Larry55 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I have a single, female friend/coworker whom I am very close to. I’ve known her for over six years. We work closely together and, while she knows that I have had feelings for her, we’ve only been friends and I have always assumed that is how she wanted it to be. We keep things very professional in the office and have never been flirty. We sometimes have lunch together. If the lunches were dates, they’d be amazing dates. We have great chemistry and we have always gotten along very well. We really enjoy each other’s company. We hug every once in a while, usually at then end of a lunch or if I walk her to her car after work. She left early today on a three week vacation and we met for lunch on Saturday. I was away from the office all of last week and I wanted to see her before she left. The lunch, as usual, was great. We talked for about two hours. She hugged me once when she got to the restaurant; put her arm around my shoulders briefly when we walked back to her car and hugged twice more before she got in her car and drove off. The last hug was pretty long. During the lunch, we accidentally bumped knees and I noticed that she didn’t move her knee away, so we kept knee contact for most of the time. She sometimes touches my arm when she talks and she did some of that today as well. What’s perplexing is she seemed to want to limit our friendship in the recent past. A few weeks ago, I offered to take her to the airport for this trip and she agreed. Last week, I emailed her to let her know my offer still stood. She wrote back to say it was “not appropriate for her to accept my offer” and she hoped I’d understand. I wrote back that I understood what she was saying and I hoped it wouldn’t affect our friendship, which is very important to me. She wrote back to say she meant this in terms of professionalism and if she meant anything else, she’d tell me. She’s said the same thing at least one other time. It seems to be implied that she didn’t mind me saying these things to her. My take is she is interested, but knows we need to keep this friendly for the foreseeable future because we work together and because I am in an LTR that hasn’t been working well for a long time. I think she doesn’t want to be the “other woman”, but at the same time has feelings for me. What do you think?
spiderowl Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Whether she has any feelings for you or not is pretty irrelevant. Not only are you a co-worker, which means any relationship could cause problems if it went wrong, but you are in a relationship. Of course she's not going to get involved with a guy in a relationship. You don't seem to see that as a barrier at all whereas she obviously does. She doesn't want to be the woman that broke up your relationship (though you seem to be the one who is trying to do this) or your stepping-stone out of a situation you seem unable to take yourself out of. She sounds a decent person.
NYC-BigKat Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I have a single, female friend/coworker whom I am very close to. I’ve known her for over six years. We work closely together and, while she knows that I have had feelings for her, we’ve only been friends and I have always assumed that is how she wanted it to be. We keep things very professional in the office and have never been flirty. We sometimes have lunch together. If the lunches were dates, they’d be amazing dates. We have great chemistry and we have always gotten along very well. We really enjoy each other’s company. We hug every once in a while, usually at then end of a lunch or if I walk her to her car after work. She left early today on a three week vacation and we met for lunch on Saturday. I was away from the office all of last week and I wanted to see her before she left. The lunch, as usual, was great. We talked for about two hours. She hugged me once when she got to the restaurant; put her arm around my shoulders briefly when we walked back to her car and hugged twice more before she got in her car and drove off. The last hug was pretty long. During the lunch, we accidentally bumped knees and I noticed that she didn’t move her knee away, so we kept knee contact for most of the time. She sometimes touches my arm when she talks and she did some of that today as well. What’s perplexing is she seemed to want to limit our friendship in the recent past. A few weeks ago, I offered to take her to the airport for this trip and she agreed. Last week, I emailed her to let her know my offer still stood. She wrote back to say it was “not appropriate for her to accept my offer” and she hoped I’d understand. I wrote back that I understood what she was saying and I hoped it wouldn’t affect our friendship, which is very important to me. She wrote back to say she meant this in terms of professionalism and if she meant anything else, she’d tell me. She’s said the same thing at least one other time. It seems to be implied that she didn’t mind me saying these things to her. My take is she is interested, but knows we need to keep this friendly for the foreseeable future because we work together and because I am in an LTR that hasn’t been working well for a long time. I think she doesn’t want to be the “other woman”, but at the same time has feelings for me. What do you think? Um...maybe she dont wanna mess up her job or something right? I think she does like u alot but working with u at the same time is super risky .
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