villageman Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hey all, So my girlfriend broke up with me about 4 and a half months ago. We had dated for about 2 years before the breakup, and I thought she was an amazing girl. I've been going through the various stages that come after a breakup, and I'm definitely in a better place than right after the breakup, but in the last couple of weeks, I've been missing her like crazy again. I've had a couple of other longterm relationships breakup, but this one seems to be harder to get over. At this point after other breakups I think I was feeling better than I am now. At this point, in my mind, she's still pretty much irreplaceable, I can't even imagine dating someone else at this point. However, I know she's not coming back, so I know that I need to get over this. Just wondering, from other people's experiences, is 4 and a half months a normal amount of time to still be really missing someone after a 2 year relationship? Does getting older typically make this easier or worse to deal with? I'm 30 now, my other breakups were in my 20s, so maybe that's part of it? I have no idea. Anyway, just wondering what peoples' feedback is on how long is normal to feel bad about the end of a couple year relationship.
Balzac Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I think it often depends on historical time line of events to tell you the truth. What time of year the relationship began etc. I think it can be more intense and difficult at 30 because your expectations were likely more long term serious. Hoping she was THE girl. I'd say despite your prostetations, you are ready to get back out there. Nothing serious just date.
Chi townD Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Dude, you were dating her for 2 years! Four months is nothing. Hell, military folks are gone on deployments for a much longer time being away from their families! Give it time. Just take it one day at a time. 1
BlazePT Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hey all, So my girlfriend broke up with me about 4 and a half months ago. We had dated for about 2 years before the breakup, and I thought she was an amazing girl. I've been going through the various stages that come after a breakup, and I'm definitely in a better place than right after the breakup, but in the last couple of weeks, I've been missing her like crazy again. I've had a couple of other longterm relationships breakup, but this one seems to be harder to get over. At this point after other breakups I think I was feeling better than I am now. At this point, in my mind, she's still pretty much irreplaceable, I can't even imagine dating someone else at this point. However, I know she's not coming back, so I know that I need to get over this. Just wondering, from other people's experiences, is 4 and a half months a normal amount of time to still be really missing someone after a 2 year relationship? Does getting older typically make this easier or worse to deal with? I'm 30 now, my other breakups were in my 20s, so maybe that's part of it? I have no idea. Anyway, just wondering what peoples' feedback is on how long is normal to feel bad about the end of a couple year relationship. Yeah, it's normal. Don't worry about it. Maybe your past relationships didn't have as meaning as this one did. In fact, those relationships might have been useful to finding someone as good as you say your ex was. If that's the case, it will only get better from now on: you'll probably find someone who's even better than her. As Balzac said, you might also be a bit disappointed for being at your 30's and expecting this girl to be The one. Anyway, time will play a very important role now, but you can't rely on time alone. Focus on your life now and take it as a chance to improve yourself as a person, learning from whatever mistakes you might have made in this relationship. You'll get better, you'll see .
skyisfalling Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Im sorry your going through this. Our exes don't deserve the pain we put ourselves through.. I'm 30 and have been NC for a month and its getting somewhat better but still missing him. I see that your in so cal so am I..if you want a friend to vent to to keep your mind off let me know. Hang in there..unfortunately it only gets better with time
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I think it just takes as long as it takes. It depends on the nature of the relationship, how much of a torch you still hold for her, HOW you broke up, WHY you broke up, etc etc. It took me (literally) 6 years to get over my first love. And I only dated him officially for 9 months!!! After we broke up we did the FWB for a couple years, and we always flirted and remained in touch so that's why it dragged out as long as it did. I also thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread so no other guy measured up to him. I was with my last ex for almost three years. It's been two months since the split, NC the entire time, and I'm over him. Of course this is also the case because I've realized what a gigantic piece of sh*t he is, he's a liar, cheater, a phony phony, shallow, boring individual. I wiped my hands of him like he was nothing but crumbs, and it's done. Lol. I'm sure if he were so amazing, and I felt I could have done more to save the relationship, or have been a better person and it was my fault for the end, I'd be harboring a lot more feelings, and I would be clinging much more than I did at the end of us. I go to bed at night guilt free and his character flaws aren't my problem. So that's why this one was super easy to move on from. Maybe you should try to think of the bad aspects of the relationship. Instead of looking back with rose colored glasses, look at the reasons for the split. Focus on the fights, the bad times... it'll help you.
CopingGal Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 It might take at least a year to stop missing her, maybe two. Be strong.
Treasa Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 It really varies from person to person. It's never taken me longer than five weeks to get over someone, and one of my relationships lasted six years, and I was devastated when he broke things off. I think it's important to find out what you want to do with your life, what you want to be, what you want to accomplish, and then do those things.
mike588 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hey all, So my girlfriend broke up with me about 4 and a half months ago. We had dated for about 2 years before the breakup, and I thought she was an amazing girl. I've been going through the various stages that come after a breakup, and I'm definitely in a better place than right after the breakup, but in the last couple of weeks, I've been missing her like crazy again. I've had a couple of other longterm relationships breakup, but this one seems to be harder to get over. At this point after other breakups I think I was feeling better than I am now. At this point, in my mind, she's still pretty much irreplaceable, I can't even imagine dating someone else at this point. However, I know she's not coming back, so I know that I need to get over this. Just wondering, from other people's experiences, is 4 and a half months a normal amount of time to still be really missing someone after a 2 year relationship? Does getting older typically make this easier or worse to deal with? I'm 30 now, my other breakups were in my 20s, so maybe that's part of it? I have no idea. Anyway, just wondering what peoples' feedback is on how long is normal to feel bad about the end of a couple year relationship. My ex. g/f and I dated for about a year then she dumped me for her ex. We were friends many years ago (before dating) so hooking up with her again was comfortable for both of us. She dumped me in a very cruel way and I was devestated and betrayed. It took me 4 months just to be somewhat "normal" again. Each month got better now almost 1 year from the "dumping" I'm soooo over her and it doesn't bother me one bit. Yes I ocassionally think about her but it doesn't bring any pain or sadness. Six months after she dumped me (I went strict No Contact) she contacted me several times (emails) saying how sorry she was..how she regrets it...she was a jerk (her words). Hearing from her set me back about a week...it brought back and opened that awful wound but I recovered quickly. My advise to you is stay No Contact..keep moving foward and spoil yourself...do things that make you happy and better yourself. By the way...I'm older than you....I'm 44 Hang in there..it gets better every week/month.
hinatticus Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I'm just past the 4 month mark. 4.5 year relationship with a 23 month old mixed in. I feel better than before but feel like I'm in depressed stage right now. I'm 33 btw. I don't think I'll ever fully recover. Who knows tho.
Author villageman Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 Thanks for the comments everyone. Unfortunately, this breakup was almost totally one sided, there were very few things about her that I didn't like, or things she did that I didn't like, so I don't really have those to use as a way to get past this. She was pretty awesome, I was just immature, didn't treat her right and she eventually left. I think that's what's making this so hard... the feeling that it didn't have to be this way, if I'd known then what I know now. I guess I just need to give it more time.
mike588 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Thanks for the comments everyone. Unfortunately, this breakup was almost totally one sided, there were very few things about her that I didn't like, or things she did that I didn't like, so I don't really have those to use as a way to get past this. She was pretty awesome, I was just immature, didn't treat her right and she eventually left. I think that's what's making this so hard... the feeling that it didn't have to be this way, if I'd known then what I know now. I guess I just need to give it more time. It's wierd...you say you didn't treat her right so she left. I treated my ex. great!! I was there for her...took her out alot and made her feel special and appreciated etc. but she was still in love with her ex. who treated her like crap!! Guess she liked it and just had to go back. Seems like you can't win...treat them good and they leave...treat them bad and they leave.
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