Goldie5 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 My bf was checking his fb yesterday while I was sitting next to him, and I noticed his ex girlfriend was one of the top people on his side chat bar though she wasn't online. She broke up with him 3.5 years ago after being together a few months. He has said before that he doesn't talk to her and doesn't have feelings for her anymore, but why else would she be on his chat bar?
january2011 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Why didn't you ask him that when you were sitting next to him? Seems like it would have been the most apt time to bring it up.
Author Goldie5 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Why didn't you ask him that when you were sitting next to him? Seems like it would have been the most apt time to bring it up. I pointed at her and said, "Why is your ex on there?" and he just shrugged and said he didn't know.
january2011 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Did you follow up with asking him if he'd been talking to her lately? I don't know your history, but if there's no other evidence to suggest that he's talking to her again, perhaps you need to file this away as something to monitor rather than something to get to the bottom of right now.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 January, how on earth is there no evidence he is talking to her again when she's on in his FB for one, then she's one of the top people on his chat bar? (not sure what that means, don't use FB much but assuming she does know), and supposedly he dated this girl 3.5 years ago for only two months yet miraculously is still in his life enough to have her on FB and talk to her...who does that with someone they NEVER talk to, never cared about, and was so long ago and short of a time that she supposedly have no impact on his life? Huge oversight of clear details that just do NOT add up. Really not putting this into the big picture, and on top of it he responds to her "I don't know" when she catches him off guard and he doesn't know how to reply...it was.. I can pretty much guarantee you without any doubt that he does in fact continuously talk to her and still has feelings for her...there's just no other reason to stay in contact with someone otherwise. You'll need to press him and ask more questions about her, you need to find out where your BF emotions are and lay, don't accept the stupid "I don't know" answers....tell him ninja says that you're not being truthful, you know why, you just don't want to say why! If he gets defensive then this is a clear indicator that he does have strong feelings, whenever a man defends things like a lion on a dead carcass you hit a nerve and there is more behind that door you should be worried...don't keep yourself naive and in the dark for the sake of the relationship, you need to find out where men stand...women are cunning and clever, use your head, ask questions under the radar that aren't so direct, don't stare at him like a possum in headlights climbing over a damn telephone pole wire looking at suspicious and crazy eyed....be nonchalant about it, expose maybe something from your past or bring up the conversation...most men are pretty stupid at picking things up and most have to be pressed for the truth but they will crack or at least give a good indicator of what they're trying to cover up....If a man doesn't want to talk at all then you know it's really bad, but don't stop until you find out more or the man could be emotionally unavailable. - I don't know what to tell you or how to lie to you at this point so I'll respond "I don't know" not... - I don't know truly why...I'm a stupid human being why do you ask such complicated question because I have no idea. Goldie, If your intuition is telling you he is talking to her there's a pretty damn good chance you're 100 percent correct even without this much evidence...with the evidence you pretty much have to be lying to yourself completely in order to overlook this one. Now...remember that men completely lie about things when the truth is not in their favor or they completely twist the truth, or they only give you half the truth which is the part that doesn't make them look or feel badly. The fact that you even know about this girl that supposedly ended this relationship 3.5 years ago that lasted two months is a huge indicator that this man is clearly lying about some things that he does not want to tell her and I suspect that she's been a side thing over the years...they've probably have some kind of emotionally/FWB kind of relatoinship...I don't know enough to say but there's something definitely going on there, I'm not going to speculate much because there are no details on that but I have feeling you are holding back a lot of info or at least you know more. 1
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 That's really all you're working with? That you saw her in the chat bar? Just to be sure, I went on to my Facebook and pulled up my chat bar. Do you know who's in the top spot? Some girl I met ONCE, that I spoke to ONCE well over a year ago and whom I haven't talked to since. The chat bar is NO indication of who you talk to on a frequent basis, nor is it any indication of who you've contacted the most.
mortensorchid Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Well that's not a big deal if one of his old gfs is one of his Facebook friends. I have a few old bfs on my Facebook, I talk to them (on chat or otherwise) once in a blue moon save for the most recent who I talk to fairly frequently. Doesn't mean I'm still WITH any of them.
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 January, how on earth is there no evidence he is talking to her again when she's on in his FB for one, then she's one of the top people on his chat bar? (not sure what that means, don't use FB much but assuming she does know), and supposedly he dated this girl 3.5 years ago for only two months yet miraculously is still in his life enough to have her on FB and talk to her...who does that with someone they NEVER talk to, never cared about, and was so long ago and short of a time that she supposedly have no impact on his life? You have placed FAR too much importance onto this. Since you clearly state that you don't know much about FB I'm not quite sure how qualified you are to make statements such as this. The chat bar does not keep a log of who you talk to most, or who you've contacted last. Having someone in your life via FB does not mean that they are currently active in your life now. FB is just that. FB. Do you know how many people I have on my friends list that I don't even talk to? And that I haven't in years? Some of these are old schoolmates, random college people, some of my friend's friends. Just because someone is on your FB list doesn't mean they're currently a real and active part of your life. I can pretty much guarantee you without any doubt that he does in fact continuously talk to her and still has feelings for her...there's just no other reason to stay in contact with someone otherwise. This is an incredibly ballsy statement. How can YOU "guarantee without any doubt that he does continuously talk to her and has feelings for her" ??? I'm really not quite sure where you're pulling this from, especially since your above FB statement is completely incorrect. I'm also kind of confused why you're completely ripping apart the fact that he said "I don't know" when you asked why she was there. If someone were to come look at my FB chat list, and ask me why the person that's at the top of my list was there, I would respond with, "I don't know" as well. Because I DON'T KNOW. I have no idea why the site decided to put her at the top, and I have no idea why the list constantly shifts, I just don't know. There is no hidden agenda to that answer.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I think she knows more than this or there's more to go off, that is my suspicion. If this was some random girl then how did she even know who to look for? how did she even know about this relationship? And.. If he never talked to her wouldn't he have said something along the lines of "Oh yeah, that's a girl I dated a long time ago at one time but we didn't work out and we added each other on FB and I don't even talk to her anymore" Plus the intentions that women have with the term "friends" can be entirely different than this mans agenda or feelings. If this is no big deal then he'll easily explain clear this up and he'll just be upfront and honest about it without any complication. 1
NateC Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Facebook's chat "order" is no indication of who've they have been talking to. My own list has people on it that I've never talked to before at the top. Don't look too far into it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) You have placed FAR too much importance onto this. Since you clearly state that you don't know much about FB I'm not quite sure how qualified you are to make statements such as this. The chat bar does not keep a log of who you talk to most, or who you've contacted last. Having someone in your life via FB does not mean that they are currently active in your life now. FB is just that. FB. Do you know how many people I have on my friends list that I don't even talk to? And that I haven't in years? Some of these are old schoolmates, random college people, some of my friend's friends. Just because someone is on your FB list doesn't mean they're currently a real and active part of your life. This is an incredibly ballsy statement. How can YOU "guarantee without any doubt that he does continuously talk to her and has feelings for her" ??? I'm really not quite sure where you're pulling this from, especially since your above FB statement is completely incorrect. Because I know the postures and I am a man myself, I know how men react and avoid conversations. Also, are you going to take the time to post a question on LS about a man talking to his ex If you really think that he's up to nothing? Sorry, I don't buy it as a man...I know far too much, I see a sequence of gestures here that indicate something entirely than what he was saying...I'm going off what she has said here and I feel confident in that assessment regardless of the fact that I know some people add just about anybody to FB... How many guys do you add to FB that you dated 3.5 years ago though that you dated for a few months that ended up breaking up with you? or better yet, how many guys do you know who's pride and egos would allow them to do that? What kind of man do you think is going to keep a woman around that supposedly he had no emotions for or intentions of being with? But go ahead...you tell me how men work She may have not have been on top of that list for any good reason...but I'm not considering one factor, I'm looking at how it's all coming together...that's just one element. If there is something wrong about what I'm saying, then she might provide more information to otherwise disprove that but I don't believe so with all of these elements put together unless she's absolutely crazy and over the top jealous. Edited July 2, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
Leigh 87 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 You can talk to an ex without wanting them back. My boyfriend talkes to his ex every month or less, via fb. He thinks VERy highly of his ex - because she actually is a really awesome girl. They met whilst travelling, travelled for about 4 months together, and had to go back to their home countries. They did not chose to leave one another, so he did not just stop liking her for a good year after they parted ways. My bf and his ex lost contact about a month before we met; she was doing a masters degree and parting every night and just did not have the time to write him; he would have kept in solid contact otherwise, if it were not for her being busy. So - my bf thinks very highly of his ex, for the person she is, and he never just got over her straight away, but was forced rather to stop his feelings. He maintains to me, that he has no feelings for her, and that she is just a really great person that was once in his life - and that he feels lie he barly knows her anymore. They still talk on facebook very sporadically - but it is possible for a guy to even still LIKE his ex a lot, and yet not have romantic feelings towards them.
Joaquin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Leigh, you sound a bit funny the way you talk about yf bf's ex. Almost like yr convincing yourself it's ok that he still thinks she is amazing and is in contact with her. U sure its healthy how he has somehow managed to normalise her in yr relationship and have u constantly compare yourself to her. Then u convince yourself how secure u are with it all.
ScienceGal Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Just chiming in on the chat bar point.. I have never chatted or exchanged personal messages with the top person on my list, or most of the others... And, it seems to be alphabetical order...
SJC2008 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I've only chatted a once for sure and mabye twice on facebook and with only on person. I just checked mine and there are 7 people on my list and the only one I talked to is number 6 on that list. I think it randomly populates a list. I do think Ninja is on to something in that she knew who it was and asked why is she there? Instead of who is that?.
serial muse Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Just chiming in on the chat bar point.. I have never chatted or exchanged personal messages with the top person on my list, or most of the others... And, it seems to be alphabetical order... Yes, agree - the chat bar bit isn't an indication of anything at all.
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Also, are you going to take the time to post a question on LS about a man talking to his ex If you really think that he's up to nothing? Why not? Do you know how many insecure females there are out there who ask things like, "My boyfriends EX walked down the same hallway as him... IS HE CHEATING ON ME?!!?" There is no way YOU can speculate why she asked this question, or assume that there is more to the story. OP I invite you to add more details to settle this aspect of it. Is there more to the story, or is this it? How many guys do you add to FB that you dated 3.5 years ago though that you dated for a few months that ended up breaking up with you? There you go with the speculations and assumptions again. You're ASSUMING he dated this girl 3.5 years ago and that he deleted her, and has recently re-added her to Facebook. Where are you getting that assumption from? Don't you think it's possible that they were friends on FB 3.5 years ago and neither deleted the other? I have my ex boyfriends on my Facebook. My first boyfriend from literally 10 years ago. And yes, we still talk. On a strictly platonic level. There was never ego, or immaturity to delete, and then re-add each other. We dated, he broke up with me. We are friends. I think you need to clarify what you're saying. You know how YOU work. You are in no way an authority on how ALL MEN work.
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