EDR88 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Well, we met yesterday to talk about things I was unsure of. There was a few things she said and did the last time we met which left me clinging onto hope and not knowing where I stood with her (if anyones interested, see my other thread). So I asked to meet again to clear it up as I was going crazy not knowing. And, as I feared, she doesn't want to give the relationship another chance. It's over and there's no hope of reconciliation (guess knowing that is a good thing in a way?). ****. 4.5 years for nothing. I told her I can't be friends with her. Not for a long time anyway. So here I am, day 1 of no contact.....this is so hard...feel so depressed
barese1 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Its so early man, stick at it. These first few days will feel like a daydream but just remind yourself it will get easier, it will never be as hard as it is right now and keep posting
Author EDR88 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Hey thanks for your response. I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't stop thinking about her...all the good times we had... in-jokes we shared...hugging her while she slept....waking up next to her in the morning...all of that stuff....I miss her so much.
Exit Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I've never even had a relationship last that long to know what it feels like but I'll say I feel like hell over the loss of a 2 year relationship so for you, and everyone else on these forums who get tossed out of 5 and 10 year relationships, you are all much tougher and inspirational people than I'll ever be. It's like being at the gym and struggling with 25lbs and you look over your shoulder and watch someone throwing around 500lbs like a rag doll. You're stronger than you know and you will get where you need to be in time. Be proud of having a long term relationship with someone because there are people like me who are so abrasive that people never stay for longer than a year or two lol.
Ruby65 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hey thanks for your response. I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't stop thinking about her...all the good times we had... in-jokes we shared...hugging her while she slept....waking up next to her in the morning...all of that stuff....I miss her so much. You'll have all those things back in your next relationship! All that great-feeling relationship stuff you love and miss so much comes with every relationship you have...... the in-jokes are different, some of the details change..... The good news is, the next time you have that wonderful feeling of closeness, it'll be with a new girl who will WANT to be with you. Much, much better! Keep posting, keep strong. You're doing GREAT!
k100danny Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I feel for you but at the moment you are looking at all the good things you remember and what you are missing, this is very normal and i assume EVERYONE does this to some extent. When you have planned your future or even thought about it to yourself where your life will go and it doesnt go that way it is hard to let go so these feelings are very normal. Now I know everyone says it but ask yourself this, Is it really 4 years wasted? Did you not have good times? I don't see it as a waste unless you where putting yourself through stress for all of the time, I see it as an experience. I miss my gilfriend like crazy, BUT i know that it could probably never be that way again, once someone has made up their mind to leave they create lots of ways to justify this to themselves, even though they don't have to. It is their life and they deserve whatever will make them happy as do you too. I look at it this way and i think it would be a good way for you to view it too. I was quite happy in the relationship for the most part but for whatever reasons she wasn't and it ended, I wouldnt want to be in a relationship were we were constantly trying to make each other happy (of course you do compromise and do things for the person you love but if you are doing it and its a constant battle it isnt meant to be) Would you be happy getting back into a relationship with someone who you knew there heart wasnt fully in it? do you not deserve someone who feels the same? Don't settle for anything and don't think that it is a personal thing toward you. I am angry at my ex slightly for making promises that she probably knew wouldnt work out. And for me telling her many times i didnt think she was happy but she assured me she was but, I think she honestly wanted it to work out. I did everything I could to make her happy but her happiness is not down to me. I love her and i wish we were a better match and i will miss her or a LONG time but i seriously hope she finds true happiness and i do too. I won't lie and say if she got into a relationship i wouldnt be devastated but when i am indifferent toward her im sure i will be happy for her and wish her well. I wish her well now but im not over her. Stay strong and positive, dont hide from your feelings, process them and go through the stages and remember you will get that chance to have that amazing honeymoon period in a relationship again and maybe again after that, if you had stayed in your relationship that is something that you never get to experience again hardly ever and that is one of the best feelings in the world i think. Good luck 1
Author EDR88 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I've never even had a relationship last that long to know what it feels like but I'll say I feel like hell over the loss of a 2 year relationship so for you, and everyone else on these forums who get tossed out of 5 and 10 year relationships, you are all much tougher and inspirational people than I'll ever be. It's like being at the gym and struggling with 25lbs and you look over your shoulder and watch someone throwing around 500lbs like a rag doll. You're stronger than you know and you will get where you need to be in time. Be proud of having a long term relationship with someone because there are people like me who are so abrasive that people never stay for longer than a year or two lol. Sorry to hear about the end of you're relationship. It really sucks doesn't it. And thank you for your kind words. 2 years is still a long time to be with someone. I remember when my previous girlfriend broke up with me after about 1 year of being together, I remember being just as hurt as I am now. Although strangely in a different way...I guess she was my first girlfriend and I didn't know what to expect or how to deal with it when she ended it. I handled it pretty badly. I don't think how long you've been with someone necessarily dictates how bad you'll feel when it finishes...I guess it's just about how strongly you felt about that person. People do say that how long a relationship was may affect how long it takes to get over it however...
Author EDR88 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 You'll have all those things back in your next relationship! All that great-feeling relationship stuff you love and miss so much comes with every relationship you have...... the in-jokes are different, some of the details change..... The good news is, the next time you have that wonderful feeling of closeness, it'll be with a new girl who will WANT to be with you. Much, much better! Keep posting, keep strong. You're doing GREAT! Thank you for your reply. I do know eventually I'l get over it and have all these things with someone new, its just so hard to see it right now. At this moment in time I don't want it with anyone else. Just want to be with her. Just want her to want me...I know it will get better with time. I don't think I can handle this for the next 6 months or however long its gonna take!
Author EDR88 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I feel for you but at the moment you are looking at all the good things you remember and what you are missing, this is very normal and i assume EVERYONE does this to some extent. When you have planned your future or even thought about it to yourself where your life will go and it doesnt go that way it is hard to let go so these feelings are very normal. Now I know everyone says it but ask yourself this, Is it really 4 years wasted? Did you not have good times? I don't see it as a waste unless you where putting yourself through stress for all of the time, I see it as an experience. I miss my gilfriend like crazy, BUT i know that it could probably never be that way again, once someone has made up their mind to leave they create lots of ways to justify this to themselves, even though they don't have to. It is their life and they deserve whatever will make them happy as do you too. I look at it this way and i think it would be a good way for you to view it too. I was quite happy in the relationship for the most part but for whatever reasons she wasn't and it ended, I wouldnt want to be in a relationship were we were constantly trying to make each other happy (of course you do compromise and do things for the person you love but if you are doing it and its a constant battle it isnt meant to be) Would you be happy getting back into a relationship with someone who you knew there heart wasnt fully in it? do you not deserve someone who feels the same? Don't settle for anything and don't think that it is a personal thing toward you. I am angry at my ex slightly for making promises that she probably knew wouldnt work out. And for me telling her many times i didnt think she was happy but she assured me she was but, I think she honestly wanted it to work out. I did everything I could to make her happy but her happiness is not down to me. I love her and i wish we were a better match and i will miss her or a LONG time but i seriously hope she finds true happiness and i do too. I won't lie and say if she got into a relationship i wouldnt be devastated but when i am indifferent toward her im sure i will be happy for her and wish her well. I wish her well now but im not over her. Stay strong and positive, dont hide from your feelings, process them and go through the stages and remember you will get that chance to have that amazing honeymoon period in a relationship again and maybe again after that, if you had stayed in your relationship that is something that you never get to experience again hardly ever and that is one of the best feelings in the world i think. Good luck Hi, I am sorry to hear about your break up. I hope you feel better soon. No, I don't think the last 4.5 years were wasted really...We had a great time together and hopefully one day I'l look back with fond memories. But that's partly why I feel so awful about it all at the moment. I know she truly felt she loved me for the best part of 4 years. We had a really good relationship that all our friends admired. We rarely argued, cared so much for each other, never tried to hurt each other, always had a fun when we went out etc...but her feelings toward me just changed and she couldn't help it. I think it's a case of the infamous GIGs everyone here keeps talking about. But I agree with you, I don't want to be in a relationship with her if her heart isn't fully in it. I just wish that it was. Its so sad that something that was once so good is now over and can never be the same. Good luck to you too.
Recommended Posts