supermanthatho Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Going out for 3 yrs She had a miscarriage and after that she totally changed shes flipped as in shes insecure then she left me a month after the miscarriage and we have been broken up for a month I want her back but i want the girl i knew back. Im not sure if shes banging someone else to make herself feel that closeness to make herself feel temporary better bout herself. Is this normal? Is this even ok? She assures me shes not banging or hooking up with anyone and doesnt want any guys right now that she just wants time apart so she can concentrate on herself. I askd if theres a chance well get back together she just says not at this time e right now. I dunno what to do im tryin to move on. I have all these negative thoughts in my head. If she has banged around then realizes shes done bad and wants me back is that even ok to have her back?
wilsonx Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Thank god she had a miscarriage. Same result would have happened even if she had a kid. While its difficult to understand right now, consider yourself lucky
Balzac Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 The problem you'll likely face is her with a new pregnancy. Be glad you are outta her life. Stay away and don't look back. Sorry this happened to you. Condolences on the loss of your pregnancy. Lots for you to grieve now.
jdids247 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Just as wilsonx stated, she would have acted like this even if the child was born. Same thing happened to me and we were in a 6 year relationship. She miscarried and everything was different. Just like you said, a switch flipped. Its going to be hard to realize now but its for the best...she isn't going to be the same person anymore
jdids247 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I should note too, that was a very hard thing for us to deal with. I understand what pain you both are going through. I know you don't think this now, and I never thought this right away after the breakup, but she did you a favor. You don't want to be with someone who runs when the going gets tough. A miscarriage should bring you two closer in your relationship, not tear you apart. Like I said in my earlier post, I was in the same boat as you. My ex-fiance did the same things. I suspected she was cheating. What they're doing right now is trying to get their minds off of their loss and their way of coping is to try to occupy their minds. At one point in time they'll need to greive or they'll just be tormenting themselves. 5 months after my ex's miscarriage, she still wasn't herself even after the hormones subsided and she still isn't herself almost a year later. As hard as it is to think right now, she did you a favor. Find someone who is as emotionally mature as you are who you can grow with through pain and tragedy. Otherwise it will be a long hard ride if only one person can be that way in the relationship. 1
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Thank god she had a miscarriage. ....really ? Dude.. show some compassion, have you ever lost a child to miscarriage ?
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 supermanthatho.. Take her at her word. She says there isn't any chance of reconciling and look at your own words realistically.. you said you want the old girl back.. She no longer exists. Having a miscarriage not only changed you but it also changed her, maybe she is running from the pain, there is no way to know why she is running. The best thing I could say is that you need to take care of yourself.. eat right and go out with friends right now. Things will slowly get better. Take care... 1
Plan 9 from OS Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I wouldn't be so sure that the GF would have changed this much if the pregnancy would have progressed normally. I think she is mourning the loss of a child and my possibly feel that there is something wrong with her because she couldn't carry a pregnancy to full term. IMO, this situation has nothing to do with a wayward heart nor is it an indication that she has the potential to check out of a marriage/relationship at the drop of a hat. I think she is in deep mourning over the loss of the child. 3
jdids247 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I wouldn't be so sure that the GF would have changed this much if the pregnancy would have progressed normally. I think she is mourning the loss of a child and my possibly feel that there is something wrong with her because she couldn't carry a pregnancy to full term. IMO, this situation has nothing to do with a wayward heart nor is it an indication that she has the potential to check out of a marriage/relationship at the drop of a hat. I think she is in deep mourning over the loss of the child. I agree with you to a certain degree, Plan 9. I firmly believe my ex had some mental health issues. Certain things would trigger depression, anxiety, or odd behavior throughout the relationship. She would run away from any sort of stress of pain and the miscarriage was no exception. The hormones always seemed to control her more than any other woman I have ever been involved with. I think even if she did have the child she would have had some sort of Post Partum Depression. I believe she is in mourning. It took me a long time to get over the loss of our child and reality really hit me when the due date approached. Her, on the other hand, just acted like nothing happened. Remember, each of us grieve differently. No way is right or wrong, but it's either healthy or unhealthy. I say that in the most loving way and not a bash to her at all. Her family has a long line of mental health issues and I think she tries to hide them by putting on a mask.
rAFC Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) I think what others are trying to say is that you should be glad this happened now instead of later. Imagine if she had your kid and changed like this, it would be a lot more difficult for you to move on than it is now. I agree that it sounds like Postpartum Depression, I've seen it first hand and have seen women run from great relationships very soon after the birth of a child for no obvious reason. Edited July 2, 2012 by rAFC
CopingGal Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Going out for 3 yrs She had a miscarriage and after that she totally changed shes flipped as in shes insecure then she left me a month after the miscarriage and we have been broken up for a month I want her back but i want the girl i knew back. Im not sure if shes banging someone else to make herself feel that closeness to make herself feel temporary better bout herself. Is this normal? Is this even ok? She assures me shes not banging or hooking up with anyone and doesnt want any guys right now that she just wants time apart so she can concentrate on herself. I askd if theres a chance well get back together she just says not at this time e right now. I dunno what to do im tryin to move on. I have all these negative thoughts in my head. If she has banged around then realizes shes done bad and wants me back is that even ok to have her back? It could be that she is in a great deal of pain...pain she may not be even to articulate yet. You could be a reminder of the baby that was lost, as I'm assuming it was your baby. For some women a miscarriage is like a death. She carried the baby inside of her, even if it was for one day. Now it's gone and with it the hopes and dreams she had for it. She just may feel lost right now. 3
Samilia Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Going out for 3 yrs She had a miscarriage and after that she totally changed shes flipped as in shes insecure then she left me a month after the miscarriage and we have been broken up for a month I want her back but i want the girl i knew back. Im not sure if shes banging someone else to make herself feel that closeness to make herself feel temporary better bout herself. Is this normal? Is this even ok? She assures me shes not banging or hooking up with anyone and doesnt want any guys right now that she just wants time apart so she can concentrate on herself. I askd if theres a chance well get back together she just says not at this time e right now. I dunno what to do im tryin to move on. I have all these negative thoughts in my head. If she has banged around then realizes shes done bad and wants me back is that even ok to have her back? A miscarriage is not to be swept under the rug, just because you couldn't hold a baby in your arms, it didn't make it any less real. I am assuming she took a blow when she lost the baby, my question is, where you there for her when she needed you or did you dismiss her pain? That could explain why she left. It could also have nothing to do with it, she found herself pregnant and had in mind to leave you before the pregnancy happened, she lost the baby, and left. I see you're wondering if she's "banging" someone else, personally I'd be wondering what's going through her mind right now after a loss, but not the possibility of another guy. 1
jdids247 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) A miscarriage is not to be swept under the rug, just because you couldn't hold a baby in your arms, it didn't make it any less real. I am assuming she took a blow when she lost the baby, my question is, where you there for her when she needed you or did you dismiss her pain? That could explain why she left. It could also have nothing to do with it, she found herself pregnant and had in mind to leave you before the pregnancy happened, she lost the baby, and left. I see you're wondering if she's "banging" someone else, personally I'd be wondering what's going through her mind right now after a loss, but not the possibility of another guy. I agree 100% with the first sentence. Unfortunately, the OP ex seems to be sweeping it under the rug by leaving. It's very possible she was thinking of leaving before. I found the miscarriage in my relationship magnified everything that was going wrong. We couldn't talk to each other afterwards and petty things became huge. I couldn't get her to grieve, instead she chose to sweep in under the rug and she untimately started to self destruct unfortunately. Did you notice any warning signs beforehand? How old are you two? I can honestly say the reason for our demise was due to stress, finding a home, depression of our loss and not giving 100% of our attention to each other. We started to go off the beaten path and were both too stubborn to admit our relationship was going down the drain. I was guilty of being more occupied with work and she was more worried about having fun....it was really a communication breakdown that turned into resentment. I did find she became more insecure and there were days I didn't think she knew what she was even talking about because a lot of the time her words made absolutely no sense. But that's my story... Sometimes events like these bring out different attitudes/personalities in people and, unfortunetly, it shapes them for better or for worse. Keep your head up and keep carrying on. Situations like these can change people unto someone unrecognizable. It's best to focus on you instead of what went wrong. As hard as that will be, it's truly the best thing you can do. She's moving forward and you need to heal as well. *EDIT* I'm not trying to hijack your thread by any means. Just letting you know that I've been in your shoes OP. Hopefully my experience can shed some light on your darkness. Edited July 2, 2012 by jdids247
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