jeep1986 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Ok so i am new to the website and ive read tons of these things so i decided i would post one and try to be short. My my ex and i recently broke up of 6 months. the first thing which i should of caught this but when we got together she just got out of a 4 year engagement. the relationship was emothinally abusive toward her. he down graded her, no affection, fights, locked her out of thehouse really bad stuff. we were great friends awhile back and drifted away when i went to college and she started with him. we decided to try it out since we had a pretty good friendship. after 3 months we moved in together again bad mistake, but things were great until all the old bad memories started to haunt her of her ex and she was trying to hide them from me. she basically stopped showing affection and started acting depressed and i frantically tryed to figure out wat was going on and then after a couple fights she opened up and said that she hadnt dealt with the memories and feelings enough to be in another relationship. so basically we decided to give each other time to think if this is wat we want and of course she said that she really and truly wants to be with me but right now she needs to be alone and find herself and be happy with herself like she was wen we were just friends. she also has told me there isnt any other guy that she wants to be with. i treated her like any woman should be treated and nothing like her ex. so we broke up but basically she said that she wants to improve herself and find herself so she can love and b passionate again. then said that she really would like to try our relationship again once she has done that. she says she still cares for me and has feelings for me but wants to still b good friends and hangout while she is finding herself and that maybe chance could grow into a realitionship with me. so im confused on to wat to do. should i go no contact for like a month and then start answering her texts and slowing get back into a friendship that could turn into sumthing more, just be no contact and then once she figures it out go for the relationship or stay friends and b casual during our conversations and show her that i am there for her. this is really confusing and dont know what to do.
Samilia Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Ok so i am new to the website and ive read tons of these things so i decided i would post one and try to be short. My my ex and i recently broke up of 6 months. the first thing which i should of caught this but when we got together she just got out of a 4 year engagement. the relationship was emothinally abusive toward her. he down graded her, no affection, fights, locked her out of thehouse really bad stuff. we were great friends awhile back and drifted away when i went to college and she started with him. we decided to try it out since we had a pretty good friendship. after 3 months we moved in together again bad mistake, but things were great until all the old bad memories started to haunt her of her ex and she was trying to hide them from me. she basically stopped showing affection and started acting depressed and i frantically tryed to figure out wat was going on and then after a couple fights she opened up and said that she hadnt dealt with the memories and feelings enough to be in another relationship. so basically we decided to give each other time to think if this is wat we want and of course she said that she really and truly wants to be with me but right now she needs to be alone and find herself and be happy with herself like she was wen we were just friends. she also has told me there isnt any other guy that she wants to be with. i treated her like any woman should be treated and nothing like her ex. so we broke up but basically she said that she wants to improve herself and find herself so she can love and b passionate again. then said that she really would like to try our relationship again once she has done that. she says she still cares for me and has feelings for me but wants to still b good friends and hangout while she is finding herself and that maybe chance could grow into a realitionship with me. so im confused on to wat to do. should i go no contact for like a month and then start answering her texts and slowing get back into a friendship that could turn into sumthing more, just be no contact and then once she figures it out go for the relationship or stay friends and b casual during our conversations and show her that i am there for her. this is really confusing and dont know what to do. Hun, first.. paragraph your posts, it was hard for me to read I understand she has a bad past, but for me it has nothing to do with your break up. Nothing but the fact that your relationship probably was a rebound one. A lot of dumpers will tell you things like "it's not you it's me", "I need a break", "I still love you", or "let's be friends and see". You got the idea. What they really mean to say is that the relationship is over, they just don't want to feel guilty, hurt your feelings, etc.. I would start the no contact with her, I can tell you love her, but let's be clear, it's over. If one day she wakes up and finally feel "passionate" again, after some counselling to deal with her past maybe, she might come back to you, but I doubt it. Or at least I wouldn't put my life on hold. That's the feeling that I get from your story. 1
Ruby65 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 It sounds like she wants to take some time to be single so she can check and see what else is out there, while still having you on the back burner as a Plan B in case nothing else works out. I'd be shocked if there wasn't another guy she was thinking about. You deserve MUCH MUCH better than this. Go NC, cut her off and move on -- find someone who wants to be with you and only you!
Author jeep1986 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I kinda get that feeling to but the thing that is confusing is i decided to just give her like 4 days while we were still together and during that 4 days she contacted me like what ru doing, how r things stupid crap like that and i would always answer short. and leave it at that. then today when she did the breaking up part she kept asking questions and saying things like, ru mad, do u hate me, theres prolly not a chance in hell us getting back together now idk. Her past relationship was pretty screwed up and i know it has messed with her bad. i stay positive but you think the whole no contact thing is the best thing to do? let me mention i do want her back
Samilia Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Absolutely, the No contact is the way to go, either way. I know you don't want to go NC, probably scared that she'll go away for good, but that's the other around. If you stick around, she will go away for good. Be the one asking for the break, till she figures things out, that might "jump start " her, but don't get your hopes up. Not respecting NC is putting the final nail in the coffin.
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