mysterygirl Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 So I was dating this guy for a short time- about 2 months. I stupidly (very very stupidly) lent him $5000 to pay off some debt. I know that it was a huge mistake and I feel like an idiot. I think about it every day what I stupid decision it was. I'm way smarter than this 99% of the time. I was at a very bad point in my life, very depressed, and I was convinced he really did love me. I think maybe I had falsely convinced myself that it was a good investment and that I found real love. Now going past the dumb move I made, I need your advice. When I gave him this loan, I drew up a contract and had him sign it. I lent him the money at the beginning of April. He was supposed to start making payments to me at the end of April and have it all paid off by the end of July. All of this was in the contract that we both signed. He is also supposed to be getting a large sum of money at the end of August (about $12000) but it is not a sure thing yet. To this day he has only given me $19.40 and I practically had to beg for it. We have been communicating over email because he tends to get very verbally abusive over the phone. Also, I can use emails as evidence if I take it to court. He has come up with every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay me back and thinks I am being unreasonable for even asking on a regular basis. I have threatened to take him to small claims court (Ontario) but every time I do, he says he will just go bankrupt because he has some other debt too. He begs and begs for me not to do it and that he will give me something, but it results in him just not paying me again. So my questions are: Should I just take him to small claims anyway or wait for this large pay out? Can you take someone to small claims court after they have been discharged from bankruptcy? I really don't know what to do and I don't think I am ready to accept the fact that I may never get the money. Has anyone ever been in this situation? What did you do? Any advice is appreciated. Please do not make comments about how I shouldn't have lent him the money in the first place. I obviously already know it was the stupidest move I've ever made, so I don't need anyone to reinforce it for me- please and thank you.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 So I was dating this guy for a short time- about 2 months. I stupidly (very very stupidly) lent him $5000 to pay off some debt. I know that it was a huge mistake and I feel like an idiot. I think about it every day what I stupid decision it was. I'm way smarter than this 99% of the time. I was at a very bad point in my life, very depressed, and I was convinced he really did love me. I think maybe I had falsely convinced myself that it was a good investment and that I found real love. Now going past the dumb move I made, I need your advice. When I gave him this loan, I drew up a contract and had him sign it. I lent him the money at the beginning of April. He was supposed to start making payments to me at the end of April and have it all paid off by the end of July. All of this was in the contract that we both signed. He is also supposed to be getting a large sum of money at the end of August (about $12000) but it is not a sure thing yet. To this day he has only given me $19.40 and I practically had to beg for it. We have been communicating over email because he tends to get very verbally abusive over the phone. Also, I can use emails as evidence if I take it to court. He has come up with every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay me back and thinks I am being unreasonable for even asking on a regular basis. I have threatened to take him to small claims court (Ontario) but every time I do, he says he will just go bankrupt because he has some other debt too. He begs and begs for me not to do it and that he will give me something, but it results in him just not paying me again. So my questions are: Should I just take him to small claims anyway or wait for this large pay out? Can you take someone to small claims court after they have been discharged from bankruptcy? I really don't know what to do and I don't think I am ready to accept the fact that I may never get the money. Has anyone ever been in this situation? What did you do? Any advice is appreciated. Please do not make comments about how I shouldn't have lent him the money in the first place. I obviously already know it was the stupidest move I've ever made, so I don't need anyone to reinforce it for me- please and thank you. Since you were cogent enough to have a contract signed, you got his ass dead to rights. You have nothing to worry about. Give him until the end of the summer to show progress in his payments. If not, you know the rest.
Author mysterygirl Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I have 7 copies of the contract- ha ha. I also have all of the emails we exchanged as evidence that he broke the contract. What about the bankruptcy thing though? Will that screw me over? I'm pretty sure you can't enforce a judgement on someone who is bankrupt.
Sanman Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I am not a lawyer. My best advice is to seek the counsel of one ASAP as this is a matter of federal and state law and may vary. However, my suggestion is this. This guy does not seem like he can get bankruptcy papers together quickly and they will not be processed immediately. If you can manage to arrange it so that your case is heard right before he receives said large sum of money and before he declares bankruptcy, then they may just garnish the money from his windfall directly. Also, he may be bluffing or not be educated about declaring as it is not a pleasant process.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Expect to never see the money. That's what you get when you lend to family or friends. Should have told him,"Do I look like a bank? You better get yourself to a bank if you need a loan."
Author mysterygirl Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Expect to never see the money. That's what you get when you lend to family or friends. Should have told him,"Do I look like a bank? You better get yourself to a bank if you need a loan." Yes I realize this is what I should have done initially. As stated in my post above, I'm only looking for advice as to what to do now as opposed to being scolded for my decision. I've already done that to myself enough times- thanks.
CarrieT Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 First, send him a certified/registered letter of Demand for repayment. Give him a very specific amount of time to make a payment or threaten Small Claims court. Write this letter in a VERY business-like fashion; no emotions, no recriminations, and no reference to the past relationship. Then, when no payment is forthcoming, go through with the lawsuit. "It's not personal - it's business." 1
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Yes I realize this is what I should have done initially. As stated in my post above, I'm only looking for advice as to what to do now as opposed to being scolded for my decision. I've already done that to myself enough times- thanks. You can get a part time job to earn the money back.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 you have a signed contract. he missed that fact. People have signed contracts with credit card companies and banks yet get out of their loans without paying. The contract means nothing. The paper you printed it on was worth more.
mortensorchid Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 BIG MISTAKE you made, but you already knew that at this point. Men borrow money from banks not girlfriends. The fact that you drew up a contract is a good thing, but do not expect to see any of that money back unless you get a lawyer into it. It's a sticky situation to be sure, good luck on getting any of it back at this point.
ascendotum Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 So my questions are: Should I just take him to small claims anyway or wait for this large pay out? Can you take someone to small claims court after they have been discharged from bankruptcy? I gather this guy is an ex bf now. I think you should get legal advice too. If you don't want to chuck good money after bad, then try get in at a free legal aid centre. You are in a good position legally, and will only be screwed over if he goes bankrupt. Declaring bankruptcy is no small thing, and will be on his record for life. Hardly worth it for 5g but you dont know what his other debt is. (the 12g may be given to them first by him) I'd be pissed off that he can't even make minimal payments, without a good reason, and I'd be inclined to start the ball rolling (ie registered letter of demand) as the legal system does not move fast generally.
FitChick Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Declaring bankruptcy is no small thing, and will be on his record for life. In the UK maybe but not in the US, where it is seven years, I think. Not sure what it is in Canada, where the OP is from. Bottom line: if he doesn't have the money now or later, you can sue him all you want and you won't get anything. The best way to avoid this angst in the future, for anyone, is to give the money as a gift and forget about it.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 The best way to avoid this angst in the future, for anyone, is to give the money as a gift and forget about it. That is how you should see all loans to family or friends because that's what they'll end up being.
YellowShark Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 1) Contact a lawyer ASAP and find out what your legal options are. 2) He doesn't intend to pay you back. Never did. He conned you. 3) His threat to file for bankrupsy is proof that he doesn't intend to pay you back. He would rather do that than throw you even $100.00. Consider this a $5000.00 lesson.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 He doesn't intend to pay you back. Never did. He conned you. That would be true if he was a grifter but they typically skip town after the scam rather than staying around.
YellowShark Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 That would be true if he was a grifter but they typically skip town after the scam rather than staying around. You watch too many movies.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 You watch too many movies. You would need to be a Bernie Madoff type to get away with staying. He doesn't sound like he's that good. It is more believable that he thought he was going to be able to pay her but people who have trouble paying continue to have trouble paying. The hole just gets deeper and that becomes their life, an ever widening and deepening chasm.
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 So I was dating this guy for a short time- about 2 months. I stupidly (very very stupidly) lent him $5000 to pay off some debt. I know that it was a huge mistake and I feel like an idiot. I think about it every day what I stupid decision it was. I'm way smarter than this 99% of the time. I was at a very bad point in my life, very depressed, and I was convinced he really did love me. I think maybe I had falsely convinced myself that it was a good investment and that I found real love. Now going past the dumb move I made, I need your advice. When I gave him this loan, I drew up a contract and had him sign it. I lent him the money at the beginning of April. He was supposed to start making payments to me at the end of April and have it all paid off by the end of July. All of this was in the contract that we both signed. He is also supposed to be getting a large sum of money at the end of August (about $12000) but it is not a sure thing yet. To this day he has only given me $19.40 and I practically had to beg for it. We have been communicating over email because he tends to get very verbally abusive over the phone. Also, I can use emails as evidence if I take it to court. He has come up with every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay me back and thinks I am being unreasonable for even asking on a regular basis. I have threatened to take him to small claims court (Ontario) but every time I do, he says he will just go bankrupt because he has some other debt too. He begs and begs for me not to do it and that he will give me something, but it results in him just not paying me again. So my questions are: Should I just take him to small claims anyway or wait for this large pay out? Can you take someone to small claims court after they have been discharged from bankruptcy? I really don't know what to do and I don't think I am ready to accept the fact that I may never get the money. Has anyone ever been in this situation? What did you do? Any advice is appreciated. Please do not make comments about how I shouldn't have lent him the money in the first place. I obviously already know it was the stupidest move I've ever made, so I don't need anyone to reinforce it for me- please and thank you. It sucks that vulnerable people get done over.......it pisses me off that kind people get used.....it is not in societies interest when these predators get away with it......He basically took advantage of you.....you have the contracts good for you.....and you probably aren't the first or the last.....there's this case i read about a guy who was scamming more than a couple of women at once..... one woman lost everything and i mean everything......and I am sure many told her "told you so, you should have listened"......which really is pointless ....you dont kick a person when they are down....thats just plain mean.....seek legal aid whether you win or lose.....you may never see your money again....take him to court......talk to a free legal aid service about the scam artist.....and what legal recourse you have.....even if you get nothing maybe it might make the walking penis think twice about scamming the next woman...hugs to ya...deb
curlygirl40 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I'm also assuming he's actually an X right now. I wouldn't contact him at all via the phone, since you said he gets verbally abusive. There's no reason. Like one of the other posters said, I would draft a very professional sounding letter, send it certified mail so he has to sign for it (then save the proof he received it). Maybe if something scares him he will do what he should do. Do you have any sort of legal aid near you? Or could you consult with an attorney who will quickly draft a letter on their letterhead and mail it certified mail? It's possible something like this will scare him into doing the right thing. You calling or e-mailing him has not worked in the past, so I think it's time to do the next step. I don't know enough aobut the legal/bankruptcy laws to give advice, but at this point, what have you got to lose? There's a good chance you're never going to see that money, so if you take the chance to sue him in small claims court and he discharges the debt in bankruptcy, you're right where you are now, minus the money it will cost you to bring that claim. I would do it out of principal.
FitChick Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 If you are going to send a letter, you are better off paying a small fee to a lawyer and having him send it. It's scarier.
Author mysterygirl Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks for all the replies everyone. It is much appreciated. Many of you have suggested to send him a registered letter asking for the money back. I did this back in May. It scared him for a little while, but it didn't really work. Also, he is definitely my ex boyfriend and I would never even consider dating him ever again. To me he is a deadbeat. With all of these responses I've decided that I have nothing to lose by filling out small claims court forms. I am doing it right now and serving him the papers tomorrow. I'm a little scared seeing him in person because he does tend to react explosively so I will see if it is possible to serve him in a public place, like the gym he goes to. Even if I don't get my money, I really just hope that no other woman will fall victim to this guy. I'd hate to see someone else be in this situation. It has been really tough taking on this extra debt because of some idiot boyfriend. If I can give anyone else advice reading this, it would be to never EVER lend anyone money unless you can afford to never see it again. Don't ever believe you are the exception to this rule like I did!
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