capable of love?

[xpaperxcutx]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of love. I have never loved anyone inconditionally minus those closest and dearest to me but I have been told that kind of love differs from " emotional" love.

I believe that in order to love you must first have "self love". While mine waxes abd wanes I have come a long way since those days of hating myself abd low self ezteem. But I am aware that I have a barrier up and it scares me. At times I find myself incredibly cynical and sarcastic towards others and relationships have soured because of my self imposed defense mechanism.

Foe those who are in loving relationships and were in loving relationship s how did you allow yourself to love another unconditionally? ?

[Els]

I don't think any sort of relationship, except that of parent-child, involves 'unconditional' love. In fact, that is probably healthy. Sure, some people take conditions to an unhealthy extreme, launching at every problem they encounter. But others have healthy conditions for love. Such as being loved and cared for in return, and loyalty and honesty from the one they love.

[MrCastle]

I've never been in love. I believe it exists? But not exactly sure in what form? There are too many questions regarding love.

 

Is it one of those things where as soon as you lay eyes on someone, you just *know*?

 

Is it something that starts out slow and grows over time?

 

Is it finding your perfect match or finding someone with flaws (we all have them) and forgiving them of their flaws and sticking with them anyway?

 

Are there different types of love like the ones I've mentioned or is there only one kind of love?

 

I believe I'm capable of loving someone; if I met someone worth falling in love for. I'm open to the idea but I'm not actively looking for it.

[6ft180natl]

I don't understand when people say they have never been in love.

I know some people convince themselves that after a relationship or situation doesn't work out what they felt must not have been love or else it would have worked. Is that why some people say they have never been in love?

 

If you have never been in love have you ever been infatuated with someone? Or been very emotional about someone you looked at in a romantic way?

 

Unless some people just don't feel emotions anywhere near the same way I do I don't really understand that statement...or maybe those saying that are really young?

[MrCastle]

I don't understand when people say they have never been in love.

I know some people convince themselves that after a relationship or situation doesn't work out what they felt must not have been love or else it would have worked. Is that why some people say they have never been in love?

 

If you have never been in love have you ever been infatuated with someone? Or been very emotional about someone you looked at in a romantic way?

 

Unless some people just don't feel emotions anywhere near the same way I do I don't really understand that statement...or maybe those saying that are really young?

 

I'm 24 and I live the single life.

 

I can honestly say I've never been in love.

 

Lust? Sure. Doing stupid things in the name of physical/sexual attraction? Sure.

 

Going to bed with a certain someone on my mind? Sure.

 

Loving someone? No.

 

Love is a very strong word to me. And a very strong feeling. Something I've never felt for a dating prospect.

[6ft180natl]

Well its kind of tricky because imo if you have cared about someone for whom you also felt lust for then you pretty much have experienced love.

There isn't really a magic level above attraction mixed with attachment and general care for that persons well being in my opinion.

 

At the same time I know what you mean because for me sometimes these feelings have come too early and I don't consider it actual love if I don't completely know the person yet because the person I care for is the mask that the person puts on for the public and I don't know the real woman yet. Still once I do get to know her flaws and all and still care for her and feel attraction and attachment then I would say that is pretty much the same feeling as love.

 

Just that love has different levels as far as strength but these feelings continually fluctuate all the time.

[6ft180natl]

All that to say basically if you are waiting for some magical feeling completely different than what you have experienced before you may be disappointed.

[Emilia]

I don't think any sort of relationship, except that of parent-child, involves 'unconditional' love. In fact, that is probably healthy. Sure, some people take conditions to an unhealthy extreme, launching at every problem they encounter. But others have healthy conditions for love. Such as being loved and cared for in return, and loyalty and honesty from the one they love.

 

Unconditional love is not the same as unconditionally accepting someone. When you really love a person you can't just switch it off because they do something that hurts or upsets you. You may walk because you can't be in a relationship but that doesn't mean you stop loving them necessarily.

 

I've experienced unconditional love about twice in my life so far and I'm glad I have done because it isn't how I was raised unfortunately. Love in our family was always very much conditional - except with my sister.

[MrCastle]

Well its kind of tricky because imo if you have cared about someone for whom you also felt lust for then you pretty much have experienced love.

There isn't really a magic level above attraction mixed with attachment and general care for that persons well being in my opinion.

 

At the same time I know what you mean because for me sometimes these feelings have come too early and I don't consider it actual love if I don't completely know the person yet because the person I care for is the mask that the person puts on for the public and I don't know the real woman yet. Still once I do get to know her flaws and all and still care for her and feel attraction and attachment then I would say that is pretty much the same feeling as love.

 

Just that love has different levels as far as strength but these feelings continually fluctuate all the time.

 

I don't know. I find myself looking back and saying, if she wasn't hot, would I have done xyz for her? If she didn't have a killer body, would I be thinking of her at night as I lay in bed?

 

The answer is always no.

 

When someone does something to kill the vibe we had going, I next them. I would assume, when you're in love, you look past those speedbumps and keep pushing through because you feel, even though you've hit a rough patch, you still care for this person.

 

I don't get those feelings.

[kaylan]

Theres your problem bro.

 

Ones ability to love someone or do "x, y, and z" for them shouldnt be predicated simply on looks. The total package should compel such emotions. Maybe youll get there, maybe you wont....but loving someone is definitely more than how hot they are.

[MrCastle]

Theres your problem bro.

 

Ones ability to love someone or do "x, y, and z" for them shouldnt be predicated simply on looks. The total package should compel such emotions. Maybe youll get there, maybe you wont....but loving someone is definitely more than how hot they are.

 

That's what i'm saying. I've never been in love and would never call what I do being in love. I agree with your entire post

[kaylan]

Its good that you are so self aware about your emotions and at the same time aren't worrying about having not been in love yet. Loves a rare thing, and its better to just walk through life without wondering when its coming or why you never had it. (that parts for you OP). Just grow and get to know yourself better.

 

Hey man, Im a year older than you and out of all the women Ive met or gotten to know, Ive been in love twice. Hell, Id like to say once because I think the first girl was more of my stupid teenage naivety and I didnt have much knowledge of what I was feeling at the time. So sometimes I wonder if I was just in infatuation mode. My last ex, the second chick I loved, I know without a shadow of a doubt that everything was sure and real.

 

But given its only happened to me twice, and given how rare it is you meet someone youll click with in such a way that you can fall in love...then Id say youre on the right track. This stuff can be such a crap shoot. And as I said, its good you arent worrying about it.

[LittlePrince]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of love. I have never loved anyone inconditionally minus those closest and dearest to me but I have been told that kind of love differs from " emotional" love.

I believe that in order to love you must first have "self love". While mine waxes abd wanes I have come a long way since those days of hating myself abd low self ezteem. But I am aware that I have a barrier up and it scares me. At times I find myself incredibly cynical and sarcastic towards others and relationships have soured because of my self imposed defense mechanism.

Foe those who are in loving relationships and were in loving relationship s how did you allow yourself to love another unconditionally? ?

No one unconditionally loves themselves. Maybe that is why unconditional love doesn't exist.

[MrCastle]

Its good that you are so self aware about your emotions and at the same time aren't worrying about having not been in love yet. Loves a rare thing, and its better to just walk through life without wondering when its coming or why you never had it. (that parts for you OP). Just grow and get to know yourself better.

 

Hey man, Im a year older than you and out of all the women Ive met or gotten to know, Ive been in love twice. Hell, Id like to say once because I think the first girl was more of my stupid teenage naivety and I didnt have much knowledge of what I was feeling at the time. So sometimes I wonder if I was just in infatuation mode. My last ex, the second chick I loved, I know without a shadow of a doubt that everything was sure and real.

 

But given its only happened to me twice, and given how rare it is you meet someone youll click with in such a way that you can fall in love...then Id say youre on the right track. This stuff can be such a crap shoot. And as I said, its good you arent worrying about it.

 

Yeah I'm not actively looking to fall in love. When it happens it happens.

 

I will also say that love is more about the interaction between the two people. You can do all these things for the other person, sacrifice, bend over backwards, expose yourself, leave yourself vulnerable, but if none of that is reciprocated, it's not love. You're just infatuated. Love is reciprocated in my opinion.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Well, OP, you are quite young. I would be surprised if you really are incapable of love. It does sound like you expend a tremendous amount of emotional energy in questionable places, by choice. If you want to experience real love, you might want to let go of doing that. It's a waste.