rocky Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 Hi everyone! I am in a bit of a stress really and need some help. I am 32 my wife is 28, we have 1 child aged 2 The reason i am in a bit of a stress is my wife and child have been on holiday for 2 weeks abroad with my wifes family, and fly back today. I am going to the airport to pick them up. I only got 1 very quick phone call to say hello early the first week, since then she did not bother. I had to have a mad search to try and find where they were staying exactly and a phone no, which i eventually did by absolute chance, / interenet search of hotels! and had a bit of a moan when she picked up the phone, my wife could not understand why i was stressed out! i mean 1 call in 2 weeks? for 5 mins? I have been a bit insecure for about 6 months, out of the blue 6 months ago my wife started going clubbing with her friends, then the mystery phone calls and text messages started etc etc, she of course denied everything, and to this day still does, then decides out of the blue to tell me she does not love me any more and is not attracted to me and is thinking about moving out, i was devestated as u can imagine, . I put it down to a mid life crisis sort of thing and tried to get over it. I consider myself a good father, i work hard, my wife is thouroughly spoilt with gifts, meals, and lots of romantic holidays to the carribean etc etc, i even saved and got her a boob job she was desperate for. I try to talk to her, but sometimes she does not want to listen, u know the score! now , what i i need help with is how do i approach her at the airport/ going home? do i explode about the lack of phone calls? you see to me this is like, ... she did not miss me, am i valued? or is she getting bored again? i am feeling rejected again. or do you have any hints on what i could say? girl speak? also I would like to make a fresh start in communicating with her, i do not tell her very often i love her, which is bad but it always seems awkward and comes out wrong, i want to be able to say it in a way a women likes to hear, in context to missing her too.... help! And you girls who have come back from holiday to your partner, have u any hints for me? what do u like to hear or have done for you? cheers guys!
TheOptimist Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 Originally posted by rocky I have been a bit insecure for about 6 months, out of the blue 6 months ago my wife started going clubbing with her friends, then the mystery phone calls and text messages started etc etc, she of course denied everything, and to this day still does, then decides out of the blue to tell me she does not love me any more and is not attracted to me and is thinking about moving out, i was devestated as u can imagine, . I put it down to a mid life crisis sort of thing and tried to get over it. Boy, you are in a critical spot. I think you will lose her, if you don't get professional counseling of the very-pro-active kind. She should not be "clubbing" without you right there with her. That's for single people looking for a mate. Those days are gone for both of you! This is marriage, man! This is it, forever. Now make it good, exciting, safe, & fun! You'd BETTER say I love you MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT AND WITH NOTES ON THE PILLOW AND NOTES IN HER CAR, AND NOTES IN HER LUNCH BAG. You'd better send flowers to her (work or someplace public) as soon as you feel like you just had a good day with her, or made love, or you are really getting along! (not just when you are sorry- that's weak and un-sexy) You'd BETTER ask her to tell you &/or write down with you the best things about being married. (all positive "count your blessings" kind of talk. NO Negative, NO complaints, let's list what we have going for us!) You will be lucky if she doesn't leave you this year!! I mean it, you bug the phone (don't tell her, just do it.) Bug the computer, and hire a Private Investigator if you don't think you can get the truth out of her. Now, with all that SOLID information (not feelings, but real words and text and PI reports that you have seen and heard) go see the Professional Counselor and plan your strategy to keep her. It's a very delicate place you both are at. Seven year itch stuff, mid-life crisis stuff, second thoughts stuff, that should NOT EVEN BE GOING ON in her mind or your mind! You must change her attitude and her thoughts. Take her out to eat. Take her away for a surprise treat get-a-way... We have to guard our thoughts and that's why nothing negative! Just both of you list or speak the positive things you two have together. Brag about her to her friends, her family, tell them what you love about her (it'll get back to her and be a good thing) Good luck! Take ACTION as soon as you can, and in every way that you can! 1st thing you CAN do, right away is have flowers waiting to give her at the airport! Tell her you love her, and put a big "WELCOME HOME HONEY" sign in the house or on the house! Maybe even a sign in the yard "Welcome home ..."
romme22 Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 Yeah, that's just what I'd want coming home from the airport, to get bitched at about not calling. She's probably expecting you do that. If I were you I'd be really pissed about the not calling stuff and would probably feel just as insecure about the stuff she told you but I'd definitely wait to bring it up. At least let her settle in a bit before talking about it. Eventually you can talk about the lack of calls but if she's thinking about getting out, yelling at her about phone calls is going to help her along. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, give her some reason to be happy to be home, not a fight right out of the gate. Why not play it cool and act like you missed her and tell her you love her. Tell her about your week, but ask her about her time away and be interested in what she has to say. Don't ask her how many clubs she went to or what people she was with even though you'll be dying to know. Again, if you start asking her and sounding like your fishing for information, she'll know it and just clam up and be on the defensive. Be happy to see her but don't smother her either, act for the moment like nothing is bothering you. Biggest thing in my wife's opinion is make sure your place is clean and inviting for when she gets home, nothing worse than coming home to a mess and would definitly put her in a bad mood immediately. At times I think women like the notes, flowers romance and all, but if it's too much it feels smothering and makes you look desperate and needy, don't over do it. Most women that I know like strong independent men and don't want to have to babysit. Best of luck, Rom
LatsyrcSC Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 I probably wouldn't start off by bitching for sure. I'd probably look her in the eye and tell her how much you missed her. Kinda approach the subject in a more compassionate way, then an aggressive way. Don't be like, why the hell didn't you call me I've been worried. Be like I missed you so much..and wish we could have spoken more. That way you get your point across without coming off as an a**h***, but may even make her feel a bit guilty. The whole clubbing thing and text messages and stuff.......doesn't sound good.
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