows that. Guess personal email is a step though, so i'll have to think about that. But, i like your last sentence about how i can take control of this...if i KNOW he can't contact me, maybe the dreams will stop!? Thanks!!!
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