headonstraight Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) Long story short...my GF left me on or about June 14th. We had a pretty heated argument and I stormed out of her place - said not-so-nice things. I took ownership of my behavior the next day and apologized. We left it at "we'll just be friends". Well, that's just not acceptable to me. Maybe to her it is...but not after what we've built and shared together. Letting all that go and being friends at the drop of a hat is unrealistic. She broke my heart on more than one occasion, and smashed it to unrecognizable smithereens when she left me. I'm trying to pick up the pieces best I can. Anyway, I've refrained from contacting her since then while I attempt to heal and let her go. But she has reached out twice now. Both were phone calls and I haven't returned them. The most recent call she left a VM asking me to help her with something at her place. A bit of background: All I did was help her all the time. It was all give on my part. In fact, I'm almost convinced that was what pushed her away in the first place. I went from being a man in the beginning, to a doormat in a matter of months. I can't help her at her place anyway (made plans!). But her VM said "call me either way...I'd like to see how you're doing." What the heck should I do?! I have been hoping so much that she'd realize what she let go of. I was so good to her. I really miss and care for her dearly and I've been kind of an emotional wreck :-( However, I have stayed as strong as I can. It's just hard. Do I reach out to her and try and be "friends"? I'm so lost. UPDATE: After ignoring her VM for a few hours, she texted me: "Hey you get my VM?!". I responded. "Hey. Sorry...can't help. With friends and family." (which is actually true!). She then responded: "That's OK thanks for letting me know. Have fun." And that's all. Ugh...this is killer! Edited July 1, 2012 by headonstraight Had an update to share
Mariana345 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I would say... Don't be "friends". Because, seriously, can you do that? I know is heartbreaking but you have to think what do you want from any kind of relationship with her... just being in contact? even if you would know if she is dating or seeing someone? Do you really want that? I mean, sure No contact at all is hard, sometimes incredibly painful, but I realize that is even worst to see the one you love/care so much been happier or just better than you in such a short time My opinion is... let her go Don't contact her as much as you can! And don't be accesible to her that much either. Start to heal, start to being for you first of all... Is you for who you must care now...
favoritepills Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Long story short...my GF left me on or about June 14th. We had a pretty heated argument and I stormed out of her place - said not-so-nice things. I could do with a little more information here. You say you "stormed out of her place." Doesn't that mean you broke up with her? If you were the dumper and not the dumpee and you honestly realize your mistake(s) and want to try and win her back, then you have a reasonable basis for giving it a try. If I'm misreading your account and she did dump you, then you owe it to yourself to try and deal without crawling back to her. All I did was help her all the time. It was all give on my part. In fact, I'm almost convinced that was what pushed her away in the first place. I went from being a man in the beginning, to a doormat in a matter of months. If she turned you into a doormat, why would you want her back anyway?
Author headonstraight Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 Thanks for taking the time to respond folks. In full disclosure, we had a great relationship. I just think she may have gotten bored with me. I may have overdone things to keep the attraction going and it blew up in my face. I obviously want to give this another chance. I may have been a doormat, but I evidently allowed that to happen, and I sure learned from it. The voice mail she left me on Sunday says: "Either way, call me back. I'd like to see how you are doing." I haven't been called her back, nor have I made myself available to her at all. But I'm torn. I don't know whether to call her back and just be friendly and confident, or keep ignoring her. The latter seems rude and unnatural to me. But the breakup was only ~3 weeks ago. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be her "buddy". But I also don't want to be insensitive and cut her off completely. Truth be told, I still haven't fully let go of her. I'm doing the best I can to focus on myself. I just wonder why she wants to talk so soon. She sounded very happy and upbeat, just like when we first met. For the record and clarification, she left me. When I left her place after the breakup, she called my cell, asked me to come back. I did, but immediately went into a hissy fit, then stormed out. I was simply shocked that she was willing to throw everything away so abruptly. I am persistent. It's just in my nature. I never give up easily, and with her, I'm facing the same dilemma.
Mariana345 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Thanks for taking the time to respond folks. In full disclosure, we had a great relationship. I just think she may have gotten bored with me. I may have overdone things to keep the attraction going and it blew up in my face. I obviously want to give this another chance. I may have been a doormat, but I evidently allowed that to happen, and I sure learned from it. The voice mail she left me on Sunday says: "Either way, call me back. I'd like to see how you are doing." I haven't been called her back, nor have I made myself available to her at all. But I'm torn. I don't know whether to call her back and just be friendly and confident, or keep ignoring her. The latter seems rude and unnatural to me. But the breakup was only ~3 weeks ago. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be her "buddy". But I also don't want to be insensitive and cut her off completely. Truth be told, I still haven't fully let go of her. I'm doing the best I can to focus on myself. I just wonder why she wants to talk so soon. She sounded very happy and upbeat, just like when we first met. For the record and clarification, she left me. When I left her place after the breakup, she called my cell, asked me to come back. I did, but immediately went into a hissy fit, then stormed out. I was simply shocked that she was willing to throw everything away so abruptly. I am persistent. It's just in my nature. I never give up easily, and with her, I'm facing the same dilemma. After my BU I went to a psychologist, and he told me that when you are in a emotional state you do things that later regret, so you should let it pass, and then think carefully what to do. But must important is that don't do anything if you are not completely sure about it. So, you have time, think carefully, and make a decision first.
Charlie25 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 1. You really have to let go of the mindset that she is irreplaceable. Realize that you're an awesome guy, and just as much a prize as she is. Missing her is fine, but if you have thoughts like "i NEED her" then you need more time to heal. You attracted this girl, you can attract millions like her 2. When you feel better about the break-up and yourself, you can start to figure out if it is worth it. If you still want (not need) her back, then proceed. 3. Get in touch with her, be happy and positive tell her you miss her, but don't discuss the RS or the BU, and don't ask for a second chance 4. If she gets back to you, then you might just have a chance. Keep up the good attitude. Good mood is contagious, we all know that. 5. If you end up in regular contact, then ask her to meet up. Be friendly, but remember to flirt a little as well. 6. Don't try an rush things, they have to unfold naturally. If she wants you back, she will pop the question, but if you see this is going nowhere, you need to have to power to walk 7. If you end up back together, you need to sit down and discuss and resolve the issues that lead to the BU. If they are not resolved, then you will be right back here in a couple of months
tallydoo Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Walk the line between friends and friendly. You can be polite, but it's not your job anymore to rescue her or be at her beck and call; she has other friends to ask for help. To be honest, I'd wait for her to contact you again in a more direct way. It's possible she might have been afraid of how you'd react if she approached you more directly for reconciliation, and therefore put it in the context of asking you for help, but I'm not sure; it concerns me that she asked you to help her move stuff. This is the perfect time for her to realize the consequences of breaking up with you (this sounds kind of harsh); she'll start to feel that void in her life a little bit, and it'll pique her curiosity a little bit. That way, you avoid being her ego boost. So like I said, just wait a while. She'll contact again if she wants to. In the meantime, DFTBA.
Author headonstraight Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Wow. You are a wonderful, insightful, and understading bunch of folks. I really appreciate it. I attribute much of my healing thus far to this forum, friends, and family. Thank you. So although she ended her VM a few days ago with "give me a call either way", I think I'll wait it out some more before I think about reciprocal contact... I am at the point where I know that I don't "need" her. Nor is she on the pedestal anymore. So the healing is going faily well, I'm having as much fun as I can, and I'm doing my best to focus on me. Admittedly I do get the "pangs" where I really, really miss her, etc. but they're managable. I will keep this thread updated as any developments occur, or when I'm having a down moment ;-) Thanks again everyone. You're all very awesome.
Author headonstraight Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I have a small update to share... I have been vacationing and have not returned her call, even though she asked me to call her back to chat. However I did send her a brief email telling her I'm busy on vacation and would call her in a week or two. I also wished her a happy 4th. My "tone" was happy and positive. It feels so strange not speaking to her regularly like we used to. But she likely sees now that I have a life and am quite enjoying it, and I'll contact her when I have time (I.E. she's no longer on the pedestal). I hope this is ok.
Author headonstraight Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Thanks again everyone. I'll update the thread when I call her back in a week or two. Question: I'm stll learning all the acronyms used on this site. I get BU, NC, etc. But what is "RS"? Thanks!
Author headonstraight Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 dude, right now your acting like a girly man. you two had an argument, there was no cheating, no trust issue, just having an argument which is as common as drinking water, or eating food. go be a man, call her, then have sex with her the end. LOL I know it sounds simple like that. But there's more to it than that. She clearly lost interest months ago (and I sensed it). I wish it were as easy as you describe...believe me! :-)
Author headonstraight Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 OK an update: As a courtesy, I sent her a brief email today early telling her I'd call her on a specific day this week that works for my schedule. I was energetic and happy in my "tone", similar to how we used to email each other when we first became friends. She was nice enough to respond quite rapidly. However, her response was seemingly cold and and dry. Not like her usual tone what so ever. She said she'd let me know a good time to call, and "thanks for the email". She could be pissed at me for declining helping her last week (I will not be at her beck and call!). Her tone on my voice-mail last week was actually very nice. Who knows. I'm *trying* to be friendly, happy, nice, etc. Not sure what to make of her cold response. It's disheartening...after all: she's the one who wanted to be "friends" after she dumped me. I am trying to do exactly that. This is very confusing.
Author headonstraight Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Another update to my above post: I seriously have NO idea why she's reaching out to me and asking to call her back, help her, etc. I just found out indirectly that a few days after she dumped me, she started dating a new guy. I guess this is my closure.
Recommended Posts