wander1991 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hey, everyone. Haven't been on here for a long time and I decided that this might be a good place to ask for advice once again. There is this girl at work that I find attractive and man I cannot even kick her out of my mind. As scared as I was I did go over and introduce myself sometime this past week and talked to her last night after having a "should I or should I not" moment. Didn't talk much, but I found out she is single after a male friend of hers laughed at me for being so nervous when I spoke to her. Anyway, I really wanna ask her out on a date, this would be my first time ever doing so, but is it too early to do so? Any help would be appreciated. I just can't get her out of my mind and this time I want to try doing something instead of just sitting there and doing nothing for the past few girl crushes I had.
NYC-BigKat Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hey, everyone. Haven't been on here for a long time and I decided that this might be a good place to ask for advice once again. There is this girl at work that I find attractive and man I cannot even kick her out of my mind. As scared as I was I did go over and introduce myself sometime this past week and talked to her last night after having a "should I or should I not" moment. Didn't talk much, but I found out she is single after a male friend of hers laughed at me for being so nervous when I spoke to her. Anyway, I really wanna ask her out on a date, this would be my first time ever doing so, but is it too early to do so? Any help would be appreciated. I just can't get her out of my mind and this time I want to try doing something instead of just sitting there and doing nothing for the past few girl crushes I had. Um...just do it. I like eternal sunshine & I wanna get to know her. I hope she gives me a chance 'cause I really wanna try. I think u should do the same thing but be careful 'cause its at work & it can get kinda weird .
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Just ask her out. Make up your mind "This is what I'm going to do. This is how I'm going to do it." Man up. Don't beat around the bush with the feeling of "Do you like me?" in the air. Weak. She agrees, great! She doesn't, be fine with it immediately and never ask again. There are others. And you don't even know her faults yet. And trust me, she has them. Life's too short though, so go for it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) I don't really recommend dating people at work but since you seem to be in need of the practice I'd say this could be a good learning experience for you. Just tell yourself to be confident, don't the let the nerves control you...just decide once you start talking It's not time to be nervous, just make a move...If she's into you it's simple..she's going to say yes you're essentially just wasting time. Don't obsess over her and build her up to be some goddess then sit on your hands and not make a move, you gotta cut that out because women don't stay single and dateless forever. Just start with the general in office small talk... I'll make up a conversation for you...I'm going to make up her name for you! You: "Hey Big Bertha, how was your weekend?" Bertha: "Oh it was good, just taking care of my five kids from five different daddies, how was yours?" You: "Sounds sweet...I was wankin off thinking about you the entire weekend...anyway, would you like to go out sometime?" Bertha: "Sure, here's my number..." You: "Ok good, I'll give you in call " It doesn't have to be complicated or a build up, when you're more experienced you won't even have to really make it happen in any particular way you'll hopefully have learned how to flirt and be a little more personable and outgoing...it's best to socialize and interact with people whether male or female just to get used to the dynamic and social queues then you'll know how to roll with the punches. Until then try to keep it short and sweet or you'll get side-tracked or not find the right moment...just initiate the conversation, be confident instead of overly scared or nervous and ask her within a short period of time...the longer you take the more confusing and complicated it might get for you because she might not even suspect that you're about to ask her out...although since you're very nervous and probably shy it might seem obvious that you're making a play but don't worry about that there's an attractive quality to that as well...It's important for you to do it rather than chicken out, that's what counts. If she turns you down, she turns you down...don't sweat it, you tried just walk away respectfully and don't hold a grudge or feel bad about yourself. Edited July 2, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 1
tenspoons Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) Any help would be appreciated. I just can't get her out of my mind and this time I want to try doing something instead of just sitting there and doing nothing for the past few girl crushes I had. I know exactly where you are coming from man. I used to be that guy too. The thing that cracked my shell was actually finding a girl who asked me out, which made me see how easy it was and how small of a deal it actually is. All you have to do is drop hints/bait and see it she takes it. Just talk to her about an event you have been eyeing and if she seems interested in what you are talking about, she will probably say something like, "that sounds like fun", which is your cue to say, "yeah, I just wish I had someone to go with". If she likes you, then she might ask you if she can come along. If she is shy, or won't invite herself then you need to do the asking to be sure. you don't have to be formal and say "do you want to go out with me?", you can just say "wanna go!?". it puts less pressure, and it sounds more fun. Good luck Doc Edited July 2, 2012 by tenspoons
Author wander1991 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I have work tomorrow so if she is there I will try asking her if she wants to hangout. And thanks for making me lol, ninjainpajamas.
Author wander1991 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Well I'm gonna post a brief report on what went down today. I get to work and say hello to the girl and her friend and ask em what time they will stay until. Girl I wanted to date is leaving at 3:30pm which gives me around 4 hours to ask her out. Around an half an hour or so of when I start working, she comes near to my area and I decide to have some small talk to see what she is doing tomorrow. I find out she has no work and she'll be picking her university courses. great, seems good to me. Fast forward to around 1:55pm when I go on my fifteen minute break. I go up to her section, chat with a friend of hers and now mine then after that I proceed to ask the one I wanted to date if she wants to do something tomorrow. My heart wasn't racing at all or anything, but what I wanted to ask her didn't come out as perfectly as I wanted, however, I did get to ask her if she wanted to hangout. Well she replies with she is going to be picking her courses, then later says that she will be busy tomorrow night. I leave it at that pretty much because it could be true or not, but I wouldn't know if it is or not. Heck, I wasn't even sadden, but happy that I did attempt to ask her out or any girl for the first time in my life lol. At around 3:30pm, I am walking to my work section and she is coming in the opposite direction. Awkward moment for her and me which is what I told myself in my head. She happens to say goodnight and I reply back the same and happen to ask when she is working again(this is almost a habit) which is on Thursday like me. Sorry for the long story. I'm happy I gave it a shot, but saddened that I would not get to hangout tomorrow. A bud of mine said to ask again in a week or so until the third time and act not interested lol. I don't think I can play games but I would definitely ask her out again in a week. I'll try to have more discussions with her on Thursday. Now I want to ask what do you ladies and gentlemen think of the situation I'm in and if I still have a shot.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Didn't get the date, but it is still a good thing. You tried. So many never try and look back with anxiety and regret. You didn't. Hat's off to you. Now take a moment, learn from it, and find someone else that piques your interest. And have her come by work.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) Didn't work out for you...If she was interested in going out she would have suggested another time or seemed more interested. At this point you would just see If she strikes up more conversation with you or shows a little more interest, If things stay the same then It's better to just let that prospect go. But now you have the idea down, just try and now learn/observe a woman's body language when you speak with her to try and gauge interest. Shrug it off and try engaging more women on a regular basis, you'll get better at it and there's plenty of women out there you just might need to get out in the world a bit to do it. Edited July 4, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
mortensorchid Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I would say go for it, but I'm not. Because you work with her. Remember whatever does/doesn't go down between you and her will be taken to work. Even if do go out for a meal or drinks just the once, then you will not be able to escape her. It's not easy to have something fall apart with someone you work with, because you have no choice but to see her EVERY DAY if it allows.
Author wander1991 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 I appreciate everyone's responses. I still feel pretty good at the moment . Guess asking her out just lifted a lot off of my shoulders.
Dinbanks Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I agree with some of the other responses and advise you to just do it. You obviously have a lack of confidence issue in approaching your co-worker and that's fine. Just like anything else in life you want to get get good at, you have to practice practice practice. A lack of confidence in anything you are trying to do will kill whatever it is you are trying to do. I wrote an e-zine article on breaking the ice and the whole dating thing in general that may be helpful for you. Go to How To Date The Woman You Desire - Relationships - Dating
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