jayy23 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 so i was out with some mates last night for a drink everything was good till out of the blue i started thinking about the ex i couldnt get her out my head so i ended up calling her at 1 in the morning i woke her up i didnt expect her to answer the call but she did and we ended up talking for about 2hours i was getting upset at times when i was talking to her and just kept asking why how can you not want to be with me anymore i dont understand. she new i was drunk so she was trying to calm me down she said that she would come and see me some time soon when she has the time that put a smile on my face but i know that it wont make anything better. at some point she started getting upset and started crying i felt so bad i couldnt stop saying i was sorry but i didnt know what i was sorry for? i know she doesnt want to be with me but i cant let go of hope. she also told me that her gran had died last week and i was kind of pissed off that she didnt call and tell me when it happend because i felt like i really want to be there for her to make sure she is ok but she just kept saying she will be fine without me i even offerd to go to the funeral with her. i think im just goina send her family some flowers just to pay my respects but i dont know if my ex will like me doing that?? but anyway i know that i shouldnt have called and it was really stupid of me but whats done is done.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Ah.. drunk calling.. That's a big no no.. I wouldn't send the flowers, I think it would be overstepping your boundaries, you're out of her life now. She made it clear she didn't need or want your help, she didn't accept your offer of going to the funeral with her. Actually, I find it a bit rude that you found yourself "pissed off", it feels like you walked all over her grief with your own temper tantrum; you want to be there for her but you don't want to hear that she doesn't want you to. Her grand father died, that's her grief, she choose to deal with it how she wants to. I think the best way to pay your respect is to leave her alone, unless you know her family *really* well..
Author jayy23 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Ah.. drunk calling.. That's a big no no.. I wouldn't send the flowers, I think it would be overstepping your boundaries, you're out of her life now. She made it clear she didn't need or want your help, she didn't accept your offer of going to the funeral with her. Actually, I find it a bit rude that you found yourself "pissed off", it feels like you walked all over her grief with your own temper tantrum; you want to be there for her but you don't want to hear that she doesn't want you to. Her grand father died, that's her grief, she choose to deal with it how she wants to. I think the best way to pay your respect is to leave her alone, unless you know her family *really* well.. i dont think it would be oversteping my boundaries the plan is to stay close friends so were not out of each others lifes. i would never walk all over her grief i new her grand mother and i feel that i had a right to no thats all. i did offer to go to the funeral to support and just be there for her but she is a strong girl so i know she will be ok without me but i told her im here if she needs me. sending flowers i dont think would be a bad thing i cant really see how anyone would take that the wrong way its just to say im sorry for there lose i think thats a nice hing to do.
BlazePT Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Well, as for the drunk calling, that is quite normal actually, lol...It's amazing how you can't stop thinking about her when you drink too much; there was this one time when I was drunk as well and she just didn't seem to get the heck of my head; so, I didn't call her, but I logged in her facebook... (I knew the password ) So, the only thing I found out was that I became even more confused than ever before. She talked to her friends saying that she missed me a lot but didn't know if she wanted me as a boyfriend anymore... Anyway, back to you. Don't worry about it right now. Make sure it won't happen again; I don't know if you know her phone number by heart but if you don't, just write her number on a paper and put it anywhere, just as long as you know that you won't reach it easily. Then erase her number from your phone. As for being upset for the fact that she didn't tell you about her gran, I can understand that. You dated her for 4 years and you probably knew her family very well, too. Yes, you guys must be having a hard time with each other, and you know what you have to do, but this is something serious. You probably had a strong connection with her gran as well. Get back on track, buddy
Jono85 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 dude u gotta stop that. and friends? ur going to fall into the friendzone fast. she doesn't want to be with you. that call last night sounded brutal to be perfectly honest. u need to leave her be. COMPLETELY. dont stay in eachother's lives, it's pathetic. start healing and u gotta move on. she might realize what she's missing u never know. but i guarantee if you be this guy that's always wanting to be there for her, even tho she kicked u to the curb, and let her know ur constantly pining for her, she'll lose any respect she had for u very quickly.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) i dont think it would be oversteping my boundaries the plan is to stay close friends so were not out of each others lifes. i would never walk all over her grief i new her grand mother and i feel that i had a right to no thats all. i did offer to go to the funeral to support and just be there for her but she is a strong girl so i know she will be ok without me but i told her im here if she needs me. sending flowers i dont think would be a bad thing i cant really see how anyone would take that the wrong way its just to say im sorry for there lose i think thats a nice hing to do. Yes, I know, you told her if she needed you, you'd be there for her, but she declined... she declined your offer to be at the funeral as well. A lot of relationships end up with the plan of staying friends, but it often doesn't work that way. It's just a way to lift the guilty feeling that you get when you dump someone, or a way for the dumpee to hold on to the hope that the couple will reconcile one day, but it rarely happens that way. If you knew her grand parents that well, ask her if you can come to the funeral but keep in mind she already declined. Don't do it with the hope of getting back into her good graces. Edited July 1, 2012 by Samilia 1
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Yes, I know, you told her if she needed you, you'd be there for her, but she declined... she declined your offer to be at the funeral as well. A lot of relationships end up with the plan of staying friends, but it often doesn't work that way. It's just a way to lift the guilty feeling that you get when you dump someone, or a way for the dumpee to hold on to the hope that the couple will reconcile one day, but it rarely happens that way. If you knew her grand parents that well, ask her if you can come to the funeral but keep in mind she already declined. Don't do it with the hope of getting back into her good graces. Agree. Completely. If the plan was to stay "best friends" and not leave each others lives, why is she declining your offer to support her and be there to comfort her during her time of grief? SHE left YOU. You need to stop chasing her, and stop trying to stick yourself into her life. She currently does not want you there. And since she's the one that left you, she's the one that holds the ball here. If she eventually wants to be your friend, she'll come around and throw the ball back in your court. The longer you try to force yourself into her life, and yes, overstepping boundaries, the quicker you'll push her away for good. I have to also agree that the call sounded brutal. Drunk calling is the worst move you can make as a dumpee and now she just pities you. You can tell by the way she's saying she'll "come see you when she has time." If you were a priority, she'd be there NOW. Not whenever she has a spare second in her life. You kind of need to start implementing the NC. MANY relationships end by the dumper saying that they want to remain friends. But in the beginning it's just not possible. Someone is always hurt more than the other, rarely are breakups mutual, so someone always wants more, holds out hope, the dumper has their guilt eased, and eventually they'll wean themselves off you and slowly fade from your life and move on with someone else. (Do you really want to be around to watch that?) A strictly platonic friendship can't happen between exes until A LOT of time has passed. 1
Author jayy23 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 dude u gotta stop that. and friends? ur going to fall into the friendzone fast. she doesn't want to be with you. that call last night sounded brutal to be perfectly honest. u need to leave her be. COMPLETELY. dont stay in eachother's lives, it's pathetic. start healing and u gotta move on. she might realize what she's missing u never know. but i guarantee if you be this guy that's always wanting to be there for her, even tho she kicked u to the curb, and let her know ur constantly pining for her, she'll lose any respect she had for u very quickly. its not goina happen again i new when i was doing it that i shouldnt be but still went ahead and called. to be honest i didnt expect her to answer but she did.
Author jayy23 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Agree. Completely. If the plan was to stay "best friends" and not leave each others lives, why is she declining your offer to support her and be there to comfort her during her time of grief? SHE left YOU. You need to stop chasing her, and stop trying to stick yourself into her life. She currently does not want you there. And since she's the one that left you, she's the one that holds the ball here. If she eventually wants to be your friend, she'll come around and throw the ball back in your court. The longer you try to force yourself into her life, and yes, overstepping boundaries, the quicker you'll push her away for good. I have to also agree that the call sounded brutal. Drunk calling is the worst move you can make as a dumpee and now she just pities you. You can tell by the way she's saying she'll "come see you when she has time." If you were a priority, she'd be there NOW. Not whenever she has a spare second in her life. You kind of need to start implementing the NC. MANY relationships end by the dumper saying that they want to remain friends. But in the beginning it's just not possible. Someone is always hurt more than the other, rarely are breakups mutual, so someone always wants more, holds out hope, the dumper has their guilt eased, and eventually they'll wean themselves off you and slowly fade from your life and move on with someone else. (Do you really want to be around to watch that?) A strictly platonic friendship can't happen between exes until A LOT of time has passed. the reason she cant see me just now is because she is in oxford at uni (were from scotland) but she is finished in oxford at the end of this month so she will be back in scotland and said shee can see me then. i agree that we wont be able to be friends untill enough time has passed she has allready said that to me she needs to sort her head out and get to a point where she doesnt think about me and is youst to being on her own.
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